A hotline to His Billness? Or a guard having a bit of a giggle?
- Reference: 1624001413
- News link: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2021/06/18/on_call/
- Source link:
Today's story is another from Register reader Alessandro (not his name) and takes us back to the glory days before Microsoft Exchange, when Microsoft Mail was all the rage (sort of).
Alessandro worked for a small European company beta testing Microsoft Mail. The team was ace at finding bugs in Microsoft's code, so much so that a member of the development team passed on his direct dial number so the gang could file issues directly, "bypassing the (painful) Microsoft system," explained Alessandro.
[2]
Anyone subjected to the delight of Microsoft's current Feedback Hub might wonder if things have changed that much in the intervening decades.
[3]
[4]
All went well for a few weeks, until the Microsoft developer told Alessandro that he would be taking a five-day vacation. To keep those issues flowing, he handed over the "hunt group" number for the entire Microsoft Mail development team.
"Back in the '90s," Alessandro told us, "a 'hunt group number' was a special number that grouped a number of phone numbers." Call the number, and every phone on the development team would ring. The company name and problem could then be given to whoever picked up.
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"Oh, where are the days that devs could just talk to other company's devs instead of submitting 'issues' and 'tickets' without going through a web interface or (heaven forbid) a call centre..." he sighed.
It was very late on a Friday night (Redmond time) that Alessandro, tiring of the latest bug, called for help. The phone rang. And rang. And rang some more. Eventually it was picked up and an unfamiliar but terse voice answered: "Microsoft, Redmond."
[6]We don't know why it's there, we don't know what it does – all we know is that the button makes everything OK again
[7]Today I shall explain how dual monitors work using the medium of interpretive dance
[8]The server is down, money is not being made, and you want me to fix what?
[9]Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes-Benz? Detroit waits for my order, you'd better make amends
Alessandro was explaining his problem when he started to suspect that the listener was not on the Microsoft Mail team. He was, however, the last one left in the building. Probably some innocent on patrol who had picked up a ringing extension.
"So what's it like to be a security guard for Microsoft? You must know all the big-shots, right?" joked Alessandro.
The annoyed voice on the other end of the phone snapped back: "This is not security. I'm Bill Gates."
[10]
Suspecting a wind-up, Alessandro laughed: "Sure, 'Mr Gates'. I understand and my apologies for having troubled you at this time. I'll call back on Monday and call it a night as it's 4am here now and I'm not thinking straight any more..."
The following Monday, Alessandro called again and this time went straight through to a developer. He told the techie about the japery of Friday and the joker pretending to be Bill Gates.
There was a pause.
The developer checked the time of the call. Late on a Friday night. He checked the number. The hunt group. He checked how many times Alessandro had left the phone ringing. Maybe 20 or 30 rings. Maybe more.
"Yeah," said the developer, "on a Friday night that could have been Bill Gates..."
The developer went on to explain how the hunt groups worked if there was no attached voicemail. An escalation occurred to ring more and more phones until eventually every phone in the building began ringing.
"So, it's entirely possible that you indeed had Bill Gates on the phone, because he absolutely hates ringing phones and picks up immediately when his phone rings..."
Alessandro was suitably gobsmacked. He did not, however, delete the number from his phone until Gates was succeeded by Steve Ballmer.
The story might have ended there (and Alessandro's conviction that he had indeed spoken to His Billness and had a direct line to Gates stored in his phone would later serve him in good stead) if it were not for some current and former Microsoft veterans raising an eyebrow.
One long-time worker we spoke to recalled the building in which the Microsoft Mail team were located (following its relocation from Vancouver after the Network Courier acquisition) being different to that of Gates, making it unlikely that the CEO would have heard a phone ringing: "At most, it would've stopped at a VP."
Another former employee and sharer of Task Manager tales, [11]Dave Plummer , told us it came under the category of "urban legend with some possible roots in fact," before pointing out it was unlikely to have happened on the current campus, but was possible when Microsoft was on Northrup Way.
"They even wired in an extension so that Burgermaster was on the PBX somehow," he told us.
