News: 1632915255

  ARM Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life (Terry Pratchett, Jingo)

Years of development, millions of lines of code, and Android can't even run a toilet

(2021/09/29)


Bork!Bork!Bork! Bork goes NSFM (Not Safe For Mealtimes) today with a snapshot of Android going places where Windows fears to tread: the gentleman's facilities of a German motorway service station.

Android gets embedded in the most interesting of places. In this case, not-so-smart urinals, judging by the images sent in by Register reader and former [1]Lester haines collaborator Neil Barnes, who chose to whip out his smartphone and capture Android in the act, so to speak.

[2]

[3]

Click to enlarge (if you really want to)

"Proof positive that (a) Google really wants to know everything about you," opined Neil, "and (b) that they're just as good as [Microsoft] at doing it."

We're not so sure – behold [4]Tom's Bloo Screen of Death .

The device itself, known as [5]the "econal" , is a technological marvel, apparently capable of a 95 per cent reduction in water consumption compared to what is normally found bolted to the wall. The Internet of Toilets indeed. What a time to be in need of bladder relief.

[6]

A pair of dedicated sensors keep track of water flow and fluid level (presumably that of device rather than its user) and the econal can also connect to the internet via cellular or wireless technology to serve up "highly targeted" advertising... when it is actually working.

[7]

[8]

"Every other urinal was simply displaying a message saying Android was trying to start," remarked Neil. "I mean, I can see why it wouldn't want to..."

We'll step back from the obvious comment regarding aim (and also skip lightly over the distressing stains on the floor) and ponder how that ad targeting works. How would the econal differentiate its customers? Is the sanctity of the stall a place that tracking cookies dare to tread? Or is it as simple as "Hey, have you thought about some new undies?"

[9]

Or is the "Android" lettering an indicator that the user has failed an "Are you a robot?" test...

Whatever the issue, it seems that the devices are no stranger to bork. A few years ago the poor thing popped up on Reddit as another user noticed it [10]splutter mid-flow , so to speak. Disappear a little further into the clickhole, and the poor receptacles can be found in all manner of distress.

The world has changed in the two years since, but clealy bork continues to remain supreme in the Internet of Toilets.

[11]

The only question is, as a keen Redditor observed: "does it run DOOM?" ®

Get our [12]Tech Resources



[1] https://www.theregister.com/2014/03/19/upgraded_lohan_tracker/

[2] https://regmedia.co.uk/2021/09/29/bork-10_1.jpg

[3] https://regmedia.co.uk/2021/09/29/bork-10_2.jpg

[4] https://www.theregister.com/2020/09/18/bork/

[5] https://www.soracom.io/customers/health-medical/iot-smart-toilet-urinal/

[6] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/bootnotes&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=2&c=2YVSNzsSVdU7HZL0iAUB3fgAAAJA&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D2%26raptor%3Dcondor%26pos%3Dtop%26test%3D0

[7] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/bootnotes&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=4&c=44YVSNzsSVdU7HZL0iAUB3fgAAAJA&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D4%26raptor%3Dfalcon%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0

[8] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/bootnotes&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=3&c=33YVSNzsSVdU7HZL0iAUB3fgAAAJA&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D3%26raptor%3Deagle%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0

[9] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/bootnotes&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=4&c=44YVSNzsSVdU7HZL0iAUB3fgAAAJA&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D4%26raptor%3Dfalcon%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0

[10] https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/f5q1zp/this_urinal_runs_android/

[11] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/bootnotes&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=3&c=33YVSNzsSVdU7HZL0iAUB3fgAAAJA&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D3%26raptor%3Deagle%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0

[12] https://whitepapers.theregister.com/



Not flushed with success

Simon Harris

I hope its inability to flush its buffers won’t lead to any overrun errors.

Re: Not flushed with success

b0llchit

There was an overflow because of a disk full error. There were no survivors.

Re: Not flushed with success

Andy Non

It's just taking the piss.

Re: Not flushed with success

Yet Another Anonymous coward

Presumably it can still take the piss even in this state?

Re: Not flushed with success

2+2=5

It's attached to a urinal - so it won't be a 'log file full' error

Re: Not flushed with success

Andy The Hat

It's the piss-of-death

Re: Not flushed with success

b0llchit

Resulting in a yellow-brown screen of death?

Re: Not flushed with success

W.S.Gosset

They're in the synch.

Boufin

Video over IP? Or IP over Video?

Paul Crawford

I think all of us have a duty to urinate over whatever advert is showing.

Maybe if the advertisers see their product is promoted by a piss-stained image they might stop this crap.

Oh, no, what are the toilets like...

Mast1

I diagnose acute urinary retention in the Android.

The WEEE directive only comes into effect at the end of its life.

WTF…

Shady

…are they touching the touch screen with?

Re: WTF…

elsergiovolador

Probably a pointy conductive organ...

Re: WTF…

ComputerSays_noAbsolutelyNo

Using a pen is likely

Isn't this a solution looking for a problem?

heyrick

I mean, FFS, a special uses-less-water urinal likely does more eventual environmental damage due to being wildly overengineered rather than some simple easy to repair mechanical contraption, like, oh, I dunno, a push knob that doesn't spew water for thirty seconds?

