Fish mentality: If The Rock told you to eat flies, would you buy my NFT?
- Reference: 1649414713
- News link: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2022/04/08/something_for_the_weekend/
- Source link:
Well, there's an app for that. OK, not an app, at least not yet, but lab boffins at [1]Pacific Northwest have developed a wireless device to not just track where a fish is swimming but also monitor its health and behavior . Miniaturized to about the size of a pen cap, this biotelemetry tag senses everything from heartbeat to tail beat and ambient environmental conditions such as water pressure and (oh yes) magnetic field.
The information gathered by the 2.4g device should help scientists determine what stresses a fish out – climate change, human infrastructure projects, that kind of thing. For example, legislation in many countries insists that migratory species such as salmon are not made too sulky by the introduction of hydropower facilities to want to swim upstream for a bit of piscine nookie.
[2]
They're calling it " [3]Lab-on-a-fish ." It's essentially a fishy Fitbit.
[4]
[5]
I wonder if I might borrow one as I think I have upset my neighbor's fish. The neighbor asked me to pop round twice a day while she was away to add some feed, keep its water clean, and check for those subtle telltale signs such as floating upside down immobile at the surface.
I felt sorry for the little fish in its bare tank and so I installed some aquatic furniture that I bought from a pet shop.
[6]
I thought a sunken castle, plastic seaweed and a bubbling treasure chest would cheer it up. Instead, the fish is acting kind of… grumpy. I suspect it doesn't like the sudden gentrification of its environment. Perhaps I should have prepared it for the change by introducing a miniature skip and some landscape gardening tools before the subaqueous yuppies moved in.
Lab-on-a-fish already counts tail-flicks (is 10,000 a day the target?) but to be a real fish fitness tracker it should be developed further to record what the fish is eating.
Not that I have ever seen an obese fish reluctant to go on the scales, but what animals feed on can change their behavior. Research by the Milner Centre of Evolution even suggests [7]vegetarian birds are more sociable than insect-eaters.
[8]
It's completely the opposite with humans: veggies and vegans are fussy, difficult, and lonely buggers who never get invited to dinner. I should know. Meat-eaters, by contrast, are gregarious and easy to please. So much so that they will eat any old shit if everyone else is eating it, according to yet more research.
The BI Norwegian Business School found that if a celebrity influencer such as Angelina Jolie or Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson endorsed energy bars made of crickets or mealworm burgers, [9]carnivores would follow suit .
[10]The month I worked for DEADHEAD: Yes, that was their job title
[11]In the graveyard of good ideas, how does yours measure up to these?
[12]Unable to write 'Amusing Weekly Column'. Abort, Retry, Fail?
[13]The Human Genome Project will tell us who to support at Eurovision
According to the study, men were most influenced by famous actors and athletes telling them to eat insects. Women were found to be even more responsive to actors saying it's OK to chomp on creepy-crawlies but totally put off by musicians saying the same thing. Now you know.
Me, if I'm low on protein, I eat some peanuts.
Could a future fish fitness tracker gather enough behavioral data one day to determine whether fish would respond to similar peer pressure? I was going to say that it would be hilarious to imagine what an aquatic-life influencer would look like, but I think I have seen plenty on TikTok already.
Talking of desperate social media marketing and influencers with the mental capacity of a tadpole, you are reading this in the middle of the French presidential election. And it's turning out to be a tech-tastic media blast as the 12 candidates (yes, 12) try to convince voters that they'd metaphorically adore eating dung beetles for breakfast.
The most notable media coverage of the election in terms of IT ignorance so far has been that of left-wing firebrand Jean-Luc Mélenchon's simultaneous appearance as a "hologram" across multiple city venues across France.
[14]Youtube Video
"Hologram" – yeah, right. As you have already guessed by looking at the footage above, it's not a hologram, it's the classic Pepper's Ghost illusion in which a moving image is mirrored onto a sheet of glass on stage. It's a nice trick but apart from the digital capture and projection, the technology dates back to 1862.
You'd know if I'd been at one of the "hologram" speeches this week – I'd be the one shouting from the back: "Viva Las Vegas! Do Hound Dog!"
Still, if spittle-spraying Mélenchon's team are calling it a "hologram," everyone follows suit and calls it a "hologram" even when they know it is not. As in "artificial intelligence" (ie, it's not intelligent), "cryptocurrency" (not a currency) and "smart lightbulb" (do you really need me to explain that one?)
More surprising is how everyone missed a trick by not claiming that Melvis was appearing on multiple stages around the country via the metaverse . As a [15]Forrester report pointed out , business decision-makers are running around talking about the metaverse as if it actually existed – which of course it doesn't. But hey, don't let that stop you!
In fact, if you think there is a metaverse and that French presidential candidates are holograms, I have an NFT you might be interested in.
Luxury gift designer [16]Goldgenie is selling NFTs that come with a diamond-encrusted 24k gold iPhone Max 13. The phone is a real phone, albeit with more than a hint of fugly Saddam/Trump chic, but I can't describe what the NFT is for reasons you can work out for yourself. It's selling for $250,000. Don't all rush at once. If only The Rock could demonstrate that it's OK to eat one, eh?
