Remind me never to raise a ticket about the LAMP stack with you...

Looks another moot point

Linux Apache mumble Perl-thon ? ;-)

Surely a perfect chance to say "have you tried turning it off and on again"?

What crap management systems they must have (had) there. Issues that surely go beyond misuse of IT staff.

One place I worked, the Unix sysadmins were required to act as porters and receive all deliveries.

Apparently the facilities guy, Windows admins and software developers weren't trusted to read a label on a box of bog rolls, or tell it from a keyboard.

I presented a costed analysis on the waste of our time, which fell on deaf ears.

Alternative, as unappealing as it is, is to consider it easy pay. You make the same money whether you're checking in office supplies or putting out virtual fires.

"I presented a costed analysis on the waste of our time, which fell on deaf ears."

There's a lot to be set for internal invoicing. It might have happened once. After the charge hit the facilities account it wouldn't happen again.

I think the response was very adequate. I would have loved to do that myself.

Then again, if it were the BOFH, I can readily imagine him attaching a cord to said assistant and making it his problem to solve.

With Marmite.

It's breathing so it's an HR problem.

Problem solved.....

"It's breathing"

That's the problem but it can be dealt with.

In my early support days I used to say I was pretty handy fixing anything with a power lead, except the kettle.

This led to rapid promotion and the Peter Principle kicking in at the age of about 29.

Usr: There is a beeping noise coming from under my desk and computer is not working.

Tech: Unplug the heater under your desk and throw it away.

Usr: I don't have a heater under my desk and how would you know?

Tech: Your a woman, it is the thing that is keeping your feet warm. It is always the problem, that is why they are banned.

- a few moments pass

Usr: Ok but now it is making a clicking - buzzing noise and I am smelling smoke.

Tech: - On my way.

At the desk- User had now unplugged the UPS from the wall to plug in the heater, then plugged in the ups into it's self.

Tech: Can I borrow a pair of scissors?

Tech: I found the problem (handing the Usr the the heater without the cord). We will have to replace the UPS and bill that to your department.

Usr: How am I going to keep my feet warm?

Tech: I don't know, socks maybe?

- True story.

When I was a sysadmin 15 odd years ago, one thing that annoyed me was when people's phones stop working (pre POE days) and I got a call. My reply? "I'm IT, not bloody BT!).

his phone seems to work fine

I did have to log a call about a faulty handset, the response from the telecomes (un)Help desk was 'well what are you calling m eon then'

Too much power in a light bulb. Would require an electrical accreditation to work on it.

Three Dead Trolls in a Baggee did a song about system administrators.

There was a potential for staged diagnosis: first testing the cable by making said assistant holding the suitable isolation-stripped end and plugging it in. If that's OK, further diagnostics won't be needed on account of an acute drop in headcount in that office and a nasty smell.

When you have a Facilities Management dept that insists on a cost code and charges to move desks, IT frequently got called on to do office moves.

We got so fed up with it that the standard response was to show up & unplug/unpatch everything, put it in an adjoining office or in the corridor & then tell the end users that after they got the desks moved to where they wanted to give us a call & we would reconnect everything. The number of pointless reorganising of offices because "Margaret wants to sit by the window" dropped to almost nothing.

Strangely we were still willing to move furniture if plied with coffee and cake.

I had noticed a problem with our "help" desk and also knew how to fix it. When I called them to report that they would not talk to me without taking my cost centre. It stayed broken.

When you have a Facilities Management dept that insists on a cost code and charges to move desks, IT frequently got called on to do office moves.

IT should also insist on a cost code and charge about double of Facilities Management, aka the Reciprocal Beancounter method.

We got so fed up with it that the standard response was to show up & unplug/unpatch everything, put it in an adjoining office or in the corridor & then tell the end users that after they got the desks moved to where they wanted to give us a call & we would reconnect everything. The number of pointless reorganising of offices because "Margaret wants to sit by the window" dropped to almost nothing.

Nice application of the BOFH method, I approve.

Strangely we were still willing to move furniture if plied with coffee and cake.

Level one corruption *) , even better ;)

*) Willing to be bought without the need to stay bought.

Corruption? I prefer the term "Incentive-linked decision making".

In this particular environment it would actually have taken less time to have told the user that you don't support lamps, but that the problem was one of the following:-

A) the bulb had blown

B) the fuse had blown

C) It wasn't plugged in and turned on,

and that the user should "try and plug it into a different socket" to eliminate C, change the bulb for a known working one to eliminate B, and if that fixes it then the problem is A and they should buy a replacement bulb. It takes much less time to do that than it takes to get a pair of snips, walk to their desk and cut the cord off.

That the user is a dick is something that can and should be dealt with by the HR peeps through the usual procedures.

I have fixed lamps (some prat of an electrician actually gave one with a dead bulb a PAT test fail...), changed bulbs, helped the chap right at the top of the org chart cart his home sofas around and given good advice on building a decent home theatre setup on a budget, helped employees who have "broken down" cars which has been anything from a flat tyres/batteries to running out of fuel, and created the boss's wife a website for her business.

My personal view is that as long as i'm getting paid, I don't much care what i'm doing or where i'm doing it, as long the the chap paying my salary is equally happy.

Now you can come up with all sort of excuses (not insured etc) but be honest; it actually just comes down to "I don't want to do it" by people who consider themselves too elite to help people unless specifically required to do so by the terms of their employment contract. If we are honest about it on a legal basis then there are more grounds for doing the bloke in the article for criminal damage than there is for somebody being sued for actually helping.

This is all very well providing it doesn't conflict with a task that is more important and/or urgent, especially if the latter is something properly in your remit and the former isn't. The underlying problem usually arises from someone unable to distinguish from the importance of your proper work and their own self-importance.

I'm sorry, *YOUR* insurance doesn't cover *me* doing electrics.

(hides C&G certificate)

A: None, they just deny everyone access to the area served by the light bulb in question.