Learn the art of malicious compliance: doing exactly what you were asked, even when it's wrong
- Reference: 1676276886
- News link: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2023/02/13/who_me/
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This week we meet "Steve" (not his real name) who was in the US Air Force in the mid-1970s. As he was engaged to be married and base accommodation was unavailable, he took a second job to supplement his military income so he could afford an apartment. So far it's a story as wholesome and American as apple pie.
The job Steve took was with a major furniture retailer – because a young family moving into a new apartment needs furniture and a staff discount comes in handy. Pop some ice cream on that pie there. We're in Norman Rockwell country.
[1]
Now, as for the job itself, Steve was in the "salesman support/office/data processing section." The computer system in use at the time was an IBM system 3, with tub files of 96-hole punch cards for sales order processing, inventory management, and reporting. Steve tells us "the punch cards were kept with the sales orders until order completion/delivery, or pickup, with some orders awaiting on-order inventory for later pickup."
[2]
[3]
Now as you may imagine, Steve was a computer guy, and found the paper-handling side of the job a necessary burden next to the computing aspect. Nonetheless, as an enlisted military man, he did his duties. To. The. Letter.
One evening, the manager tasked Steve with filing all of the completed orders from the outlying stores. The manager said this was to be done "by customer name, by first name."
[4]
Deep down inside, Steve kind of knew that what the manager meant that they were to be alphabetized by the customers' last name, and then by first name. Deep down. Deeeeep.
But that's not what was asked, was it? "As a conscientious worker," Steve says, "I repeated the instruction: to file the orders by first name."
The manager confirmed: "Yes."
[5]
And again, because Steve was so conscientious and you know in the military that orders have to be carried out just right, he repeated "You want all of the orders filed by first name, is this correct?"
And again, "Yes."
"Are you sure?"
One final time: "Yes."
[6]Eager young tearaway almost ruined Christmas with printer paper
[7]Shag pile PC earned techies a carpeting from HR
[8]Dear Stupid, I write with news I did not check the content of the [Name] field before sending this letter
[9]Sysadmin infected bank with 'alien virus' that sucked CPUs dry
So there could not possibly be any ambiguity. Steve carried out his appointed task with the efficiency and accuracy you would expect from a member of the United States Air Force.
The following evening, the manager was puzzled. "What the hell did you do with the files," he asked. "It took two people the entire day to go back through the misfiled orders to refile them."
"Well," Steve pointed out, "all of the orders were filed by first name, as requested." He even confirmed with the boss that he had checked multiple times that this was the instruction.
As the manager had to admit (grudgingly) that he had indeed given bad instructions, there were no repercussions to Steve's career. Indeed he got a bonus: he was never asked to do that filing again.
Ah, malicious compliance. Is there anything better? You tell us: have you ever done exactly as asked, even when you knew the instructions were bad? Tell us all about it in an [10]email to Who, Me? and we'll tell the world all about it. ®
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[6] https://www.theregister.com/2023/02/06/who_me/
[7] https://www.theregister.com/2023/01/30/who_me/
[8] https://www.theregister.com/2023/01/23/who_me/
[9] https://www.theregister.com/2023/01/16/who_me/
[10] mailto:whome@theregister.com
[11] https://whitepapers.theregister.com/
Steves Failure
Steve's failure was to not explicitly ask "Are you sure you'd rather not sort them by surname?" While if I had an employee do what Steve did, sure, I'd not penalize him as he did do what was asked. But if he had a history of that behavior rather than asking questions in a manner designed highlight that the request was non-standard when he believes the request was malformed, he'd go to the top of the layoff list. I am not interested in employees who play games at the company's expense, any more than I am interested in employees who are Prima Donna's. Both types of employees I am better off without.
PROTIP - if somebody asks you two or three times if you're really, really, really sure about something, stop right there, step back, and take a good, hard look at your request.
Or alternatively, do something so bad the first time they is never a second request to perform the task.
Can confirm.
I'm crap at ironing, takes me hours. Wife got so impatient with me doing it she doesn't ask me to do it again.
Genius
didn't work here. Most of my clothes are now unironed and have been for a year (this is mainly the jeans and t-shirts which are worn at home - and being WFH it is not a problem).
If God had meant us to iron shirts
She wouldn't have given us jumpers.
Easier method.
Neither the Wife nor I enjoy ironing. So neither of us owns anything that requires it.
Old timers advice to the young married man... when you're asked to wash the dishes after dinner, wash them slowly and badly. The second night break a plate or a glass. The third night, enjoy watching the new missus washing the dishes!
Old timers advice to the young married man... when you're asked to wash the dishes after dinner ...
... go out and buy a dishwasher.
Coffee
I don't drink coffee, but I have been known (probably less than a dozen times) to make the instant stuff in the cupboard for visitors.
When I started a new job the boss asked me to make coffee for the team.
Freshly ground coffee (they were coffee snobs it turned out) looked pretty similar to instant to me, and so I just chucked some in a cup, added boiling water and stirred.
