Tesla goons will buy anything – including these $150 beers
- Reference: 1697464028
- News link: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2023/10/16/tesla_beer/
- Source link:
Musky scent? Billionaire launches fragrance: Burnt Hair [1]READ MORE
Which is exactly what Tesla has done with the latest addition to its [2]"lifestyle" store , where the aspirational can do their darnedest to look like a Tesla owner and get fleeced in the process.
But these are no mere beers. These are [3]CyberBeers poured into bottles paying homage to the "angular exoskeleton of the [4]Cybertruck ," Tesla's pickup model that looks like it hasn't rendered properly.
[5]
Tesla CyberBeer and CyberSteins
Under the hood, however, the 7 percent ABV brewskis are German-style Helles lagers "with European Noble Hops Saaz and Hallertau Mittlefruh... Accentuated by notes of herb and spice and more notable aromas of tea and citrus."
They were brewed and bottled in California by Buzzrock Brewing Co. which, [6]we note , doesn't appear to produce any other $75 beers.
But we're selling them short. Not only do you get these sleek bottles sporting a "gloss black sleeve with a CyberBeer watermark," you also get a pair of CyberSteins "glazed and fired to mirror the form of Cybertruck and finished with a gloss interior and signature Tesla logo."
So you could share them with a friend – if friends are something Tesla obsessives have – but it would still be an expensive night in, and you might need something cheaper on hand lest you're left wondering where the other eight to 10 beers are.
[7]Musk in hot water with SEC for failure to comply with subpoena
[8]Musk's first year as Twitter's Dear Leader is nigh
[9]Equal Employment Commission sues Tesla for racist discrimination, retaliation at Fremont plant
[10]Elon Musk has beef with Bill Gates because he shorted Tesla stock, says biographer
While we're here, let's take a look at some of the other overpriced ephemera in the Tesla merch store, which back in 2020 was briefly selling [11]Tesla tequila for $250.
If you lurk the webpage often, you might have been able to snag a [12]CyberOpener to complement your CyberBeer for just $50. Alas, it is now sold out.
[13]
If you really want to play the part of Tesla owner, you could splash $245 on a [14]Mega [back] Pack . And to truly prove your devotion to the Cult of Musk, consider branding yourself with a [15]Tesla Branding Iron , inexplicably on sale for $70.
Timeout everyone. Y'all know that Musk's $500 'flamethrower' is literally a Boring blowtorch? [16]READ MORE
Sticking with the Cybertruck theme, though, lucky Dogecoin holders cleared the store of the [17]Cyberwhistle , which was going for 1,000 DOGE. The Register wonders whether the "premium collectible made from medical-grade stainless steel" is a reference to the alt-right "dog whistles" the world's richest man routinely pumps out onto X, formerly Twitter, his latest pet project.
Speaking of which, the Tesla and SpaceX CEO has been on a George Orwell kick lately, [18]posting a meme of the 1984 author captioned: "Boy did I call it or what?" Musk also said he's "loving" his [19]new T-shirt , which features an eye and the words: "What would Orwell think."
[20]
What would Orwell think of Elon Musk? We can't possibly comment – this is a family enterprise IT publication. ®
Get our [21]Tech Resources
[1] https://www.theregister.com/2022/10/12/musk_launches_fragrance/
[2] https://shop.tesla.com/category/lifestyle
[3] https://shop.tesla.com/product/cyberbeer-_-cyberstein-limited-edition-set?sku=2012814-00-A&web=true
[4] https://www.theregister.com/2023/07/17/first_tesla_cybertrunk/
[5] https://regmedia.co.uk/2023/10/16/cyberbeer.jpg
[6] https://www.instagram.com/BuzzrockBrewingCo/
[7] https://www.theregister.com/2023/10/06/musk_in_hot_water_with/
[8] https://www.theregister.com/2023/10/02/musk_first_year_twitter/
[9] https://www.theregister.com/2023/09/29/eeoc_sues_tesla_for_racist/
[10] https://www.theregister.com/2023/09/11/gates_musk_beef_biography/
[11] https://www.theregister.com/2020/11/06/tesla_tequila/
[12] https://shop.tesla.com/product/cyberopener?sku=1975159-00-A
[13] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/front&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=2&c=2ZS1eKhKgKzxzI0iR0akH2gAAAEE&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D2%26raptor%3Dcondor%26pos%3Dtop%26test%3D0
[14] https://shop.tesla.com/product/mega-_back_-pack?sku=1859927-00-A
[15] https://shop.tesla.com/product/tesla-branding-iron?sku=1808276-00-A
[16] https://www.theregister.com/2018/01/29/musk_flamethrower_boring/
[17] https://shop.tesla.com/product/cyberwhistle?sku=1715672-00-A&web=true
[18] https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1713017024291483652
[19] https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1713014913914827226
[20] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/front&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=4&c=44ZS1eKhKgKzxzI0iR0akH2gAAAEE&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D4%26raptor%3Dfalcon%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0
[21] https://whitepapers.theregister.com/
"Cybertruck, Tesla's pickup model that looks like it hasn't rendered properly"
Musk looks like he hasn't rendered properly as well.
