You can keep the jumper

That will go well with my Windows 2000 OEM t-shirt, alas now covered in paint and oil.......

Someone bought my a Windows XP shirt for this penguin head many years ago, and I too used it for painting. Now I work for Microsoft. Joke's on me again, I guess!

I think Microsoft's knitwear next year should continue the Windows 11 theme by putting the arms in the middle and stitching up the neck.

Just like they've done to the taskbar and their users, respectively.

"I had always looked upon my beauty as a curse because I was regarded as a whore rather than as an actress. Now at least I understand that my beauty was a blessing. It was my lack of understanding the way to merchandise it that was the curse" - Louise Brooks

These days it's the Microsoft world defined.

I would like to see an HR-training themed Rudolph jumper.

The other reindeer used to laugh and call him names, which is a clear example of workplace bullying on account of his disability. Or perhaps his lawyers could call it racism or even speciesism?

They also won't let him join in any of their reindeer games. Which is yet more evidence of bullying, but also suggests a lax attitude to workplace health and safety, as staff shouldn't be playing games on a work site.

To emphasise this lack of good health and safety practise yet more, his line-manager (Santa) asks him to fly in dangerous weather conditions without adequate safety equipment or training. Is Santa even instrument-rated, given none of his other reindeer are capable of flying in adverse weather conditions?

Now all the reindeer loved him (hopefully not literally - adding sexual harrassment or worse to the charge-sheet) and said he'd "go down in history". I fail to see how the defence can claim this as a good thing, about newly created harmony in the team. I suppose it could be a sign of how desperate the company are to meet deadlines, that having abused poor Rudolph, they're now willing to be kind to him as it's now useful. Or we could put a more sinister light on the phrase, "he'll go down" as yet more bullying, disguised as kindness in hoping that he'll die in the attempt.

So, pretty much anyone could produce this but MS seem like a good candidate.

A jumper to keep in the office to wear on days when there's a new 0day announced that affects you/your company/your cat.

The only potential issue is that the way things are going, you could be wearing it every day in December and early January. Could get a bit ripe...

Really I think that all they need to do to recapture past glories and kick start record sales to displace these other upstarts from the trillionaires club is to remind people of the glory that was the Microsoft Zune.

You're Welcome Satya, of course I'll be your EVP of Corporate Strategy!

That means rounded corners by default when it's worn.

And by that logic, rejecting a Windows jumper would make it hip, to be (linux) square.

A new design? Literally any design with more than four holes in it, that feels poorly made, woolly (itching to take it off) and cumbersome, especially restrictive around the neck, near the point of strangulation, to truly reflect Windows 11.

A new design?

Just a simple picture of the Windows 11 Clock with seconds shown.

How hard could it be to make? Though, getting the original screen grab could be a showstopper to its production.

And maybe in brown, like a punch bag. Microsoft's management will feel quite at home then,when they see one of their users wearing one.

Wikileaks Xmas luxury monopoly set, missing "Get out of jail free" card.

Just a plain bland MIcrosoft blue (screen of death) colour. Nothing on it...no design.

But made by the exclusive designer label "Printer Nightmare", with just a post-it note label stuck to it, to indicate the brand.

Or maybe, just a Penguin getting fuc***, that would say everything it needs to.

I'd love to win this awesome fashion statement...and then I can add it to my "Clippy" costume :-)

https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2015/06/clippy-the-microsoft-office-assistant-is-the-patriarchys-fault/396653/

It should be a jumper featuring an AADvent calendar.

Bonus points if there are opening doors (windows?) which won’t allow access because ADFS is feeling a bit delicate.

It has to be Clippy for next year, surely. Like the weird family member who drives you mad at the Christmas party but you have to somehow tolerate.

I think we can all agree, that's the true meaning of Christmas.

Back in the days when Compaq was a leading manufacturer of IT equipment, esp. servers, they decided to move into the telephony/comms space. I was sent away on their training course (I think it was 3 days in Richmond).

Very worthwhile (yeah, right) and towards the end, having passed the test, we were presented with our T-Shirts. We burst out laughing and it took a short while for the instructor to see the problem. We had all become Compaq Remote Access Partners and the T-Shirt proudly bore the Compaq logo and the initials underneath. C.R.A.P

I wonder if there's anything similar in Microsoft's war chest. A Windows Analytics Necromancer Komrade perhaps?

Lots and lots of pretty (horrible) shiney ribbons

I don't have a shirt idea, but I do have an "I've been dBASEed" button to go on it!

The Microsoft name & logo

Underneath is the text:

Embrace, extend and extinguish

(depending on comma preferences of people alternative for fans of needless extra commas would be "Embrace, extend, and extinguish")

You receive a quality jumper. Every month, a Microsoft employee comes to your house, takes a good look around with his clipboard and takes away your jumper. The next day, your jumper is returned but the sleeve is torn. It'll be fixed in the next update.