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So many remotes to try & control so many devices, none of them talk to any of the others, "universal" remotes that only speak some obscure Aztek pictoglyph language, jabbing at the buttons trying to get any of them to work only to turn it over to check the batteries to find that someone removed them & lost the battery cover, then give up in disgust & decide to go read a book only to be unable to turn on the lights because some dingleberry "upgraded" you to IOT controlled abominations that only work via a proprietory app that won't work on your phone because it only recognizes a single brand, model, & specific serial number as a valid device...

*Hands you a pint*

Drink up, it'll help get through trying to find where the spectacles went we had just a moment ago...

*Wanders off trying to find the glasses perched helpfully atop my head*

I have noticed that dysfunctional remote controls will do that to your puntuation, then you feel dizzy when you pause to draw a much needed breath while the offending remotes(all of them) lie implacably waiting for you next ineffectual tirade.

Laibach looks as though he would have been popular in the 1930s, also why is he wearing the same headgear as the man who used to deliver our coal in the 50s?

Last year I invested in a Logitech Harmony remote control.

I was prompted to do so because I had remotes for Sky, two soundbars, the TV, two Amazon Fire Sticks, and an air conditioner. They kept getting misplaced simply due to how much space they need if you keep them to hand.

Once you know how to set it up, Harmony does work rather well - for me, anyway - at controlling everything else.

Then there is the "Brownian motion" of the remotes when they are in the same place as children.

I've even found one in the bread bin once!

That's not a very sanitary place for storing a child. Won't anyone think of the crumpets?!

Then there is the "Brownian motion" of the remotes

Very few of them can deal with being dunked in a fresh[0] cuppa.

[0] or a stale one, showing that the thermal component of the fluid has very little influence.

Worse. My Sony Bravia wants me to spontaneously combust from a combination of sheer frustration and unvented anger. Switch it on and you expect (maybe) to see a picture of perhaps something or even just anything but no, not with a new Sony Bravia. There is a 'warm up' period of anything between 30 seconds and a minute while the TV boots up its Android OS and then prepares to offer you TV, Netflix, Google TV etc. ad nauseam. Shortly thereafter you can select a channel to watch and shortly after that the TV now informs you that you connected to the internet. Weirdly enough it does not matter if you are connected via ethernet or via wifi: it still takes the same amount of time to tell you that you are connected.

I am pretty sure that this is revenge for the unforeseen 'accident' where one of the dogs left a strategically-placed protest mess near the TV as we had been out during their feeding time. We returned to find TV and surrounding area speckled with dog turd since in the meantime the bloody robot vacuum cleaner had been out to do its job.

I can relate. I too own a Sony Bravia "smart" TV. Unfortunately it is as smart as a sack of rocks. It would only record one program at a time to an attached USB drive. It was very iffy at recording anyway, sometimes skipping the program entirely then showing it would record it a negative amount of time later. On one occasion all on its own it decided it wanted to record a ten hour long program in the year 2173. Most annoying of all, the integrated TV guide (called something like MyGuide ?) would only work if I disabled the feature to record programs. I gave up on the "smarts" and bought a Humax box, using the Sony Bravia as a dumb screen now.

Unfortunately, the TV on/off button on the Humax remote has now stopped working so I bought a so-called replacement remote. Except it doesn't have a button to turn the TV on/off, so now we've got an extra remote but still need the Sony one just to turn the TV on and off. Sigh.

We have two Sony TVs and a Sony DVD player (I know, I know). All bought at the same time, admittedly some time ago. The three remote-controls are similar but incompatible with each other except on inconsistent, random-selection process. Their button-layout is similar but the buttons have different functions.

I daren't buy new sets as old dogs & new tricks etc. and anyway, these devices work.

When we visit our son, who has lived abroad for the past 10 years, they have the scenario described by Dabsy. I'm not completely incompetent but we have never managed to switch on their TV. We have to wait for their 4-year old to return from nursery.