Re: "Cybertruck, Tesla's pickup model that looks like it hasn't rendered properly"
You need to ingest a couple of those tesla beers before you can appreciate the rendering of either.
Re: "Cybertruck, Tesla's pickup model that looks like it hasn't rendered properly"
And that's after all the plastic surgery he's had done over the years.
Here's a fairly recent photo
https://cdn.wccftech.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/elon-musk.jpeg
And here's one from back when he was at PayPal
https://i1.wp.com/nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2018/07/180724-paypal-mafia-elon-musk-01.jpg?quality=90&strip=all&ssl=1
I mean, there's the ugly duckling story, and then there's this. ^
consider branding yourself with a Tesla Branding Iron
I don't think it's for yourself, it's so you can turn your horse into a Cyberhorse as a backup for when your Cybertruck battery conks out.
Re: consider branding yourself with a Tesla Branding Iron
I thought you were joking, until I had a look at the Cyber-tat store. I suppose at $70 it's good value considering that a cheap furry blanket is $140, and the toy cars are $175.
As for the branding iron, I presume it's for Tesla owners to apply in the bedroom a la 50 shades of Musk. Ladies: Don't go out with Tesla drivers unless this really is your thing.
Re: consider branding yourself with a Tesla Branding Iron
As for the branding iron, I presume it's for Tesla owners to apply in the bedroom a la 50 shades of Musk. Ladies: Don't go out with Tesla drivers unless this really is your thing.
Now you've put that image in my head I can't escape the thought that with the possibility of infinite realities/universes/the multiverse someone somewhere is actually doing that.
The backpack looks reasonable...
...especially when put alongside the LTT backpack. On top of their regular backpack for $249.99 - https://www.lttstore.com/products/backpack - they now have a luxury backpack for $599.99 - https://www.lttstore.com/products/luxe-backpack
I'll admit to springing for the regular backpack (whish I hadn't) but the Luxe version is too bonkers even for me - "All Luxe Backpacks are built to order. Estimated ship date is 6 months after your order (~April 2024). Your card will be charged in full when you place your order." - I think not.
And... get this... "All items will ship together, so any other items in your cart will be held until your Luxe Backpack is produced & ready to ship."
I wondered when I would first see it in the wild - late last week a Guardian columnists referred to someone "posting on X", without immediately following it with the words "formerly known as Twitter". I figured that wouldn't happen until, at the very least, links to X didn't get you to Twitter.com (they still do here in mid-October 2023).
Next milestone: someone talking about something they did in the past, saying that they posted about it on Twitter (as X used to be called).
My immediate thought when I saw the bottles was "Shades of Fallout '76..." - Then I saw the bit about the backpacks!
Is young Musk taking a leaf or two out of Todd Howard's book?
Let's watch the delivery stats for confirmation... Musk's record on delivery of promises is surely as good as Todds...
IANAL
But don't you need a liquor license to sell that kind of stuff in the US? I know following the law isn't exactly one of Tesla, or Twitler's, strong points, but maybe someone should be sure to tip off the ATF. Just to add to the legal woes faced by Twitler and his business interests.
What would George think
I think we can be pretty accurate in guessing what Eric Arthur Blair would have thought about his Muskiness and I can assure you it would not be complimentary, not even a little bit.