On Call’s Greatest Hits, as voted for by you, the readers
- Reference: 1726569846
- News link: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2024/09/17/on_call/
- Source link:
We've added a little commentary to explain how each fits into the On Call cinematic universe.
437 comments, October 2020: [2]Did I or did I not ask you to double-check that the socket was on? Now I've driven 15 miles, what have we found?
[3]
A classic of the genre "I drove for hours to fix a PC only to find it wasn't plugged in to a source of electricity." Every time On Call receives such a contribution, we wonder how on earth the complainant holds down a job.
[4]
[5]
368 comments, June 2023: [6]Techie wasn't being paid, until he taught HR a lesson
If On Call has taught us anything, it is that HR departments are the most implacable enemies of them all, as a reader learned when his very common name confused a Bank's payroll system.
[7]
320 comments, July 2019: [8]I don't have to save my work, it's in The Cloud. But Microsoft really must fix this files issue
Being asked to restore from non-existent backups is a common occurrence in On Call. In this story, the magic of the cloud and a Microsoft mess made the job even harder.
Muppet broke the datacenter every day, in its own weighty way [9]READ MORE
317 comments, February 2018: [10]Batteries are so heavy, said user. If I take it out, will this thing work?
A surprisingly large number of people are very confused by electricity.
315 comments, June 2023: [11]Quirky QWERTY killed a password in Paris
[12]
On Call often features tales of travelling to far-off locations. In this case, your fellow reader had to endure two trips to the City of Light to fix a problem that could be sorted with a quick keypress.
304 comments, January 2018: [13]User stepped on mouse, complained pedal wasn't making PC go faster
Tech support for the elderly is a frequent topic of On Call contributions, but also one that's very close to home for some readers. We try to treat such tales with sensitivity.
293 comments, March 2019: [14]Sure, we've got a problem but we don't really want to spend any money on the tech guy you're sending to fix it
A classic because it features both travel and a parsimonious boss. Cheapskates make for good On Call stories because they expect everything for nothing, and you lot won't put up with that nonsense.
282 comments: [15]That awful moment when what you thought was a number 1 turned out to be a number 2
One of many On Calls that concern Microsoft Excel, the spreadsheet that runs the world but is often wielded in ways that create work for Reg readers . Stories about Excel messes always do well, and we try not to get too clickbaity when a good one comes along.
I can fix this PC, boss, but I'll need to play games for hours to do it [16]READ MORE
280 comments: [17]Why is the printer spouting nonsense... and who on earth tried to wire this plug? As Richard Speed wrote in this one: “It's always DNS unless, of course, it's some ham-fisted wiring."
280 comments, October 2019: [18]Remember the 1980s? Oversized shoulder pads, Metal Mickey and... sticky keyboards?
A few On Calls concern users who damaged their computers – often with liquids – and demanded a fix without revealing the very obvious root cause. In this story, the evidence flooded into view!
278 comments, October 2022: [19]To make this computer work, users had to press a button. Why didn't it work? Guess
If you guessed that the user didn't press the button, congratulations, you have divined the content of a surprising number of On Call columns.
263 comments, May 2022: [20]When management went nuclear on an innocent software engineer
On Call is sometimes rather scary, because in tales like this one we learn of incredible stupidity in very important or dangerous places – in this case at a nuclear reactor.
260 comments, July 2023: [21]Bizarre backup taught techie to dumb things down for the boss
Failed backups make for great stories. This column has one, plus techies having to explain… themselves… carefully… to bosses who think they possess 1337 tech skillz but are actually clueless.
258 comments, December 2016: [22]Sysadmin told to spend 20+ hours changing user names, for no reason
Quite a few On Calls concern IT pros being told to do something the way the boss wants it done, even when that way is stupid. Venting about that seems only natural, and we are happy to oblige.
Support contract required techie to lounge around in a $5,000/night hotel room [23]READ MORE
257 comments, February 2024: [24]Work for you? Again? After you lied about the job and stole my stuff? No thanks
Revenge is a common theme of On Call, often in the form of maltreated techies refusing to offer additional assistance to those who abused them. Rightly so, too!
252 comments, May 2022: [25]Thinnet cables are no match for director's morning workout
A lot can go wrong in the physical layer, especially when non-techies take it for granted and end up damaging cables and wires. This On Call is one of many detailing the fallout from such tomfoolery.
250 comments, May 2022: [26]Seriously, you do not want to make that cable your earth
Each On Call ends with a call for fresh contributions, usually referring to the topic covered in that week's instalment. That arrangement means we sometimes go on little runs of similar stories, which is why May 2022 featured two cabling capers that caught readers' attention.
250 comments: [27]Sysadmin trained his offshore replacements, sat back, watched ex-employer's world burn
Being fired is a sadly common topic of the column. Stories on the topic often end with redundancies backfiring badly.
CompSci academic thought tech support was useless – until he needed it [28]READ MORE
245 comments, January 2020: [29]So you locked your backups away for years, huh? Allow me to introduce my colleagues, Brute, Force, and Ignorance
On Call is lucky to have some regulars who send multiple stories. Be like Alessandro, one such regular featured in this story of backup borkage, and send more stories!