Before ~2000-2005: Turn on TV, brief pause while the flyback gathers its strength and then the crisp Pfff and gentle crackle of a single electrical raindrop landing as the CRT kicks into life and any fluff within 10 metres gently adheres to the screen. If you're fancy then from the late 90s onwards replace this with plasma screen contemplating whether or not it's going to start this time.

~ 2007- 2012: Turn on TV, wait while digital signal is acquired. Find multiplexes need rescanned.

~ 2012 to present. Turn on TV, wait while it boots its OS, connects to the internet and uploads your recent viewing history to Google. Discover iplayer no longer supported by this device.

Short period, ~ 2005 - 2007. Press power button, LCD comes to life, TV is being watched.

One of my biggest problems with my Sony Bravia is that it obviously hasn't got enough grunt to run Android as the general input lag is horrendous and pretty much makes doing anything a complete exercise in frustration.

But that's nothing compared to a recent problem. I have Sony TV using ARC to talk to Sony Amp (sorry long term historical fanboi) and Sky box attached to the amp. I'd noticed that every now and again the sound field on the amp would keep switching from Neural X/Dolby/whatever to stereo which was really annoying as I had to change it back. Then the other week I got Sky Q and then even going into the Sky menu would change the sound.

Turns out that the the signal was going from Sky to the amp and then to the TV, which in its infinite wisdom was then making some strange decision to tell the amp to change the sound field (and not even to something useful). In the end the fix was to update the firmware on the TV (it had been a while since I checked) which gave me a completely new and more slow/useless front end, but crucially there was a setting to force the TV's sound field which then translated to something more suitable on the amp. Job done.

I feel your pain. I have just bought a LEOWE TV, the sound is awful - I’m wrestling with an HDMI ARC to analogue audio converter to get sound into a pair of (expensive) 20+ year old B&O active speakers. Apple TV is on another HDMI port. Nothing worked; but after resetting the TV back to factory settings, the sound now works, but the picture breaks up if I use the TV remote to change the volume of a movie from the Apple. So far the only fix is to turn the TV on with its own remote, then put that out of reach, so I only use the Apple remote, which is set to control the TV sound volume; but at least the sound is listenable now…

My mother used to say in the shop "Do you have something with one button? Just one on/off switch?"

Many, many moons ago I did not understand the sentiment and was almost embarrassed. Now, I am proud of her asking and sticking to the simple truth.

And now, today, does this technology of buttons, devices and impossible combinations actually make us happy? I guess that a simple working on/off switch would be a significant improvement.

My grandparents had a TV with a remote control that had two buttons. One was for power, and the other was to cycle through the 3 or 4 channels!

Actually, our smart TV does literally does have only one button! Quick press to bring up menu. More quick presses to scroll through menu items, long press to select.

Samsung do a nice sideline in remote controls now, because when you buy a TV you get [1]this useless pile of shite on the right instead of the remote control on the left which almost everyone wants and ends up buying separately.

I stress I don't buy Samsung as it's verboten under our roof, but my father-in-law got one and just couldn't use it.

[1] https://eu.community.samsung.com/t5/image/serverpage/image-id/129410iC2B593146465F4C5

You can get something very close to that. It's the SeKi remote control.

I got one for my elderly dad, who still hasn't realised that pressing every button on the remote in a random order doesn't achieve what you expect it to - especially if you do it when you pick it up.

The SeKi has six buttons, which you program yourself. It copies the signal from the native remote and stores them for itself. I just programmed them all for 'TURN TV OFF', so it didn't matter what he pressed.

I've only got two - stuck together back-to-back with velcro and sitting on the arm of the chair.

...I have a remote for my ancient (well, bought more than 10 years ago) non-smart TV. I also have a remote for the DVD player that's attached to it. And my audio system is a proper hi-fi (separates) bought in the early 1980s, long before all this remote control malarky took hold.

The only other thing in the house that's got a remote that ever gets used is my toy dalek!

