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  ARM Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life (Terry Pratchett, Jingo)

Be careful, 007. It’s just had a new coat of paint: Today is D-day for would-be Qs to apply to MI6

(2021/05/26)


Like ticket inspectors on a London bus, people who work for MI6 could be anyone, and are #secretlyjustlikeyou. We see no reason why our readers shouldn’t put themselves up for the job (just remember to tip us off securely [1]here when you’re tasked with making Vista work “just one more year” on a dusty PC behind a red door at SIS HQ.)

Applicants need to be a senior bod, with a track record of delivering “digital transformation”, but what does this mean to the Secret Intelligence Service, we wonder. Do they want you to fire people, switch databases or connect all of 007's fountain pens to the interwebs to make them not-so-smart IoT gadgets? Also, let's not forget, per the [2]job spec : you must be ready to build collaborative relationships with “senior stakeholders across private and public sectors.” That’s not just a tech job, that’s not just research: that means rubbing shoulders with some of the most horrible people in the UK.

[3]How innocent people 'of no security interest' are mere keystrokes away in UK's spy databases

[4]INSIDE GCHQ: Welcome to Cheltenham's cottage industry

[5]Inside the real-world Double-O section of Her Majesty's Secret Service

Your boss? Well, Richard Moore will be your “C”. Expect to see a few [6]smiley face winky-emojis when you receive that self-destructing note delivered via paper airplane from a worker atop the BT building.

The successful candidate will not be "publicly avowed" - so you will have to think up a cover story for your friends. Practise it in front of the mirror: “I’m a completely normal person; I work in forensic accounting.” Human Resources is a good choice because nobody knows what they do and nobody dares ask.

We’ve put together a poll about best and worst parts of the job, but feel free to weigh in with a comment below if you can’t find an option that suits you. Good luck with your [7]applications . ®

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[1] https://www.theregister.com/Profile/contact/

[2] https://www.exec-appointments.com/job/1599596/director-general-q/

[3] https://www.theregister.com/2016/04/21/bulk_personal_datasets/

[4] https://www.theregister.com/2013/05/24/geeks_guide_gchq/

[5] https://www.theregister.com/2012/10/05/james_bond_007_career_path/

[6] https://twitter.com/ChiefMI6/status/1393858967395348481?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

[7] https://www.exec-appointments.com/job/1599596/director-general-q/

[8] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/bootnotes&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=2&c=2YK5wnLpKBuEad@4Ymqgz2AAAAIU&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D2%26raptor%3Dcondor%26pos%3Dtop%26test%3D0

[9] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/bootnotes&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=4&c=44YK5wnLpKBuEad@4Ymqgz2AAAAIU&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D4%26raptor%3Dfalcon%26pos%3Dmid%26test%3D0

[10] https://whitepapers.theregister.com/

Chris G

I must confess that 'Harnessing Amanda Holdem' made me pause for a moment.

Working for the intelligence services is akin to Hotel California.

Dr. G. Freeman

Thought Q was short for Quartermaster ?

As in find stuff, make stuff and give (grudgingly) out stuff, a job I'd be perfect for as a bodger, tinkerer, and miserable git who hates sharing things.

From the job description sound more like the computer hacker Alan Cumming in Goldeneye's PHB.

Androgynous Cupboard

Did you not see Spectre? A large part of the job involves writing complex animations and unfathomable user interfaces on an unfeasibly large screen when you're trying to break a password.

(One day, just one day, I would like to see this represented by making every screen in the room go black and the words "please wait" in the middle of the screen, as all the computer fans kick in and the room temperature goes up 5°. Now that I could buy)

not.known@this.address

They could tell you, but then they would have to "terminate you with extreme prejudice" as they used to say.

Mine's the one with "The Bluffers Guide to Espionage" in the lining...

sanmigueelbeer

that means rubbing shoulders with some of the most horrible people in the UK

No, it means bending-over-backwards and getting royally "rooted" by the powers-that-be.

Cover

disgruntled yank

In the early 1950s, my father said, CIA employees were easily spotted among one's acquaintances in Washington, DC. Asked what they did, they would get a slightly embarrassed look and say that they worked "for the government."

Re: Cover

sandman

Unlike their Secret Service guys. They have business cards, which calls into question exactly how the "Secret" bit works. (I spent a happy afternoon drinking with one of Clinton's guards in a Washington bar).

Re: Cover

Binraider

Sounds rather like the Civil Servants in Cheltenham?

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