News: 1601040670

Just enter your 20digit UK issued exportor ID where it says exporter (except where you need to enter your different 20digit EU issued ID) and the 18digit tarrif code for each item in the load in the single box provided and the government will write to you with 28days with an error message

That's so last century ... they'll send you a shonky[*] QR code instead, they seem to be all the rage ATM.

But hey, the flag shaggers will be happy - they've taken back control, after all.

[*] - [1]see here ( https://www.revk.uk/2020/09/how-not-to-qr-nhs-c19-app.html )

[1] https://www.revk.uk/2020/09/how-not-to-qr-nhs-c19-app.html

> how not to

Thanks for that link. I'd seen the QR examples on the news and my first thought was why on Earth are they so big?

And now I know, although perhaps I wish I didn't. :-(

" they've taken back control, after all."

Taken back control of what exactly?

This particular item looks as though the control is to produce a throttling of trade, what is the point of preventing trucks entering Kent when what is really needed is a method to get them all on their way faster.Preventing them from getting to where they need to be will screw up trade and if they are not delivering goods to Europe or bringing goods back in will lead either to shortages or people looking elsewhere.

At virtually every step, regardless of whether or not it is related to Brexit, the UK government (left, right or centre) seems to concentrate on poorly thought out mitigations to problems that they should not have caused in the first place.

'Now the customs have to check trucks leaving and entering the UK, what do we do?'

Nothing to improve the functionality of the customs that would cost money and involve critical thinking, no just throw a dysfunctional online form filling exercise at everyone and claim it as a solution.

Ah, it sounds like it's an SAP implementation then...

They might be officially KAPs, but I bet they end up referred to as Kermits. Although that set of Muppets would probably have it working on time.

Kermits. Very good. Have an upvote.

On the plus side at least this grandiose idea hasn't got the words "world - beating" anywhere near it. Perhaps that particular penny has dropped at last... hopefully for ever.

Upvote, but I bet there are several adjectives added that can't be said on the evening news.

They've been referred to as kermits here in RoK (Republic of Kent) and elsewhere since the announcement was made

We have semi-organised facilities for queuing traffic inside Kent. Do we now need similar facilities just outside Kent for lorries to use until they have permission to join the queues inside Kent?

Exactly my first thought:

there won't be queues in Kent, but there'll be queue's to get in, with a bunch of drivers setting off on the basis their HQ will have sorted the permit by the time they get there, only for it all to fail because Matt Hancock was brought in as a Digital-Things-Consultant and advised them they could save a fortune by running the whole thing on a couple of secondhand Raspberry Pi Model B's he had in his schoolba.... briefcase.

Generally, the Govt isn't great at getting software right even when they've taken years over it. There's no way this shower of incompetents is going to get it right by April, much less months before (when it's actually needed)

There's no way this shower of incompetents is going to get it right by April

I'd say the first of that month will be their day, already appropriately named.

Yeah. All they've done is moved the EU border into Essex. That'll go down well.

> Yeah. All they've done is moved the EU border into Essex. That'll go down well.

But it's not in the middle of the Irish Sea and that's all that matters. (Apparently) :-)

Don't forget the facilities at the bottom of the M1 to get onto the M25 to get to the queue to get into Kent.

Next up: Watford Gap.

Why don't they give clearance BEFORE the lorry leaves its depot? That is akin to how flights are programmed.

How long do you think it will take before the depots are blocked by lorries not leaving?

Oh fuck. This is not going well.

Ok, let's try it the other way. Let's deport all the Brexiters, we could dump them in Syria to widen their horizons. Then, with them out of the way, we could rejoin the EU and join Schengen and get our country back.

It can only get better because we will have removed the old, retired (ie deadweight) racist Brexiters.

What's not to like?

"Surrey to introduce new permit scheme to avoid queues at Kent border"

https://newsthump.com/2020/09/24/surrey-to-introduce-new-permit-scheme-to-avoid-queues-at-kent-border/

I had not heard of Newsthump, and read not only this article but the Blitz Hoax one, and laughed myself silly.

Isn't that particular car park called the M25?

That's the ideal solution from the government's point of view..

Use the M25 for the queues - one clockwise, and the other counter clockwise. Lorries are filtered off the queues at random to head for Dover.

No lorry park as the lorries are all moving.

That's what the rest of the M.25 was built for. Get with the programme. There is space there for a few million trucks.

We'll need it (and the french will need to use the whole of the A26) while an army of Civil Servants manually. type out all import and export forms. Average wait? 10 weeks. That should make the EU really pissed off so that they'll start a trade war with us. Zero imports from the UK and zero exports.