242 comments, May 2022: [30]We can bend the laws of physics for your super-yacht, but we can't break them
I've always hoped On Call can be cathartic for some readers and love the fact that this column includes the following:
"Before I could gather my thoughts, compose myself and filter them through Customer Service Face, my brain and mouth uttered the words, 'We can bend the laws of physics for you, but we can't break them'."
On Call never forgets to filter itself through Snarky Writer Face, which is why each column ends with an exhortation to [31]click here to send us an email with your tech support story that will generate hundreds more comments and earn its place on our 1,000th column celebration some time in 2034. ®
Get our [32]Tech Resources
[1] https://www.theregister.com/2024/09/15/on_call_500_columns_celebration/
[2] https://www.theregister.com/2020/10/30/on_call/
[3] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/front&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=2&c=2Zumno7A7mVza7KZjFwgHqQAAAo8&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D2%26raptor%3Dcondor%26pos%3Dtop%26test%3D0
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[5] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/front&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=3&c=33Zumno7A7mVza7KZjFwgHqQAAAo8&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D3%26raptor%3Deagle%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0
[6] https://www.theregister.com/2023/06/23/on_call/
[7] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/front&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=4&c=44Zumno7A7mVza7KZjFwgHqQAAAo8&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D4%26raptor%3Dfalcon%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0
[8] https://www.theregister.com/2019/07/12/on_call/
[9] https://www.theregister.com/2024/09/13/on_call/
[10] https://www.theregister.com/2018/02/23/on-call/
[11] https://www.theregister.com/2023/06/30/on_call/
[12] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/front&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=3&c=33Zumno7A7mVza7KZjFwgHqQAAAo8&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D3%26raptor%3Deagle%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0
[13] https://www.theregister.com/2018/01/26/on_call/
[14] https://www.theregister.com/2019/03/08/on-call/
[15] https://www.theregister.com/2020/03/27/on_call/
[16] https://www.theregister.com/2024/05/03/on_call/
[17] https://www.theregister.com/2019/12/13/on_call/
[18] https://www.theregister.com/2019/10/25/on_call/
[19] https://www.theregister.com/2022/10/21/on_call/
[20] https://www.theregister.com/2022/05/27/on_call/
[21] https://www.theregister.com/2023/07/14/on_call/
[22] https://www.theregister.com/2016/12/09/on_call/
[23] https://www.theregister.com/2024/04/12/on_call/
[24] https://www.theregister.com/2024/02/23/on_call/
[25] https://www.theregister.com/2022/05/06/on_call/
[26] https://www.theregister.com/2022/05/20/on_call/
[27] https://www.theregister.com/2018/07/27/on_call/
[28] https://www.theregister.com/2023/11/03/on_call/
[29] https://www.theregister.com/2020/01/31/on_call/
[30] https://www.theregister.com/2022/05/13/on_call/
[31] mailto:oncall@theregister.com
[32] https://whitepapers.theregister.com/
Saving this for later
To read with -> at my leisure.
Confession - not in ‘real’ tech support but frequent recipient of ‘how do I …?’ tech questions from f+f just because I happen to know slightly more than them and I’m quite patient.
Love this column (and ‘Who, me?’ Of course)!
msWord won't print :o
a. The PA that had set msWord to a very small font and used the screen zoom at maximum. Complained that nothing would print-out except a very small squiggly line.
b. The architect that complained that the tape-backup unit was faulty. Calling out to discover the tapes had inexplicably gone missing.
Re: msWord won't print :o
Once stood behind someone in Waitrose signing a cheque (to any youngsters, it's like a bank transfer but written on a piece of paper).
She signed by taking the pen and running it side to side, resulting in a thick line a couple of mm high. She could have saved time by switching to a medium felt-tip pen!
Screens
It's 1994(ish).
I'm explaining to someone - who isn't getting it - that you can use a new-fangled laptop with an external screen/dock so that you can have a larger screen (and keyboard and mouse) on your des, carry the laptop with you when you want to be portable and/or go home, and that it's all just one computer.
It's 2024 (two weeks ago, to be precise, at about 10:30 on a mid-weekday morning).
I'm explaining to someone - who isn't getting it - that you can use a new-fangled laptop with an external screen/dock so that you can have a larger screen (and keyboard and mouse) on your deks, carry the laptop with you when you want to be portable and/or go home, and that it's all just one computer.
Very nice work
I particularly (re)enjoyed the "you do not want to make that cable your earth", because I have a meter long sample of said yellow cable hanging out of my ceiling tiles as a memento of times past.
Wondering what made the sparkys think it was an earth cable, as it's yellow and not green/yellow, and also has (in tiny print, mind you) "IEEE 802.3 ETHERNET" written on it, repeating every 1/2 meter.
Vampire taps...ecch! 3Com N-connector transceivers FTW.
is it plugged in?
One of my first calls to a support line was about a small monochrome monitor (It was that long ago, the secondary monitor allowed you to see debugging messages). It was dead, I couldn't get a thing on it.
Turns out the monitor was slightly more advanced than what I was used to, and it had a on/off switch at the back. It wasn't sufficient to just plug it in.
That was embarrassing. But it taught me a valuable lesson that anyone is capable of being an idiot occasionally.
2034... too soon?
...some time in 2034...
Are you sure you don't want to wait until 2038? Then you can be sure to get the time_t overflow stories handled by On Call too...
Never let a disaster in the making go to waste! Make note and post ;-)
and have one of these [icon representation] for work well done