Unobfuscated Perl (#2)

A rogue group of Perl hackers has presented a plan to add a "use
really_goddamn_strict" pragma that would enforce readability and
UNobfuscation. With this pragma in force, the Perl compiler might say:

* Warning: Write-only code detected between lines 612 and 734. While this
code is perfectly legal, you won't have any clue what it does in two
weeks. I recommend you start over.

* Warning: Code at line 1,024 is indistinguishable from line noise or the
output of /dev/random

* Warning: Have you ever properly indented a piece of code in your entire
life? Evidently not.

* Warning: I think you can come up with a more descriptive variable name than
"foo" at line 1,523.

* Warning: Programmer attempting to re-invent the wheel at line 2,231.
There's a function that does the exact same thing on CPAN -- and it
actually works.