"...says that by next year, all staff who don't have a reason to work remotely will need to comply with his new order or else."

Oh, plenty of time to find another employer who has a more amenable WFH policy. ;)

There are endless remote jobs but most won't pay as much as roblox: https://www.levels.fyi/companies/roblox/salaries/software-engineer

The days of keeping your FAANG+ salary but also live in a low cost of living area are likely coming to a close unless you can land a job at Airbnb.

The grand return to the office. Who wouldn't leap at the chance to swap their cosy, coffee-scented mornings at home for the unmistakable musk of public transport at rush hour or the serenity of bumper-to-bumper traffic?

And the sanctified open-plan office! It's not just a productivity hub; it's a cultural melting pot where you learn essential life skills like typing while involuntarily eavesdropping, mastering the 7-minute microwave queue stand-off, and, of course, the diplomatic handling of Spoiled Tuna Sandwich-gate 2023.

Forget 'Zoom fatigue'; that's child's play - because who doesn't love a meeting that could've been an email, but live and with snacks?

In-office mentorship? Nothing says professional growth quite like unsolicited advice from Steve at the coffee machine, spouting wisdom that's as outdated as the 'casual Friday' memo.

Brainstorming sessions? A creative bonanza! There's just something about a fluorescent-lit room that really gets the innovative juices stagnating.

But the pièce de résistance, the true essence of office magic, is the unbridled joy of 'forced fun' - because nothing screams 'team building' like trust falls with Dave from accounting who, incidentally, also trusts deodorant is optional.

Yes, brace yourselves, dear workers, for the unparalleled euphoria of office life is upon us once again. May your coffees be strong, your bathroom queues short, and your headphone's noise-cancellation formidable. Welcome back!

"'Zoom fatigue is real,' says bigwig"

I think you missed a bit, there. Here, let me fix it:

"'Zoom fatigue is real,' says bigwig who can afford to live as close as he likes to the office and be chauffeured there every day"

The opinions of his underlings on Zoom fatigue vs. office fatigue were, unsurprisingly, not solicited.

Another CEO prognosticating from their reality bubble and one who, like their company, is ethically challenged. (Dude makes a living off CC fraud they pull off by draining parents account dry when their kids whine and then run up thousands in real world dollars buying worthless "Robux" and loot boxes.)

This is cover for layoffs, because the CEO's want us to pay for the economic damage their greedflation caused by murdering the job market. They want to squeeze the bit players down to the ones who are easily intimidated.

Note that the announcement says that critical staff will be exempt from this for now, but for everyone else you are agreeing that you quit, they totally didn't fire you, that would impact their unemployment insurance fund and have tax implications. No, you either move to scenic San Mateo, CA and hope you can scrape the $8,770 an month to qualify to even put an application in for the rental market, which the company is silent about helping cover.

Or you agree that it's all your fault for not ripping your life up during the holidays, downsizing into bay area sized housing and taking a huge cost of living hit by moving to the most overheated market in the bay area. Or you eat the drive of doom, and look for something in the east bay, which will probably be even smaller, almost as expensive, and come with a commute so long you may ask yourself if you can swim the 10 miles instead.

Let's call this what it is, the CEO is avoiding the bad optics of announcing layoffs before the holiday season, and is hoping enough non-critical people will bail out to prop up the next couple of quarters, so they can save the actual layoff announcements for next year. They are also trying to avoid saying they are letting people go forcing them out, which is as transparent as it is spineless. His whinge about how his prefers to force his staff to squirm in their seats for a three hour marathon because they kept tapping out and visiting the loo on Zoom is just as telling. Another dweller in the Ivory tower annoyed his peons have lives, and ingnoring what is best for his team, the company in the long term, or the bottom line.

The big question is why we are still listing to these clowns. I think the reg missed a free use of the old line "Shut that bloody Baszucki up!"

"Roblox is an innovation company and we needed to get back to working in person."

They don't even see the inherent irony, do they?

Sure, they were full of new ideas when they came back together for the first time in months. See how full of new ideas they are in 12 weeks time after 3 months of commuting fatigue and office irritations. The lesson here should be to have occasional periods when you all get together, not that getting together every day will be as productive as that.

Also, your productivity seems to have suffered so much that your revenues have doubled during the WFH period. Explain that.

"Those exempt from the new rule include...; and staff with niche skills sets or "significant institutional knowledge."

In other words. If you're an ordinary pleb get your backside into the office but if you're harder to replace we're sorry for bothering you with this email.

Roblox..not good enough to host virtual meetings, according to the Roblox CEO.

I know this will be an unpopular opinion with El Reg's population of elderly, misanthropic shut-ins, but onboarding at a new job remotely is significantly harder than in-person, and I've been on both sides of the problem. Knowledge sharing is made more difficult by the lack of organic conversations which naturally arise or by the lack of immediate access to senior staff who can help new hires understand the intricacies of their jobs. Static documentation and training videos are no substitute for the context of tribal knowledge. Similarly, as the Roblox CEO pointed out, conversations between multiple employees are much more difficult on Zoom (or whatever), both because of Zoom fatigue and because the flow of conversation on a Zoom call just isn't as natural. Also, most people just want to get off a Zoom call as quickly as possible, whereas (again, the misanthropic commentard population notwithstanding) in-person conversation tend to be much more pleasant and to satisfy the average person's need for real human contact.

It's also worth noting that Roblox is taking what seems like a modest step, requiring employees to come in three days a week rather than five, which should make the pill easier to swallow.

Don't forget to smash that downvote button, everyone!

Does anybody still believe these aren't hidden ways of staff reduction?

It seems to strongly correlate with companies that a) over-hired and b) find themselves in financial difficulties for any number of reasons (*)

(*) financial difficulties being defined as real or merely "the stock price isn't where we want it and that affects the C-level bonuses. those new yachts and jets don't pay for themselves"