As well as a supplier of fried patties to hungry Microsoft workers, those with long memories might remember the BurgerMaster (note the capitalisation) from the days of Windows 3.0 as " [12]the data segment that recorded the locations of all the other data segments. "
But as for a direct line to Gates? Alessandro is convinced. None of those present at the time that we contacted could definitively deny it having ever happened. So could it be...? We asked Bill himself, but we suspect [13]he might be bit preoccupied with other matters to confirm an On Call moment from 30 years ago.
What do you think? Have you ever dialled up the on-call number and found yourself talking to the biggest of cheeses? Or have you adopted the persona of another and pushed the joke a bit too far? Tell us with an email to [14]On Call . ®
Get our [15]Tech Resources
[1] https://www.theregister.com/Tag/on-call
[2] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_software/front&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=2&c=2YMxuw2tVc9wrF4a0VhTtGQAAAII&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D2%26raptor%3Dcondor%26pos%3Dtop%26test%3D0
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[4] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_software/front&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=3&c=33YMxuw2tVc9wrF4a0VhTtGQAAAII&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D3%26raptor%3Deagle%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0
[5] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_software/front&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=4&c=44YMxuw2tVc9wrF4a0VhTtGQAAAII&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D4%26raptor%3Dfalcon%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0
[6] https://www.theregister.com/2021/06/11/on_call/
[7] https://www.theregister.com/2021/06/04/on_call/
[8] https://www.theregister.com/2021/05/28/on_call/
[9] https://www.theregister.com/2021/05/21/on_call/
[10] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_software/front&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=3&c=33YMxuw2tVc9wrF4a0VhTtGQAAAII&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D3%26raptor%3Deagle%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0
[11] https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNzszbnvQeFzObW0ghk0Ckw
[12] https://devblogs.microsoft.com/oldnewthing/20200114-00/?p=103327
[13] https://www.theregister.com/2021/05/17/bill_gates_allegations/
[14] mailto:oncall@theregister.com
[15] https://whitepapers.theregister.com/
Sunos Documentation
I was managing a Business driven project around that time. The Director of IT was in a turf war with the director of the division I was working in and had refused to co-operate on the project. I was brought in by an IT Division Program Manager to manage the Project with a team of developers employed by the Energy Trading Division. All the SunOS documentation (paper manuals and CD's) was locked in a filing cabinet in thew IT offices and we were based at the HQ building.
The Tech Support team refused access to the documentation and although I had experienced developers on the Unix O/S they were being caught out by SunOs's idiosyncrasies As the technical support team wouldn't, at that point, register a support account for me with Sum we had no access to any technical documentation.
In the end I found copies of the documentation we needed on the University of Alaska's student support site which thankfully didn't need any credentials to log-in.
The Turf War was sorted out in the end after a stand up fight between my boss and the Director of IT who finally realized failure of the project would come home to bite him. Once relations were re-established I was offered copies of the manuals, I just rejected them telling the techs that I had an on-line source.
In a similar vein, I was having big, on-going problems with an expensive leased line (about 15 years ago) and finally, in frustration, I emailed firstname.lastname@big-isp.com of the board of directors I found on their website.
Problem fixed a day later....
Still works even to this day for many firms, I'm sure. But they have a more efficient "We take your complaint very seriously and [insert bollocks here]" answer rather than just getting it done.
A bit disappointing, actually
Getting BillG on the phone on a Friday night is amusing as an urban legend. If true, the "automated escalation" procedure is impressive (was it in place only for Mail?) for the times before the invention of Tech Support. So, all in all, a good story.
Having said that, I understand that the poor Alessandro was a bit uncertain of himself and quite a bit whacked out at 4AM on Saturday. But I am still disappointed a bit that he missed the opportunity to continue with "Well, Mr. Gates, so would you mind terribly to help me with filing this bug report?" and see what would happen next...
the (painful) Microsoft system
I remember trying to report a bug I ran into with VS6. I called the support number and, after a long time in a number of queues, I finally got through to someone of the support desk.
Me: "I would like to report a bug with VS that is holding up our project".
MS: "Sorry, but you are not qualified to say it is a bug; I will have to arrange for the engineering team to collect some data before we will accept your report as a defect. What makes you think it is a bug"?