Philips no longer make the remote for our TV which works OK it isn't smart but VMs set top box serves watch again and streaming services. Can switch on and change volume from Virgin Remote but it some times changes channel spontaneously.

Tried a China made one from e-bay but so flimsy it disintegrated before arrival - got my money back.

Will try from Amazon maybe better luck next times.

It wouldn't be so bad it you could actually do something like walk up to the TV, press a simple on off button, press a channel (or AV selector) and possibly even a volume control... without having to have the contortionist skills of a snake and the ability to sense which button is which of a super hero stopping an explosive with the time at 1 second to Kaboom!

but no.. any buttons that may exist must be so minute that you need a sodding microscope to see them, and text to indicate what they are for... don't be ridiculous, there's no pint in that because they will be so far around the back that any attempt to see them will involve removing said TV and turning it to the wall.

And if you do turn it off and then back on again.. it will then reset not to the source you had previously but whichever sodding device it happened to see first.

Back in the day there was proper voice controlled TV....

"OY you {child closest to TV} turn the sound up" or "OY you {child closest to TV} turn it to BBC1"..

( I was that child)..

There are no f****n buttons any more, just those "capacitive" "soft" buttons - whatever that means. If they had a little dimple, or a raised oblong indicating where that "button" was located it would help. A lot.

So, my next project: build a "remote control translator" out of an IR diode and an arduino (or whatever, an ESP, don't know what's in my parts bin). Then I can actually control everything from my amplifier's remote, which (despite being > 2 decades old) might have a sufficient number of buttons for that. Thoug to be honest, I use my amp and CD player etc. by pushing real, physical buttons on the devices.

On a second thought: let's not do this. It's a silly place.

> my next project: build a "remote control translator" out of an IR diode and an arduino

Hah!

I did exactly this. I have a Yamaha soundbar attached to the Samsung TV with optical cable. No integration of control codes over HDMI (CEC?). Lived with two remotes for some time until I hit upon the idea of using one of the unused A B C D buttons on the Samsung remote to operate the soundbar power, and translating the Samsung Volume + and - codes into codes the Yammy soundbar would understand. Arduino, IR photodiode sensor, IR emitter diode + a couple of resistors. Put it all in an old video camera battery charger enclosure so it actually looks like something a toddler didn't make.

It took a couple of weeks of fiddling with hardware & code but it's been working flawlessly now for years. Sure, I probably could have bought a universal remote but I learned a lot and that's worth something to me.

You wanted to switch the TV on with the power button on the remote control? Are you quite mad!? Every TV manufacturer knows that you switch the TV on by pressing channel button up or down. Or volume up or down. The on/off button is purely for switching it off. Well, into standby.

I've never worked out the logic in that arrangement, but it seems very common

I grope blindly behind the fascia edges hoping to locate an elusive power button

...Every time you try and operate these weird black controls that are labelled in black on a black background, a little black light lights up in black to let you know you’ve done it

RIP Douglas. He didn't mention the 'hidden away round the corner bit'

I got tired of all that BS, plus "programs" that were 35 minutes of show and 25 minutes of ads. Tell me, why am I paying for ads, again?

Now I youtube-dl everything I find interesting and eventually watch the stack of files when I get time, with a video application that actually features working pause and forward/reverse buttons.

My stupid 4K monitor has gotten in on the bullshit by mounting the controls on the back, but it does do a cool trick of popping up a representation of the controls on the front when you touch them, so you can blindly reach back and actually do something useful and directed. I'm sure the engineer got fired for doing something so innovative and nice.

For the guy with a "TV so old Philips no longer make the remote" how about a Sears-badged Sony Trinitron from 1986 that only finally failed in 2018? It had a row of buttons on the original remote that nothing else ever heard of.

ditto my 1440p iiyama, lovely screen, but has a stupid joystick control on the back with a ludricrously short time out, which can't be altered. Just give me 4 ot 5 buttons on the back and allow me to change the timeout

I bought a SiliconDust HDHomeRun [1] Connect TV head and record shows onto a computer - It supports the "comskip” video commercial detector. Our SOP is to record a few programs, let comskip run for each recording, then play them back later. Most 60 min programs (after the ads are removed) now run for 45mins.

