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  ARM Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life (Terry Pratchett, Jingo)

Cheapest, oldest, slowest part fixed very modern Mac

(2023/05/19)


On Call With Friday upon us, the drumbeat of the working week is slowing. But we still have enough energy to bring you another instalment of On Call, The Register ’s weekly reader-contributed tale of out-of-tune tech support tales.

This week meet "Ringo" who runs a music technology specialism as part of a music degree at a very prestigious university.

"In addition to teaching I often have to flip into tech mode to fill the gaps when our tech support is unavailable," Ringo told On-Call.

[1]

His IT skills became necessary when the university decided to upgrade its modest postproduction studio. That job involved installation of the infamous [2]“cheese grater" Mac Pro , ProTools and Logic Digital Audio Workstation software, and a vintage hardware sampler.

[3]

[4]

"Hardware samplers were on the way out, but our AKAI S6000 had a USB port which allowed remote control of the machine, so it made life very easy," Ringo explained. So it was decided the [5]vintage machine should stay.

Macs, after all, have USB ports. Surely making Apple's finest talk to the Akai should be a doddle?

[6]Is there anything tape can’t fix? This techie used it to defeat the Sun

[7]Datacenter fire suppression system wasn't tested for years, then BOOM

[8]Thanks for fixing the computer lab. Now tell us why we shouldn’t expel you?

[9]Techie called out to customer ASAP, then: Do nothing

You can guess what happened next. Everything worked beautifully – other than the Akai, which wouldn’t work at all.

"I tried everything and scoured every forum to no avail," Ringo wrote. "Eventually I had a hunch: maybe the Mac Pro's USB was too fast for the sampler's proprietary USB card?

[10]

"I was determined to test my theory and scoured the local discount stores for cheap USB hubs."

That raid yielded three hubs for under five Euros!

"My plan was to find one with a slow bridging chip. I 'auditioned' the hubs with the computer–sampler setup, and bingo – one of them reined in the Mac Pro's blindingly fast USB speeds sufficiently."

[11]

Ringo said the system "worked flawlessly after the 'upgrade' and for years after that we marvelled at that incredibly important €1 slow 'little USB hub that could' with its tacky blue plastic case."

Have you found retro fix for a modern tech problem? If so, [12]click here to send On Call an email and we hope to make music with your story on a future Friday. ®

Get our [13]Tech Resources



[1] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_onprem/personaltech&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=2&c=2ZGdIwF2qy4KnRAHVEiLtCwAAAAE&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D2%26raptor%3Dcondor%26pos%3Dtop%26test%3D0

[2] https://www.theregister.com/2019/12/11/apple_cheese_grater/

[3] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_onprem/personaltech&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=4&c=44ZGdIwF2qy4KnRAHVEiLtCwAAAAE&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D4%26raptor%3Dfalcon%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0

[4] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_onprem/personaltech&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=3&c=33ZGdIwF2qy4KnRAHVEiLtCwAAAAE&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D3%26raptor%3Deagle%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0

[5] https://lofimusic.com.au/collections/samplers/products/akai-s6000-studio-rack-sampler-midi-w-expansions

[6] https://www.theregister.com/2023/05/12/on_call/

[7] https://www.theregister.com/2023/05/05/on_call/

[8] https://www.theregister.com/2023/04/21/on_call/

[9] https://www.theregister.com/2023/04/07/on_call/

[10] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_onprem/personaltech&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=4&c=44ZGdIwF2qy4KnRAHVEiLtCwAAAAE&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D4%26raptor%3Dfalcon%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0

[11] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_onprem/personaltech&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=3&c=33ZGdIwF2qy4KnRAHVEiLtCwAAAAE&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D3%26raptor%3Deagle%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0

[12] mailto:oncall@theregister.com

[13] https://whitepapers.theregister.com/



Korev

Ringo said the system "worked flawlessly after the 'upgrade'

Sounds like he tuned the system well...