Re: Isn't this a solution looking for a problem?

Disgusted Of Tunbridge Wells

A PIR sensor would be simpler.

But that wouldn't show ads, which is the actual point of this.

A PIR sensor next to a poster?

Re: Isn't this a solution looking for a problem?

Falmari

@Disgusted Of Tunbridge Wells "A PIR sensor would be simpler."

PIR sensor, is that a Piss Intensity Recognition sensor?

Re: Isn't this a solution looking for a problem?

Anonymous Coward

PIR flush toilets are already a thing.

https://www.lazada.co.th/products/bathroom-toilet-sensor-urinal-flush-valve-infrared-urinal-sensor-dc-6v-accessories-i2460988427-s8618503921.html

"Bathroom Toilet Sensor Urinal Flush Valve Infrared Urinal Sensor Dc 6V Accessories..." 186 baht, less than £5 for the valve and sensor if you want to retrofit it.

It's funny Econal's diagram says "smart urinal service and maintenance", as if you can remotely add urinal cakes and clean it with a brush remotely! No substitute for the cleaner cleaning the toilets regularly. Obviously the purpose of that is to shove adverts in front of people, BUT I bet they've used a standard tablet, which means it likely still has its camera and mic. The OS updating automatically is probably what's borked it too.

Re: Isn't this a solution looking for a problem?

Wally Dug

Well, excuse me, but I'd rather not have "a push knob that doesn't spew water for thirty seconds" when I am partaking of a function within a public convenience.

wolfetone

2021 - The Year of Android In The Toilet: POSTPONED.

Targeted ads

Flocke Kroes

Presumably the urinal has bluetooth and can ask your phone for some form of ID.

Re: Targeted ads

bombastic bob

and maybe a credit card chip sensor to read those, too...

Re: Targeted ads

W.S.Gosset

> urinal has bluetooth

More commonly, blue cake.

Re: Targeted ads

anonanonanonanonanon

Just a camera, and it either sells penis enlargement pills or extra large condoms

Back to the Future

Anonymous Coward

with a bluetooth and a camera it could be integrated with Grindr... and gents' bogs could go back to the days when they were mostly full of policemen...

(AC, but would have been the dirty mac, of course!)

Waste

elsergiovolador

So they want to help reduce water usage in the name of green gods, but they do it using probably the most inefficient operating system currently being used?

Probably there is not enough bootcamps to teach how to program microcontrollers...

Re: Waste

bombastic bob

honestly, the hardware cost difference between an android-capable ARM-based device and a microcontroller board probably favors the ARM-based device. And getting a touch screen to work with a microcontroller (let alone serve up ads) might be cost prohibitive on its own.

wwwd

piss pour show

DOOM!!??

Roger Kynaston

What abut crysis?

On another note, perhaps they should put a iPhone in it and charge you €10 per waz.

Icon because increased consumption will lead to increased use of borked pissers.

Re: DOOM!!??

idiot taxpayer here again

A tenner for a waz? Everyone I know calls it a wiz. Well, amongst other names. Indeed, I have one maybe who, appallingly, calls it a piddle...

Spudley

As a parent of young kids, I'm pretty certain this toilet was a character on a recent episode of Danger Mouse.

Can't have your "cake" and eat it.

Efer Brick

So they say.

Wee're all stars now, in the bloke show

herman

It wuz jus takin a wee break then.

Anonymous Coward

Good to see they're finally putting Android where it belongs.

Reboot required!

Falmari

Reboot required, words that should strike fear into the heart of any man standing with tackle out trying to take a piss. The very thought of it sounds painful, be it a soft reboot or heaven forbid a hard reboot. :0

Now if it had been ios not Android a painful reboot would not have been required, you're just holding it wrong. ;)

Re: Reboot required!

idiot taxpayer here again

@Falmari

Have an upvote for making me smile for the first time in many years at usage of the phrase "you're holding it wrong".

Highly targeted by "device" fingerprinting?

fidodogbreath

Unidentified users get generic ads for either extra-small condoms or exciting career opportunities in adult entertainment.

Users whose, um, private pics are backed up to Google Photos get 'relevant' ads based on their Chrome incognito browsing history.

TITSUP

2+2=5

Total Inability To Stream Users Peeing Serve-Up Promotions

[Icon: caution wet floor!]

A blind rabbit was hopping through the woods, tripping over logs and crashing
into trees. At the same time, a blind snake was slithering through the same
forest, with identical results. They chanced to collide head-on in a clearing.
"Please excuse me, sir, I'm blind and I bumped into you accidentally,"
apologized the rabbit.
"That's quite all right," replied the snake, "I have the same
problem!"
"All my life I've been wondering what I am," said the rabbit, "Do
you think you could help me find out?"
"I'll try," said the snake. He gently coiled himself around the
rabbit. "Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have a little fluffy tail
and long ears. You're... hmmm... you're probably a bunny rabbit!"
"Great!" said the rabbit. "Thanks, I really owe you one!"
"Well," replied the snake, "I don't know what I am, either. Do you
suppose you could try and tell me?"
The rabbit ran his paws all over the snake. "Well, you're low, cold
and slimey..." And, as he ran one paw underneath the snake, "and you have
no balls. You must be an attorney!"