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  ARM Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life (Terry Pratchett, Jingo)

Brute force and whiskey: The solution to all life's problems

(2022/06/06)


Who, Me? Welcome back to Who, Me?, where this week a reader tells us how they used brute force and whiskey to solve a pyrotechnic problem.

Our story comes from a fellow Regomized as "Rick" and concerns a launch campaign using sounding rockets from a European test site.

Sounding rockets can't make it to orbit, but can carry scientific payloads to perform experiments during their sub-orbital lob. Some have an apogee above 500 miles (804km), while others go considerably lower.

[1]

The rockets in Rick's story, which is set many, many years in the past, were relatively large, "not to mention expensive," he said.

[2]

[3]

When perched on its pad, the hardware was connected via a hefty cable that both supplied power to the rocket and telemetry back to the controllers. Connection was via a multi-pin plug stuck into a socket on the vehicle and secured against the pressure of two springs. Seconds before ignition, a pyrotechnic device was fired to release the plug, which would spring away from the rocket.

Simple in theory. Not so simple in practice.

[4]

"To the horror of the launch team," said Rick, "it was found that during storage, corrosion had set in on these sockets, and a successful release could not be guaranteed."

[5]Keeping your head as an entire database goes pear-shaped

[6]Beware the fury of a database developer torn from tables and SQL

[7]September 16, 1992, was not a good day to be overly enthusiastic about your job

[8]An international incident or just some finger trouble at the console?

What to do? The rocket launching with the cable still attached didn't bear thinking about. But changing the sockets would require rewiring followed by a certification process, all of which would have been expensive and delayed the program.

"After much head-scratching," said Rick, "a solution was found."

At this point, it is worth pointing out once more that the events of this story take place many, many years ago and we can't imagine anything like the disregard for safety described below happening today. [9]Oh wait.

The solution, such as it was, involved heading to a nearby village and finding a retired farmer willing to take some chances in exchange for cigarettes and whiskey.

[10]

He was, recalled Rick, "persuaded to stand on the gantry next to the sounding rocket, and when he heard relays click and turbo pumps start winding up, to give the plug in its socket a mighty kick."

This would do the job the pyrotechnic might not and free the cable.

He was then to run down the stairs as fast as he could, across the pad, and "as soon as he saw his shadow in front of him, to throw himself to the ground and remain there until quiet descended."

"Surprisingly," said Rick, "this worked perfectly for all the launches except the last, when it appeared that having forgotten his promise to drink the whiskey after, and not before, the launch, he fell down the gantry and broke his leg.

"The sounding rocket, however, lifted off with complete success."

Ever skipped health and safety in search of success? Or been bribed with the adult beverage to do something that, in retrospect, might not have been too clever? Tell your story with an email to [11]Who, Me? ®

Get our [12]Tech Resources



[1] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/science&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=2&c=2Yp3QQDgjJ6xW3d3dNH1L0gAAAMg&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D2%26raptor%3Dcondor%26pos%3Dtop%26test%3D0

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[3] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/science&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=3&c=33Yp3QQDgjJ6xW3d3dNH1L0gAAAMg&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D3%26raptor%3Deagle%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0

[4] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/science&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=4&c=44Yp3QQDgjJ6xW3d3dNH1L0gAAAMg&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D4%26raptor%3Dfalcon%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0

[5] https://www.theregister.com/2022/05/30/who_me/

[6] https://www.theregister.com/2022/05/23/who_me/

[7] https://www.theregister.com/2022/05/16/who_me/

[8] https://www.theregister.com/2022/05/09/who_me/

[9] https://arstechnica.com/science/2022/04/pythom-space-tests-its-rocket-with-questionable-safety-practices/

[10] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/science&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=3&c=33Yp3QQDgjJ6xW3d3dNH1L0gAAAMg&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D3%26raptor%3Deagle%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0

[11] mailto:whome@theregister.com

[12] https://whitepapers.theregister.com/



Rockets...

Anonymous South African Coward

I will rather leave the planning, design and launching of rockets over to experts.

Or rednecks who tend to try and use their butt as a launching platform for small fireworks which is launched like a rocket.

Re: Rockets...

b0llchit

I will rather leave the ... over to experts.

And subsequently be shanghaied to pull the plug while launching :-)

Re: Rockets...

Tom 7

I was in the town of Malcesine on Lake Garda when they had a festival. They simply held the sticks of rockets in their hands to launch them. Hundreds of men were doing this - possibly due to the rather nice 12p a bottle RIcc.io Rosso Spumante local red champagne with a plastic cork. Never quite had the guts to try it myself despite seeing so many people doing it without any signs of injury.

Why a "retired farmer"?

LDS

Except being in some cruel minds "expendable" - was an old man better suited to the task, than one of the technicians?

Re: Why a "retired farmer"?

Pascal Monett

Indeed, that is a fair question.

A young man with full knowledge of what was going on would certainly have run faster than some poor old coot.

Re: Why a "retired farmer"?

Doctor Syntax

Yup. He'd have run faster at the very suggestion.

Smells and not of whisky...

2+2=5

Did the farmer take his prize bull up onto the gantry as well? I ask because this story is so full of BS I wouldn't be the least surprised.

Re: Smells and not of whisky...

Jaspa

If he did, that would explain the price of Beef "skyrocketing."

Thats the best you'll get from me on a monday :)

Re: Smells and not of whisky...

Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese

The steaks were just too high

Re: Smells and not of whisky...

jake

It would behoove you not to tell such rib-ticklers.

Re: Smells and not of whisky...

Wally Dug

If you have a beef, take it up with the management.

Sounds like ...

jake

... one of the stories some biker friends might preface with "This ain't no shit ... ".

Feck!

Wyrdness

There are a couple of things to note here. First is that it's described as 'a European test site' (so probably not UK) and, secondly, the spelling of whiskey.

Now read the story again, this time with Father Ted in mind. It all makes sense now.

Re: Feck!

Red Sceptic

So that would be an ecumenical matter!

Launch

elsergiovolador

They wouldn't let some random farmer onto a launch site, not without clearance and insurance.

Probably the actual launch was in Rick's head after he downed that bottle, then a farmer found him in the barn naked cuddling a rake.

Re: Launch

Anonymous Coward

As a previous commenter notes it was a European launch site. I'm wondering if was French Guyana (technically France, so technically technically European) where things may be a bit more relaxed, especially in days of yore.

Narrowing it down

Data Mangler

A bit of sleuthing is required to determine the veracity of this story. Firstly. there is the mention of turbo pumps. In my mind this suggests that the rocket was liquid fuelled. The great British success in sounding rockets was the Skylark which was, I believe, solid fuelled, so I think this rules out the Skylark. Similarly, the Canadian Black Brant was solid fuelled. There's the V2, of course, but what other liquid fuelled sounding rockets were there?

LBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??!