Lost in IKEA? So, it seems, is Windows
- Reference: 1629886626
- News link: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2021/08/25/bork/
- Source link:
The problem, as any visitor to the retail giant will attest, is actually knowing where one is in the temple of flatpacked furniture. We've certainly spent many an hour toiling around the Croydon branch in search of an exit and instead come away with several sacks of tea lights that remain unopened to this day.
So if we're not too sure of our in-store location, we're also not sure what Microsoft plans to do with the information. " [1]It looks like you're about to have a relationship-ending row. Would you like some help with that?" is just the sort of perky advice we could do without.
[2]
Click to enlarge
Chris, the eagle-eyed Register reader responsible for today's submission, spotted Windows in the throes of installation upon a screen in the Exeter branch of the retailer. There's no indication of whether the doomed Cortana was barking out instructions, and the screen looks stuck until some kind person answers the Windows giant's request to do a bit of stalking location tracking.
[3]You'll get your money – when this bank has upgraded Windows 7... or bought extended support
[4]OK, which Dombås stuffed Windows 10 to bursting at Swedish flatpack flinger?
[5]We're afraid it might be terminal: Tesco top-up box looking less than tip-top
[6]Bada Bing, bada bork: Windows 10 is not happy, and Microsoft's search engine has something to do with it
It is all in the best interests of the user, right? Not letting Microsoft know where the device is means no weather data (for those unable to open the window), directions (just follow the arrows on the floor like we didn't) or those mysterious "other services."
Exactly what other services are required on a screen in IKEA is open to question. The latest meatball prices? An animation showing customers delighted with their furniture and homewares, hinting at the happy future that awaits those that make it past the queue at payment kiosks?
[7]
Still, it is good to see IKEA updating its systems, even if it might have been better not to do it in front of customers. However, an updated Windows PC is, after all, a happy Windows PC.
[8]
[9]Right up until the point it needs to print something out. ®
Get our [10]Tech Resources
[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EozM4yidI_0
[2] https://regmedia.co.uk/2021/08/24/bork_7_1.jpg
[3] https://www.theregister.com/2020/03/05/bork/
[4] https://www.theregister.com/2020/02/18/ikea_bork/
[5] https://www.theregister.com/2020/02/14/tesco_omnivend/
[6] https://www.theregister.com/2020/02/05/windows_10_binged/
[7] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_software/applications&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=2&c=2YSZpQTgWqjzWbQ3A6hqyqAAAAAc&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D2%26raptor%3Dcondor%26pos%3Dtop%26test%3D0
[8] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_software/applications&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=4&c=44YSZpQTgWqjzWbQ3A6hqyqAAAAAc&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D4%26raptor%3Dfalcon%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0
[9] https://www.theregister.com/2021/03/11/printer_problems_windows_10/
[10] https://whitepapers.theregister.com/
Re: IKEA
Nope. It is pronounced ee-kay-ah.
"Fluent Swedish speaker"
Re: IKEA
Ecky-Ah!
Spoken like a true weapons-grade black pudding wielding northerner!
Re: IKEA
Isn't IKEA just another made-up ford in the home furnishings vocabulary? I mean, does it matter how you pronounce, of if you can pronounce it? (HEJNE? SMASTAD?)
Re: IKEA
A group of people I knew once had a native Swedish speaker amongst them, and for amusement they had a game called The Ikea Game, where they picked a product name out of the catalogue at random and (1) had to try to pronounce it correctly and (2) the others then had to guess what kind of product it was.
Well... I suppose it must have helped pass the time.
Re: IKEA
Nope, it is pronounced "I'm not going there"
Re: IKEA
I drive a Kia, to IKEA!
Lost in IKEA? Don't be so f**ing feeble.
IKEA has maps, which tell you where you are and where the shortcuts are.
Use the f***ing maps, Luke.
Those who do not pay attention are doomed to repeat their wandering until they dry up and blow away like tumbleweed.
We who have been IKEA customers since 1972 (when there were only two IKEA stores in the world) remember a time when there were no f***ing maps in IKEA. No feebleness permitted then, I can tell you.
Re: Lost in IKEA? Don't be so f**ing feeble.
Her in NL, you can only go one general direction in IKEA, swimming upstream is frowned upon, Just follow everybody else, they're leaving too!
Re: Lost in IKEA? Don't be so f**ing feeble.
Saying they have maps somewhere is missing the point this is a deliberate and cynical effort by IKEA to separate as much money from people as possible and fuck anyone who wants to get out of the place but can't find the shortcuts.
Re: Lost in IKEA? Don't be so f**ing feeble.
Only got dragged there once. There were no maps but no chance of getting lost. The only possible route was boustrophedon with no short cuts. The choices were to turn back before the half way point, walk the entire length or smash through a partition wall (my preferred choice if the fire alarm sounded). This was a long time ago so hopefully a fire safety officer expressed my feelings on the layout and made them do something about it.
Windows lost in Ikea?
Windows lost the plot years ago so move along there, nothing to see.
Re: Windows lost in Ikea?
Written using self-assembly language?
Fun and games
The true bork
Anyway - worth giving a read: [1]IKEA’s Flat-Pack Tax Scheme: a Corporate Structure Designed to Facilitate Profit-shifting and Tax Avoidance
[1] https://medium.com/@jurgeng/ikeas-tax-scheme-a-corporate-structure-designed-to-facilitate-profit-shifting-and-tax-avoidance-798caf842fb6
The screen is likely to show...
An outline sketch of someone with a big nose looking confused with a question mark over their head, looking at a plate of meatballs, and then telephoning for instructions.
For a real Ikea horror story
Read SCP-3008
Re: For a real Ikea horror story
Haha that's so good it deserves a link:
[1]https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-3008
[1] https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-3008
Follow the yellow-brick road
IKEA is a bit like Stansted Airport air-side, where the distance from the entrance to exit / boarding gate is maximised. The only difference is that at IKEA you may find shortcuts - not so at the airport...
Re: Follow the yellow-brick road
Ironically since when Stanstead opened it was the easiest airport. Designed like a train station, there were rows of checkin the full length of the building, then quick security a row of gates the full length of the building.
There were no budget airlines, no shops and about 2 places to eat
Infinite ikea
Oh the horror
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcC-A3lG7yc
Windows FP
Hmm, the Windows Flat Pack Edition has lost a screw... it figures.
Paris - since she lost a screw or two too...
[1]Spying is not an uncommon feature for Ikea.
[1] https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-56482797
> We've certainly spent many an hour toiling around the Croydon branch
Not so funny for me, I came close to an actual panic attack at one point, albeit in the Warrington branch. I ended up at the checkouts, realised i'd left an important wallpaper sample behind in the textiles department, took a shortcut through a staircase rather than the whole snake path back, and got utterly lost for 30 minutes feeling nauseous and overstimulated, but then maybe I'm a bit autistic.
IKEA
My wife and I have an unspoken rule about IKEA — we go there separately and we don't comment on what the other bought.
My wife does sometimes bait me by asking me if she has spent too much (at IKEA) but I'm too clever to go down that road.
I just wait for the bills at the end of the month for an idea to see if too much money has actually been spent.
BTW people, it is pronounced 'ii-kay-ya', not 'ai-ki-ya' or 'oi-ki-ya'. You know who you are.