BOFH: You want presentation layer, but we're physical layer
- Reference: 1663928953
- News link: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2022/09/23/bofh_2022_episode_18/
- Source link:
Apparently someone has not enjoyed a recent interaction with either the PFY or me and as a result they have implied that our manner was in some way brusque and not at all customer-focused.
I know.
[1]
I'm not sure who the complainant is but it must be someone new to the Company as no one who's been here for any length of time wishes to have the undivided attention of either the PFY or myself. However, I'm sure the meeting with HR will clear all this up ...
[2]
[3]
"... and the substance of their complaint is that you didn't solve their complaint, didn't make any effort to find the source of the issue, and palmed them off with some platitudes about switching their device off and on to clear the problem."
"How is that seen as palming them off?" the PFY asks. "If anything, switching a piece of kit off, waiting 10 minutes, then switching it back on again restores functionality about 50 percent of the time."
[4]
"Wait a minute!" I interject. "This isn't about the time the Boss's wife called me about why his life support machine was beeping, is it? Because that was totally on me. And I might have said 30 minutes instead of 10. Mea Culpa."
"But let's not forget the plus side," the PFY adds. "The hospital concerned was very close to meeting its power-saving targets that month."
"We like to give back," I agree, nodding.
[5]
"It's not about that," the HR droid replies.
"It's not the guy from the colored pencil office still upset because I said liter when I should have said milliliter, is it? Who in their right mind would use that much isopropyl to clean a cooling fan?"
"No, it is not Keith from the drafting office," HR says, "although he has indicated that he'll be putting in a complaint when the burns have healed."
"Well, then I'm at a loss," I say.
"We received a complaint that you – both of you, that is – refused to try and fix someone's computer."
"That doesn't ring a bell," I say.
"Last Tuesday?"
"Hmmmmmmmm, no?"
"Last Tuesday, another person from the drafting office?" HR hints, helpfully.
"Nothing springs to mind."
"They say they brought their MacBook Air in and you refused to take a look at it."
"Oh, I thought you said COMPUTER!" the PFY says.
"A Mac's a computer."
"Agree to disagree," the PFY shoots back.
"See, the problem is the OSI model," I explain to the HR person.
"The ... OSI model?" HR asks.
"Yeah. You see, what you're after is presentation layer but we're more ... physical layer."
"I don't know what you mean."
"Well, I think what you would see as optimal is us having a user interface which has been tailored toward listening to pointless stories – an interface which has an almost infinite 'listen-timeout'.
"This would be an interface which could take packets of information, delivered out of sequence and which contain a lot of spurious data. You'd want it to take those onions-in-our-belts data, which might not meet even the most basic of data sanity checks, and from all of the above data assemble a request."
"Go on," HR says, slightly confused.
[6]BOFH : It's Friday, it's time to RTFM
[7]BOFH and the case of the disappearing teaspoons
[8]BOFH : Who us? Sysadmins? Spend time with other departments?
[9]BOFH : Selling the boss on a crypto startup
"And you'd then like that data translated into an action plan, execute that action plan, and then compose a response packet which has been tailored to delivering coherent data back to the client."
"I ... think I understand what you're saying."
"But you'd like that return data to be translated into small, easily received packets and have it delivered synchronously; able to buffer the response information whenever extraneous data – also with data sanity issues – is presented."
"I ..."
"So, in the OSI model most of this activity occurs in layers 4 to 7 – which does the data sorting, assembly, parity checking, and discarding before presenting a concise request to our layer. We call these the Host layers – or, more commonly, 'The Service desk'."
"You mean the Helpdesk."
"If you like. In any case, the complainant is wanting us to operate in those higher levels of the model, which is not our area of expertise. We exist at the lower levels, presenting our data to the higher layers to present to the user. We don't really have a presentation layer as such."
"But surely you could ..."
"No, that would be mixing up the layers. And that never goes well."
"I still think you should ..."
"But our layer is optimized to the type of work we do."
"And yet your employment contract notes nothing about these 'layers' ..." HR shoots back.
"It wouldn't. It's not a technical document."
"Exactly – so how about you do what you're supposed to do to make the problem go away and we won't start wondering which layer of HR it is – or isn't – that pays you."
"Okee dokee," I say, texting the PFY. "I'll just wait here, shall I?"
"What for?" HR asks blankly.
... 2 minutes later ...
"... ripped it from the wall?" HR says to their caller.
"That'll be the network layer," I say. "Or maybe it's the data layer."