Que "are you trying to poison us", "are you trying to get sacked on the first day", etc.
I was never asked again.
Re: Coffee... and Tea
When I was a good little boy of about 6 or so, I made my mum a cup of tea, with sugar and milk as she liked it. I didn't know that's not how you made lemon tea... :/
Salve Grumio!
Smoking computers
Working at a hospital more than 25 years ago... There was one instance where a computer was smoking and nobody turned it off until flames were present.
I had given the doctors and nurses a very stern talking not to turn off a specific computer because it was paramount for operations. Well, until it started smoking and finally caught fire. Then they did turn it off.
They had smelled and seen the smoke but remembered my very explicit instructions and let it go until the machine showed flames. They probably feared the wrath of the BOFH.
Re: Smoking computers
Lawl! They'd never heard that function follows form, if it's smoking and/or on fire it's no longer a computer!
Re: Smoking computers
I had something similar once. An irate user called down to ask why their job wasn't printing. I checked the print queue - printer offline. "Is it switched on?" I ask. "Of course it's switched on," user says. "Can you just check if it's got paper?" Silence for a few moments. "There's smoke coming out of it," he says. "I take it that's not a good thing?".
Rate your skill level
Our management wanted to know the skill level of people in the department, so a questionnaire was created, which we all had to fill in. The questions were along the lines of What is your skill level in Windows/Linux/Mainframe
0 - I know nothing
1- There is a lot I do not understand
2 - I know a lot about it
We were told to answer the questions - and not to be too clever.
I had worked on the mainframe for over 30 years - and knew a lot about it. (People came to me for help) - but I knew there was so, so much I didnt know, so I put my self down as "1 There is a lot I do not understand"
The results were interesting.
The "experts" all came out as "need to develop their knowledge". The people who knew how to logon (and not much else) came out as "experts".
At first management were very happy, as they had some data. Some of us techies were asked to review the report and made comments like "give them a kernel dump, and they would not know where to start".
Us techies then rated the other people in the department, and the results were completely the opposite.
Management then realised they had asked the wrong question. They should have asked "do you have the knowledge to do your job" ( ie do you know which buttons to push) - but they gave up and this survey was never seen again.
We learned that you get what you ask for - so make sure you ask the right questions.
Re: Rate your skill level
Everyone where I work has to do that every 6 months. I suspect that it actually gets very similar results.
Any Engineer who rates themselves as 3 or higher (out of 5), would be an expert in most peoples books.
All mananglement apparently score 5 out of 5 on everything, even the skills that they can't even spell!
The scorecard system used to identify staff to perform particular tasks, seems to use the Engineer rating pretty well (again taking 3 or higher to mean expert).
Re: Rate your skill level
re manglement scoring 5/5.
We had a guy like that, so we hatched a plan. We had a deep problem which we could not resolve, so we assigned it to one of the "expert managers" with a 5/5 in the area, and made sure his name was on the charts for action and resolution. Suddenly he was not keen to point the finger at us. We eventually got him trained
Re: Rate your skill level
Oh dear, the memories. I know exactly what you mean. We had to take an annual skills inventory. This was reviewed by my line manager and normally came back with an instruction to raise my reported skill level for most of the categories. It was exactly what you're referring to. I knew quite a lot but was aware that there were others who knew much more than I did.
Re: Rate your skill level
I remember a small company I once worked for tried this - but the questions they asked tried to elicit a desired response. I think almost every single question was asked in a way that pointed you towards the answer they wanted. I wish I could remember the questions (it was 20 years ago) but I raised it in a company wide meeting and the survey was quietly dropped.
Re: Rate your skill level
Back in the last century, there was a 'skills inventory' developed at my employer.
You were allowed to view and update your own skills at any time. There were no "are you sure?" or other validation checks.
So...
When (and it happened often) a salesman over promised and an over enthusiastic planner had caused a project to be rushed through, there was often a nasty "fix the bodges" maintenance task a few months (weeks?) later.
What seemed to come as a complete surprise to management was the sudden downgrading or complete evaporation of the relevant skills from those people smart / cynical enough to predict the "faecal fan fiasco" and thus dodge the summons for support. The 'bounce back' shortly afterwards when an attractive new project was in the offing also caused some bewilderment.
The whole thing was dropped within a year.
Classic
Classic case of "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake".
That's what some employees do if they think you become their enemy.
CHANGE follow the steps to the the letter, even if you can blatantly see it's wrong, no backups mentioned, but you do it anyway and keep quiet, it has been peer reviewed, approved by change board and then implemented. Wait for the fallout, cover ass by pointing out instructions, be the hero by having the back out in place and ready to run. Remind bosses during pay review of how much you saved them !
Fortunately (or unfortunately) for me, I am the guy who ends up getting called to fix the mess *after* someone follows instructions but, rather than stopping if there is a problem, blindly carries on regardless. Or even worse, decides that they know better than the instructions and decide to 'do it their way'.
Keeps me in a job so I can't bitch about it too much!