We are well and truly FSCK'd

We have semi-organised facilities for queuing traffic inside Kent. Do we now need similar facilities just outside Kent for lorries to use until they have permission to join the queues inside Kent?

Yes, but you will need a Surrey Access Permit to get to them. Surrey roads can't cope with thousands of lorries lacking the correct documentation for entry into Kent.

What about lorry drivers taking goods to destinations within Kent? The proposed Kent border control system doesn't appear to be geared up for that.

What about deliveries between Essex and Sussex? The most obvious route is the M25, which goes through Kent between the Dartford Crossing and Clacket Lane Service Station.

Also, having border checkpoints on the M25 is going to mess up traffic in the whole of the South East of England.

I was wondering about that - and how queues at the county borders will be better than a queue at the port. Someone has already suggested a new name for the Kent Permit - but it gives the Muppets a bad name. Even Gonzo had more forethought that the current load supposedly in charge.

My understanding from some other news articles is that there isn't going to be a checkpoint at the Kent border, it's going to be more like the congestion charge system, there will be ANPR camera's etc, and if a lorry recorded crossing into Kent turns up at the national border without said kermit, they will be kindly told to fuck off (probably with a fine).

Lorries that enter Kent but do not end up at the national border crossing will be fine.

Or so I've heard. With Mr. U-turn at the helm, who knows what the fuck they'll end up doing.

Yes, it only makes sense if there's a penalty issued at the border or very near to it. Otherwise who knows which lorries are going to Kent, and which to France?

Of course there will still be a queue to get to the border, and quite possibly a queue to get to the Kermit checkpoint. So companies will be tempted to send the lorry off anyway, and then apply for the Kermit while the lorry is travelling to Kent.

Unless HM Gov is going to have a list of lorry number plates that are deemed "international transport"?

What about exporters in Kent?

Are they exempt from the 'entering Kent' permit

Are they unable to get a permit and so banned from exporting?

Do they have to get a permit, drive out of Kent to queue up to get back into Kent to join the queue for Dover?

It could lead to more violence from the KLF (Kent Liberation Front), who last [1]fired a machine gun in London in 1992 .

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_KLF#BRIT_Awards_and_retirement_from_the_music_business

Unless HM Gov is going to have a list of lorry number plates that are deemed "international transport"?

Not exactly a list but a nice set: Lorries with non-UK number plates driving through Kent to the border.

And when those 7000 trucks do all have their KAP and are allowed into Kent, somehow miraculously the queue doesn't appear?

Granted KAP might speed up the customs checks a bit, but 7000 delayed even slightly has a huge knock on effect.

Let alone the other lorries who haven't quite got their Kemits yet, hiding away anywhere they can find until the notification comes through...

See title.

Which year?

The year it becomes obvious what a balls-up the whole idea was and we start negotiating to get back in - which undoubtedly will be the end of the £.

England can forget getting back in, Scotland and Northern Ireland may have a chance but Ukrain and Turkey will be admitted before England.

Look if there are issues with queues post Brexit, we'll just invade France (never much of much of a problem) and turn Normandy in to a lorry park to avoid snarling up the M20.

"we'll just invade France (never much of much of a problem)"

We spent [1]a hundred years trying and ultimately ended up with less than we'd started with.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hundred_Years%27_War

This all sounds excellent. Well done Boris, Michael and Dominic for steering us so well towards freedom and prosperity. I'll be out of here before the end of the year, but you all carry on and enjoy this masterpiece of planning and excellent showcasing of British technological prowess and ingenuity.

Errrr.... you forgot the instigator of it all.

Nigel (are you buying?) Farage.

He's been very quiet recently. One has to ask if he's alreadty done a bunk to foreign shores. Probably.

England... sinking by the pound.

Should have started it around 2010.

Otherwise it is rushed.

Permanent, that is.

"A Cabinet Office official told Bloomberg that beta is a standard labelling practice for a digital service that is fully operational. Experienced IT professionals may contest this definition."

I like how the author slid this in...

I love it. I have not told a lie, I have merely used standard labelling practice

Windows 10 is still in Beta isn't it?

{ducks to avoid incoming)

No, 2004 is still only in Alpha ;)

Kent Access Permits. Kermits for short. Or UKIPs. Universal Kent Ingress Permits.

The queues, will, in fact be self-limiting.

Possibly an initial spike in queue length, but then lorries will be forced to charge a LOT more for cross-channel work to account for the time spent queuing. At which point demand for cross-channel deliveries will reduce, and queues will reduce.

Until some dynamic equilibrium results where only high-value high-density goods, that can justify high transport costs, are left in the short queues.

There won't be much (relatively cheap) perishable food crossing the channel next year.