[1] https://www.silicondust.com/hdhomerun/

We recently bought our first Smart TV that has a remote. I found a remote control app which I downloaded onto my phone and my wife's phone. We also have a Nintendo Wii U which also has a TV remote app built in.

So despite having "four" remotes for one TV, I can guarantee that at least once a day, my Missus will go "Where's the remote? What you done with it?" while the TV remote is right next to her on the sofa.

My Xiaomi Redmi Note 8 have a built-in IR eye and an IR app which you can program to work with your telly/hifi/aircon as long as it is on a list of recognized devices.

Helps a lot to cut out controls.

Used it only a couple of times to play merry hell with the boardroom aircon, people was not amused at getting hot, then cold, then hot during a long and boring self-important presentation...

Have you ever tried using it to turn the telly off in the pub?

They are also brilliant for hotel TVs that you can't switch to other inputs with the in-room entertainment system remote.

Ouch! I think there are support groups for people like you... Hi my name is Dabsy, and I horde remotes. One step for each remote!

I gnash my teeth at only three remotes, that live nicely in a row on the TV stand. TV, Receiver, and Apple TV. There are no remotes in any other part of the house either!

What was ever the point about a CD drawer operated from the remote control? I've lost count of the number of CDs I've ruined by trying to throw them across the room into the drawer. And even people who are deft enough to be able to do this will have to get up and take the old disk out.

And while I'm ranting, what are "special characters"? They may be special to you mate, but they're just non-alphanumerics to me. My special characters, for which I have an undying regard, are "s", "p", "e", "c", "i", "a" and "l".

Their cover of The Final Countdown is a thing of strange beauty. Especially if you first encounter it in a gothically-vamped-up function room in a pub in York, which you get to by passing by the skeleton sat at the bar #trufax

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-E72v6G9JHY&ab_channel=Mute

Remote control-wise, I've long been fairly happy with my Logitech Harmony 650 remote. Y'know, the hardware that they've just discontinued.

Admittedly, I think I bought it about 15 years ago, and they're theoretically keeping the software side of things running, but still.

The only real problems have been that it's a faff reprogramming it, since you have to have an account on Logitech's system (which entailed remembered what email and password I'd been using 15 years ago), and the top-right programmable button needs to be well and truly mashed, even after several cycles of dismantling the remote to clean the contacts with nail polish remover.

At some point, I'll have to dig out a USB 2.0 cable and plug it into a laptop so I can remap "power-on" to a different button, but see the point about the reprogramming faff... ;)

It's a bit of a shame that mobile phone manufacturers decided to drop I/R ports from their phones - I think the last handset I had which could be used as a remote was the LG G4. Oh, the fun we had in pubs, once we'd spotted who the television manufacturer was...

I just use firefox lockwise, not perfect but works well enough, just wish it had the option to securely transfer a password to another lockwise account - i.e. create a list of contacts by mutual "click here to confirm" type prompts, then "Send username and password to xxxxx"

I’ve got 5 remotes within reach of me.

1 tv, 1 Blu-ray (although they can control each other’s devices as they are both panasonic), humax box, speakers and Apple TV.

Now if you turn on the Apple box the tv will start (but probably not change to the correct source)

The tv and blu ray will control each other to a point

The humax well it works reliably when there isn’t a y in the day of the week.

Although the silliest remote I remember seeing had separate buttons to turn it on and off - why.

But they do have a habit of disappearing especially the Apple TV as it so small it slips between cushions…

I highly recommend a Tado° for your A/C Mr Dabbs. That remote can then be binned.

And a Xiaomi mobile for everything else.