Ah, excuse me, my watch has reminded me it's time to feed the fish. He may be grumpy but he has me well-trained.
***
Before I go, allow me to add a footnote to say that this week's column marks 10 years of SFTW. A whole decade of this, just imagine! Yes, I know, it seems longer. And it [17]began here . Every column is still on The Reg for your reading displeasure, so as hologrammatic AI Angeline Jolie says, eat them up now.
Thanks for staying faithful, friends.
[18]Youtube Video
Alistair Dabbs is a freelance technology tart, juggling tech journalism, training and digital publishing. He reads your comments every week. That is, his hologram reads them. More at [19]Autosave is for Wimps and [20]@alidabbs .
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[1] https://www.pnnl.gov/
[2] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/bootnotes&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=2&c=2YlBcMUZhK1J1Cucs-H2@RgAAAJA&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D2%26raptor%3Dcondor%26pos%3Dtop%26test%3D0
[3] https://ieeexplore.ieee.org/stamp/stamp.jsp?arnumber=9608957&tag=1
[4] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/bootnotes&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=4&c=44YlBcMUZhK1J1Cucs-H2@RgAAAJA&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D4%26raptor%3Dfalcon%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0
[5] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/bootnotes&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=3&c=33YlBcMUZhK1J1Cucs-H2@RgAAAJA&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D3%26raptor%3Deagle%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0
[6] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/bootnotes&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=4&c=44YlBcMUZhK1J1Cucs-H2@RgAAAJA&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D4%26raptor%3Dfalcon%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0
[7] https://www.bath.ac.uk/announcements/vegetarian-birds-more-sociable-than-insect-eaters-shows-research/
[8] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/bootnotes&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=3&c=33YlBcMUZhK1J1Cucs-H2@RgAAAJA&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D3%26raptor%3Deagle%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0
[9] https://www.bi.edu/research/business-review/articles/2022/01/why-angelina-jolie-can-make-you-eat-more-insects/
[10] https://www.theregister.com/2022/04/01/something_for_the_weekend/
[11] https://www.theregister.com/2022/03/25/something_for_the_weekend/
[12] https://www.theregister.com/2022/03/18/something_for_the_weekend/
[13] https://www.theregister.com/2022/03/11/something_for_the_weekend/
[14] https://youtu.be/EyB-NHspN-E
[15] https://www.theregister.com/2022/04/04/metaverse_forrester_planning/
[16] https://www.goldgenie.com/
[17] https://www.theregister.com/2012/04/06/something_for_the_weekend_apple_3_is_sucky_not_hot/
[18] https://youtu.be/YxuXh-U7vm8
[19] https://autosaveisforwimps.substack.com
[20] https://twitter.com/alidabbs
[21] https://whitepapers.theregister.com/
Lab-on-a-fish
Next step: Fish-as-a-Service.
Re: Lab-on-a-fish
Why not? Phish as a Serivce is already a thing.
Re: Lab-on-a-fish
Personally, I prefer fish-as-a-main-course.
Mostly wrapped in a crispy batter and with a side of chips and mushy peas.
But that's just me.
Re: Lab-on-a-fish
I'm a fan of Pot-Fish: Synthetically and artificially fish-flavoured instant snack products in a plastic pot-shaped container.
But I avoid pale imitations such as Cuppa-Fish and I Can't Believe It's Not Pot-fish.
Blimey! That's good!
Re: Lab-on-a-fish
...but not wrapped in newspaper!!!
(Not going to comment on 10 years of articles - just last week's)
The fish is probably upset because it's owner didn't get it the matching earpods that it wanted. Either that or because the tank doesn't have rounded corners.
More likely it wasn't fish friendly plastic and it is releasing bisphenols into the water.
"Before I go, allow me to add a footnote to say that this week's column marks 10 years of SFTW. A whole decade of this, just imagine! Yes, I know, it seems longer. And it began here. Every column is still on The Reg for your reading displeasure, so as hologrammatic AI Angeline Jolie says, eat them up now."
If you published it all in one massive "A decade of SFTW" on the interweb, some one would be astute stupid enough to pay for the NFT.
I attended an NFT panel discussion at the Angoulême Festival at which a multimedia artist explained that the value in the NFTs she sold lay in their exclusivity. So if I sold a decade of SFTW as an NFT, I'd have to delete every single trace of the originals from the internet.
In fact, I think this may end up the theme of next week's column, as the panel discussion turned out quite odd. One of the speakers, an academic who'd been invited to talk about the benefits of blockchain, ended up berating the others over the utter uselessness and environmental vandalism of craptos and NFTs.
I doubt there's much difference between actors and actresses influencing the gullible to go vegan or to eat insects. It's the same principle. If the money's right it might even be the same actors and actresses.
selling NFTs that come with a diamond-encrusted 24k gold iPhone Max 13
It's almost the perfect investment, because once the glued in, sealed in irreplaceable battery on the phone dies in two years time, it'll be as pointless and useless as the NFT you bought with it.