"... a ... HAMMER?" HR gasps.
"Ah. That'll be the hardware layer," I say. "Will you need me to explain that? Only I left my chainsaw down in the office ..."
[10]BOFH: The whole shebang
[11]The Compleat BOFH Archives 95-99
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[6] https://www.theregister.com/2022/09/09/bofh_2022_episode_17/
[7] https://www.theregister.com/2022/08/26/bofh_2022_episode_16/
[8] https://www.theregister.com/2022/08/12/bofh_2022_episode_15/
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Re: Mac Problems are easily dealt with
Don't forget the 3 R's!!!
Reset, Retry, Restore
(Can't remember the order, but do remember finding it on Apple's web site.
Re: Mac Problems are easily dealt with
I think it goes, Restore from factory defaults, reset to factory defaults, retry the rare earth magnet bath to realign the unicorn dust
Re: Mac Problems are easily dealt with
Even Easier:
"I'm sorry that's not an IT Supported Product."
"Whats that? Yes, your Manager was informed of that, in writing, when he made the Purchase Order. Please take the issue up with him."
Re: Mac Problems are easily dealt with
As a retired old fart, I phoned Apple to tell them that my iMac had a line of red pixels all the way down the middle of the screen. They checked the warranty and told me to take it to the nearest agent. I told them that I was elderly, and couldn’t easily transport it there - "No problem, we’ll send somebody to your home". A nice man came the next day and replaced the screen on site. Sometimes being polite/reasonable works.
The good old DOOM chainsaw
BRAAAAAAP!
Extended lunch time right now. Cheers!
"They say they brought their MacBook Air in and you refused to take a look at it."
"Oh, I thought you said COMPUTER!" the PFY says.
It's not a computer, it's a fashion accessory.
*Where did the Paris Hilton icon go??
Additional layers of OSI support required
And they do not operate at OSI layers 8-10 of friends , money and politics (in no particular order)?
I'm sure they know how to operate the money layer. When was the last time they had to pay in the pub? They surely have friends at the pub to manage policy issues at the political level to manage the money layer (even if it sometimes requires layer 1).
Wow, nice work Simon!
Transport layer, the layer that removes the carpets full of lime and such!
Sorry to be serious, but it didn't mention whether the Mac was actually the company's or the user's personal property.
Was getting flashbacks to when some twat wanted is to deal with his personal laptop and then bloody moaned when I refused.
Given some of the people I work with it's a moot point.
It may have been the company's (or even another employee's) but it's their personal one now.
Even if it still has the previous owner's name engraved on it to prevent that sort of thing.
helpful
I always helped personal issues especially when malt whisky or "I'll owe you a favour" was involved...
Re: helpful
It depends entirely on the attitude of the person coming to you from help.
If they ask for help, in a polite and reasonable manner, they are likely to get it.
If they demand help, in a rude and unpleasant manner, and it's not work related, they'll get told "no", and possibly reported to their line manager, depending on exactly how much of an arse they are.
Re: helpful
Yep, when i have a queue of people asking for help, i always start with...
'Who's next? We'll start the bidding at a bottle of laphroaig.'
I had an instance of this once. I took the 'obvious rules' logic, the laptop was their personal property but they were making out it was essential for work and insisted we investigate and fix the problem, so I wiped it and loaded one of our corporate images on as per our SLA and policies. I don't think they appreciated that our image was one version of windows behind what they had installed and locked into our group policy, I think my manager at the time took on the task of releasing it from our corporate controls with a quiet word about what is brought in to be fixed to the wider org.
The Reverse
Head of the council, complained he could no longer receive his emails etc, attended call to discover his son had done something he shouldn't & someone had helpfully installed a fresh copy of Windows XP (Icon) to try & hide their screwup.
I think I passed that call over to one of the permies of IT Support, as one of my contracting colleagues had recently asked a councilor not to park in our loading bay & was gone within the day. She also had a hardware failure of her laptop (Not related) some weeks later & feelings were so high against her that neither permies or contractors would touch it & it eventually had to be done by the team lead.
A small (or not) Christmas gift to the folks in IT is never a bad idea.
Also, fixing your own problems and passing on what you learned to you favourite IT person is never a bad idea.
Superb explanation of OSI layer model
Might run that by our students when next I teach networks in my course Introduction to Computing Science (in which I should really devote a chapter to important acronyms and abbreviations such as BOFH, PFY, and TITSUP).
Mac Problems are easily dealt with
"I'm waiting for Apple support to get back to me".