Korev

It's lucky he got it working or else he'd have had to face the music...

UCAP

At least he got to blow his own trumpet ...

(Mine's the one with the harmonica in the left pocket).

Anonymous Coward

"At least he got to blow his own trumpet" *snigger*

b0llchit

He struck a c(h)ord.

Blofeld's Cat

I hope he kept a note of what he did ...

DrollLeek

He managed to stave off disaster...

Andy Miller

Or he'd be stuck in a Clef Stick

Anonymous Coward

Hopefully he documented the solution in his lab notes

Its always the simple things

Ivan Headache

We’re currently in our holiday flat it Spain, enjoying the cold wind and grey skies.

The lovely Ivana couldn’t get the toaster to work this morning. No amount of pushing the lever down would make it latch.

On a whim, she decided that the have you switched it off routine would be worth trying.

So she switched the kitchen lights off.

After switching them back on , the toaster latched at the first attempt.

Re: Its always the simple things

Killfalcon

Maybe the lightbulb somehow messed with a sensor in the toaster? Odd.

Re: Its always the simple things

Anonymous Coward

Maybe the lightbulb somehow messed with a sensor in the toaster? Odd.

Or maybe just a Talkie Toaster™ having a sulk because people weren't eating enough toast. Or bagels. Or waffles. Or flapjacks...

Howdy-doodly-doo!

Re: Its always the simple things

SVD_NL

Toasters usually won't latch unless they're powered. The lights likely being on the same circuit, they probably cause some kind of "dirty" power which causes the toaster to just stay turned off.

Still something you'd probably want checked out because that's not normal and I'd be very concerned about those lights being a fire hazard.

ruskie

I have a USB 3.0 device that will only ever reliably work if it's plugged into a USB 3.0 and only 3.0 controller. I have a couple of pcie usb 3.0 controllers for it.

The moment I use 3.1 or higher or any hub etc... the device will randomly lockup while in use.

Killfalcon

My desktop has some USB 3 and some USB 2 USB ports, and while none of them are non-functional, it's a crapshoot as to _what_ peripherals they work with, seemingly depending more on if they're at the front or back of the machine as much as if they're the 'fast' kind or not.

Anonymous Coward

That's a simple one... they'll work in the most awkward to get to port; unless that's the first one you try.

Midi Gear!

chivo243

I supported just such a lab for 20+ years. I remember needing hubs to connect MIDI devices from an age long gone. It was a cross your fingers moment anytime there was an update, either to the OS or the software in use. Some of the horror stories are coming back to me now, I better stop this post...

Serial...

GlenP

Many years ago I tried connecting a Nokia (?5130) via serial cable to an ancient laptop, at the time it was the only option available for some remote working, dialling in to work then running an AS/400 5250 terminal emulator. In theory it should have worked fine, in practice it was unreliable until I realised it only worked when the phone was on charge, or at least fully charged.

A dredge through my limited electronics knowledge suggested the likely scenario, the laptop was using TTL 5v logic, the phone was 3.3v CMOS! Once known I just had to make sure I'd got the phone charger as well.

The next iteration of the same connection, with later hardware, was using IrDA instead of the serial cable, it worked fine until I was sat outside my tent on a Sunday, beer in hand, running some month end processes and the sun came out!

Re: Serial...

Dan 55

Nowadays of course Bluetooth makes connectivity between devices so easy, simple, standard, and secure.

Re: Serial...

GlenP

Can you now try saying that with a straight face?

Re: Serial...

Sam not the Viking

Cruel, at this time of day. Think of readers blood pressure.

For later --->

Re: Serial...

Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese

it worked fine until I was sat outside my tent on a Sunday, beer in hand, running some month end processes and the sun came out

It's a shame that this story is about an As/400 - if you'd been connected to a Sun server the irony would have been wonderful

Anonymous Coward

USB was tricky in the early days.

Our first attempt at building a USB device, would only work if plugged in directly, not via a hub.