Me: "Well, it just spat out "Compiler internal error. Please contact support""!
Re: the (painful) Microsoft system
In the pre-PC daze of yore I once tried to report a compiler error for an HP3000:
HP: Sir, you cannot report a compiler error via the telephone.
Me: Why not ?
HP: Your bronze support level does not allow telephone call support !
Me: I am trying to do you guys a favour ...
HP: I am sorry sir ...
Me: Ah well, I will have to speak to the company's lawyers about being sold defective goods.
HP: Defective goods ??
Me: Yup, the compiler that sold us has bugs and is not fit for purpose.
HP: Every compiler has a bug or two.
Me: I know that and you know that, but will the judge know that ?
They accepted my bug report via the telephone ... :)
Re: the (painful) system
Last century : Using a new analogue chip, I found that in order for it to work, I had to have two conditions satisfied, rather than just one, as the data sheet had implied.
Phone call to technical support, UK importer :
Me : I have an issue with a new chip of yours. The XXXX.
Them : Oh, have not heard of problems with that.
Me : I would like to report a bug
Them: We do not have a procedure for that.
"Data sheets: an expression of hope rather than fact." (source : a friend)
Data sheets: an expression of hope rather than fact
I was recently selecting a CPU for a new project. One from Company A looked good. I then found the 56 page "Errata Sheet"* that showed a lot of major features didn't really work, even with the latest silicon revision.
There was no workaround for one of these, so I asked if there were plans to fix it in the next revision. I was told "no", so, as the project would not be able to meet its functional safety requirements (which the device claimed to support), the search resumed...
* I would call that a book, not a sheet.
Hunt Groups
"Back in the '90s," Alessandro told us, "a 'hunt group number' was a special number that grouped a number of phone numbers.""
Pretty sure that's still true in 2021..
Not in the same league but...
I was getting the serious run-around from a a junior techy at our managed services provider, he was asking stupid questions then disappearing for ages.
Apparently he was somewhat surprised to have their marketing director* turn up at his desk, tap him on the shoulder and proceed to give him a right b********g! I got an apology and he left the provider not that long afterwards.
Advice to any juniors reading, think about who you're talking to, they may have been in the industry since before you were born and may well know you're senior managers.
*He'd previously been an account manager and had continued to look after us rather than had over to someone else.
Re: Not in the same league but...
I feel for the poor sod on the other end of the phone in this instance. If my experiences are anything to go by, he will have been trying to simultaneously get your problem solved, along with putting out 20 other competing high-priority dumpster fires.
Having a marketing director swan in from the golf course to give him an earful will probably just have earned you a mental note to charge wanker tax on your next order.
Not anything like this but when I was a junior salesdroid I went to a client (big international corp, makes headphones & speakers much favoured by travelling salesdroids like myself) to meet with somebody low on the IT ladder to talk about a minor deal. In the cafeteria having a coffee with their IT chap when the chairman came in with entourage including legal, finance and a scribe. He was over from the States, had heard that the 'vendor' was in the building and thought he'd take the opportunity to air some grievances and exert some pressure regarding our ongoing global relationship.
Cue some rapid downloading of brownware and a quick return to the office to return with some bigger guns. And new undergarments.
Again, nowhere in the same league, but something that surprised me nevertheless. I was a very junior postdoc in the UK doing some programming on a project in vision science on a new Mac II. I was having trouble manipulating colour tables in the vertical retrace interrupt which didn't seem to behave in the way they were described in 'Inside Macintosh' so I posted a question to the appropriate usenet new group (including my academic affiliation, address and phone number). The next day I received a phone call from someone who said they were with Apple and would like to try and help with my problem. The phone line wasn't great and was getting worse so I offered to call back after about quarter of an hour - they bloke on the other end said not to try unless I could get free international calls as he was calling from Cupertino. I was bowled over. Also we sorted out my problem.
Not anything like that. I once found it impossible to find the reference book for the SPARC instruction set, so in pure frustration I emailed Scott McNealy, pointing out that Intel had all this stuff on their website. He emailed me back and the book arrived by return of post. I don't suppose I would get the same response from good ol' Larry.