If only the fish-tracker people could have been told about this offer before it was made, they could have done a far more interesting experiment. Simply install a twat-tracker app on the phone, and gather data about everything the sort of person who would waste quarter of a million on this "classy" luxury does for the next 2 years, and we could have a rich source of data enabling us to work towards ending such gaudy wasteful awfulness by publishing it for everybody else's amusement.
Hologram
"As you have already guessed by looking at the footage above, it's not a hologram, it's the classic Pepper's Ghost illusion in which a moving image is mirrored onto a sheet of glass on stage."
Ah yeah, but don't forget french hacks generally have lower tech skills than my cats (yes, they have, they learnt how to bypass the cat door security, when there is no battery anymore and should not been allowed in).
Any serious computer is deemed "a full load of technology", which, in itself, says it all: I can't understand all buzz words ...
"smart lightbulb" (do you really need me to explain that one?)
They're really no longer a bulb shape? (Well unless your going for one of those faux hipster arty farty, super expensive ones, but who does that, really?)
Is it when one uses one's smart phone as a torch?
Happy Anniversary!
And thank you not for making me feeling older, as if I was lacking this feeling.
Melanchon: a guy whose only job was getting elected again and again but who succeeded nonetheless to become a millionaire, and now who claims to be the reincarnation of Lenin conducting the people to fight against the unfair "System", whatever it is. The same system that made him a millionaire.
I'm so old that I do now know that whatever those 12 candidates say, they won't keep their word when elected and their only goal is to get the Power (and for some from the far-right and the far-left to keep it till the next revolution, if any). All use the same old trick: putting the responsibility of everything wrong on a scapegoat. Only the scapegoat changes: the immigrants, the rich ones, the Left, the Right, Europe, the meat eaters... tell me who is your scapegoat and I'll tell you who you vote for.
Happy fish in its bowl.
Re: Happy Anniversary!
At least Mélenchon became a millionnaire. All the right-wing candidates were born as such.
Re: Happy Anniversary!
Only 10 years - it feels a lot longer.
This Melenchon, did his family invent sadness?
Re: Jean-Luc Mélenchon
[1]Him becoming a millionaire , while technically correct (yes, yes, I know), just happened because of the increase of his Parisian apartment valuation - his declared cash and savings accounts are not much more than middle class.
His stated political goal is to stop someone like him becoming a millionaire like he did.
[1] https://www.bfmtv.com/economie/economie-social/pourquoi-il-n-est-pas-surprenant-que-melenchon-soit-millionnaire_AV-201703230153.html
Re: Jean-Luc Mélenchon
How many people from the real working class are able to buy a flat like the one he has in Paris ?
None.
Re: Happy Anniversary!
Yep. He became a millionnaire by cumulating mandates and getting in return huge amount of taxpayers' money. He's an apparatchik who takes advantage from the system he pretends to denounce.
On the other hand, candidates from the'classical' right wing (the one which isn't openly racist) don't pretend to help the poors they despise. They assume being on the side of the exploiters.
April Fools?
I noticed that Pacific Northwest National Laboratory published their announcement about their "Fitbit for Fish" on April 1st. I'm not saying it is a hoax, but it seems very fishy ...
Happy Anniversary!
... this week's column marks 10 years of SFTW.
Only been an ElReg reader since early 2013 and although have not read all your articles, I cannot but confess that I've enjoyed the ones I did read.
So ...
Happy anniversary Mr. Dabbs!
Thanks for staying faithful, friends.
Noblesse oblige.
Have one on me --->
And a good anniversary week-end.
O.
Happy tenth anniversary!
Oh, and you missed the obvious "yuppie guppies" pun.
Re: Happy tenth anniversary!
That's because he was under too much pressure. It was too deep. He needed to keep his karmic scales balanced, so he avoided swimming down that rabbid hole. He's probably trying to not be so crabby all the time, it's just so shellfish.
I'll get my coat, it's the one with the link to "Wet Dream" in the pocket. =-)p
Ten years?!
You'd think I would have learned not to bother reading ti by now yet somehow here I am.
Keep up the good work. It's always a pleasure
Fish reluctant to go on the scales
Not all fish have scales.
Re: Fish reluctant to go on the scales
Not all fish have scales.
True and those that lack them are considered not kosher.
Cheaper idea
Replace your existing fish with piranha. It'll be pretty easy to tell when they're grumpy.
Halestorm video? Alestorm seems more likely to have a song about fish.
Happy Anniversary
Well. So long eh?
Absolutely great work Mr. Dabbs.
Keep going.
This ones a Duvel.———>
This is your chance
The perfect chance to become wealthy yourself, you have access to a random fish and the tech skills to follow [1]the instructions here.
[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USKD3vPD6ZA
French Political IT ignorance
Nothing has ever resonated like Les Guignols mocking Chirac by portraying him using a computer and refering to the mouse as a moulot instead of a souris.
They forgot..
The information gathered by the 2.4g device should help scientists determine what stresses a fish out – climate change, human infrastructure projects, that kind of thing.
The most important stress is being treated as a fishy guinea-pig. It stresses out humans if they haven't given permission, so I don't see why a fish should be any less strressed. Its not as if they can sign a release document stating they absolve the scientists of any unforseen side effects from being attached to a pen-cap sized device.