I would find a TV-be-gone enough for me: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TV-B-Gone

Tado and Xiaomi ... these are all for smart home systems. They won't work here. My home is thick as pigshit.

LOL

The Xiaomi phone can be as smart or thick as you like. Once the remote app is configured, for all you swinger-bowl remotes, it doesn't even need to be connected to t'internet.

Just make sure you get one with an IR port. (I think only the RedMi 6 didn't have one.)

"but remote controls are certainly not as asymmetric as they used to be."

Mine are, which is part of the problem.

Sky Q, for example, has a remote unit that is specifically designed to be able to slide off even a perfectly flat surface unless you place it face down. And it is also specifically designed to have buttons that are so sensitive that placing it face down is likely to trigger at least one of them.

TV DVD PS3 AMP MD a few PVRs, a Scart switcher

Now down to 2

TV & PVR

Amp - started setting amp off, batteries out

MD - on top of MD player

DVD - batteries flat put it somewhere

PVRs - 1 killed by shit firmware, 1 free PVR killed by server shutting

Scart Switcher - when you realise that remaining Scart devices are < number of Scarts on TV, courtesy of crap PVRs

Rule of PVRs

ONLY BUY HUMAX!

I moved house a while back (don't try this during lockdown, it's not fun) and as a result ended up having to buy some new pieces of furniture, which included a new TV unit as in my flat it was in a corner and it's now against a wall. The new unit came with an LED light package which clips on to the glass shelves at either end so you can make them look like one big light bar. So now even my TV unit has a remote! And not only that, the remote for my YouView box turns it on and changes the lighting sequence on it, often at the expense of changing the channel like it was supposed to.

...for this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djGap7oLgvE

Whilst it takes a bit of effort to get the activities right I do like the harmony remote control. Still have the problem of my Echo spot trying to take control of the Marantz amp whenever Alexa feels like it but that can be solved with a few buttons and a stern "alexa go home" command.

Harmony remotes - path to domestic bliss.

The setup is simple. You go into the software, tell it what devices you have, it downloads all the commands from its database onto your remote. No pointing remotes at each other.

Then you tell it what bits you want on for what activity. For example, if I want to watch a DVD, I want the dvd as a player, the amp for the noise, and the tv as the monitor. Tell it what inputs stuff needs to be on. It downloads that, then you just point it at the stack of gear, press the "DVD" button and all the right things come on, with the sound controlled by the volume buttons, play/FF/etc control the DVD, and so on.

Mrs Fink swears that this is the single best tech purchase I've ever been allowed to make. I've got it set up with numpty names like "Watch TV" "Listen to Radio" "Watch a DVD" etc. I even have a button which starts up the firestick, tv, and amp, so she can get to her online exercise classes with a single button-press. She loves it, and therefore I am a happy Fink.

Yes sometimes it's slightly trickier if your remote has some weird button (eg Pansonic's "Opt+" - wtf?) which you need to assign to a button or bit of screen or summat. It's not hard. On the other hand, you can add extra commands to do fine-tuning stuff like getting the DVD player to open the tray as part of the start-up process (still makes me smile every time), set tv stations etc.

Downsides:

1. £££

2. Logitech are about to stop making them. I'm hoping they'll just migrate the functionality onto an app instead. Or indeed keep making them.

My bugbear is companies that use the same codes. Philips codes for example are used on my Marantz CD player and Arcam amplifier. The CD player has an adjustable volume control and the amplifier's remote will activate it. So if I want the music a little louder or quieter using either remote gives me a double strength change.

For a universal remote I bought one of those new-fangled internet connected IR blasters. For only £10 and a little time and effort I can now turn on my bedside DAB radio from anywhere in the world.

We keep our living-room remote control handsets in a bowl.

As I read that sentence, the thought that came to my mind was, Swingers

my gf has a "sound bar" that absoluelty cant be operated without the flimsy remote.

I'd warn you about the brand but i forget it ...

Solution - bin all of that stuff and replace with laptop kept behind the tv