We had to redesign when manufacturers started putting hubs on the PC motherboard.

Our second attempt worked directly, or through a hub, but was orders of magnitude faster when put through a hub.

We got it right on the third attempt, and then decided to build a bluetooth version which was a whole other world of pain.

Regomiser needs help this week

chivo243

Ringo is the best you could do? Has the Regomiser been connected to CHATGpt or something??

Re: Regomiser needs help this week

Admiral Grace Hopper

He deserves the full privileges of Ring 0.

I can never ....

KittenHuffer

.... seem to get qsn hubs to work!

Re: I can never ....

Flightmode

#insert joke about USB-A connectors always requiring a 360 degree turn to work here

Re: I can never ....

juice

Nonsense!

Everyone knows you need two 180-degree turns...

Re: I can never ....

Giles C

In opposite directions?

Re: I can never ....

Steve Button

Well yeah, obvs. Because that takes away the quantum spin and collapses the probability.

Re: I can never ....

Steve Button

Oooo, clever. I like that one. Will have to steal it.

Might take 20 years to find an appropriate place to insert joke, but I'm patient.

Bridge technologies

cosmodrome

Had to retire a perfectly good, 25 years old RME Multiface last year because my last laptop with a PCI slot finally went out of business. Actually the interface was PCMCIA(!) but was running fine over a PCI to PCMCIA adapter. Even the 5m cable between (PCMCIA) IO card and the actual interface was still original. For a long time one could use these cards via PCI-PC-express cards but that stopped when PCI-slots on motherboards became PCIe-PCI bridges because the BIOS would not recognize the PCI-to-PCCard bridge behind the PCIe-to-PCI bridge and could not initialize the PC-Express-to-PCMCIA bridge behind the latter.

Re: Bridge technologies

Flightmode

As if the talk about IrDa and Bluetooth further up on this page wasn't enough to give all of us nightmares for the whole weekend, you had to bring PCMCIA into it as well?!

Why not just say "Ultra Wide SCSI 3" (thunder rumbles) while you're at it?

(Fun side note - a company I worked for had a mom-and-pop-shop cable manufacturer who'd solder you a cable for anything. Small runs or even single cables weren't a problem and their workshop was just up the street, so you could usually call him and place and order, then walk over and pick it up half an hour later. He'd make cables for ANYTHING - I swear, if you dreamed up, I don't know, a cross-over null-modem cable with DB9-to-SCART plugs to connect, say, a traffic light to your washing machine, he'd make it for you, and it'd follow all the relevant EMF specs to boot. He wouldn't, however, touch SCSI 2 or higher for the eloquent reason of "the pins are so damn tiny that I keep burning my fingers, and I don't like doing that".)

Re: Bridge technologies

Admiral Grace Hopper

A part of my brain that hasn't been disturbed for a quarter of a century just said, "People Can't Memorise Computer Industry Acronyms", to my subconscious. I doubt that this will ever happen again.

Chloe Cresswell

USB3+HDMI KVM at a clients, works fine to the old machine, to the new machine the keyboard and mouse vanish after a couple of days. Cue installing a USB2 hub between the USB 3 KVM and the USB machine. No issues since then.

George's friend Sam had a dog who could recite the Gettysburg Address. "Let
me buy him from you," pleaded George after a demonstration.
"Okay," agreed Sam. "All he knows is that Lincoln speech anyway."
At his company's Fourth of July picnic, George brought his new pet
and announced that the animal could recite the entire Gettysburg Address.
No one believed him, and they proceeded to place bets against the dog.
George quieted the crowd and said, "Now we'll begin!" Then he looked at
the dog. The dog looked back. No sound. "Come on, boy, do your stuff."
Nothing. A disappointed George took his dog and went home.
"Why did you embarrass me like that in front of everybody?" George
yelled at the dog. "Do you realize how much money you lost me?"
"Don't be silly, George," replied the dog. "Think of the odds we're
gonna get on Labor Day."