I got 99 problems, and all of them are your fault
- Reference: 1596784506
- News link: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2020/08/07/on_call/
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Today's tale of user-generated woe comes from a reader we shall call "Luuk", for that is not his name.
Luuk spent the early portion of the 2000s working as an IT support engineer for one of the Big Four accountancy firms, and was based in the delightful city of Amsterdam.
One the day in question he received a helpdesk call: "User reports the floppy disk sticks into the drive."
Dodging the usual hallway ambushes with which those that Know A Bit About IT are so frequently cursed ("Hey Luuk, now I see you, could you by any chance… [insert IT issue]"), Luuk dutifully pitched up at the desk of the stricken user and her jammed diskette.
Unsurprisingly, the user had attempted to brute-force the removal of the three-and-a-half inch floppy from the IBM PS/2 and been rewarded with the plastic casing while the metal slider remain firmly wedged in place.
"Part of my tools," recalled Luuk, "were an old access badge (thin and credit-card size) and tweezers."
With a bit of poking and prodding, Luuk managed to extract the recalcitrant metal plate from the disk drive (remember those, kids?)
"I explained to the user,” he said, “that the disk should only be used once to get the data off it and she should be using a new one."
If this was a sign of how the day was going to go, Luuk was in for an easy ride and beer o’clock would surely soon be beckoning.
Alas, it was not to be. Less than two hours later another ticket from the same user arrived, with a complaint about Luuk rather than a mere request for help this time. Helpfully, the Helpdesk team flung the ticket Luuk's way and, with dismay, he read the text:
"IT (Luuk) was here and broke my keyboard. He removed the disk but now my keyboard is dead."
Serious stuff, but Luuk was unsure how the removal of the metal plate could render a keyboard inoperative. He scurried back to the user and was soon able to diagnose the problem.
The user had pushed her keyboard under the protruding trim of the IBM and managed to wedge several keys down. Result: an inoperative keyboard and (we imagine) some plaintive beeping.
Luuk could have pulled out the keyboard but, mindful of the crossed arms and accusatory glare of the user, simply asked "Do you have a new diskette for me?"
The user handed him one. "I removed the metal plate of the disk," said Luuk, "and pushed that in the diskette station."
"Here, this is what I removed," he told the user, "so according to your ticket the keyboard now should be working."
He stomped away, with cries of "I'll take this up with management!" echoing behind.
Sure enough, the bosses did turn up within the next 10 minutes. The situation was assessed and, after maybe a little too much grinning, it was decided that yes, perhaps the user needed a bit of training with regard to where, and where not, to stick her keyboard.
Ever done a good deed, only to have it thrown back at you by an angry user, or finally snapped after one petulant request too many? Of course you have, and you should share the tale with the understanding vultures of The Register at [2]On Call . ®
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Re: Correlation does not equal cause
Customers: can't live with 'em, aren't allowed to strangle 'em with their own tongues...
Re: Correlation does not equal cause
It's not even a mistake, it's the gold standard in IT : touch something and everything that goes wrong with that something or whatever touches that something is your fault.
Even when you can demonstrate that you had nothing to do with it.
And it's not just with users. I've had IT guys blame me for a bug because I had created code that did something entirely unrelated. But it was on the same system, so it was my fault.
It's just the gold standard.
This is a common problem for electricians
Go to house to add a new socket outlet (or whatever).
Get a call a day later "Since you added that socket in the lounge, all the lights in the kitchen have gone out. You need to come back and fix what you've broken".
Cause - lamp has failed and taken the breaker out on the way.
Re: This is a common problem for electricians
Had that one 20+ years ago.
Parents wanted to replace the overhead light fixture in the dining room, so I did the usual process which I had done many times before - switch off lighting circuit and double check the fixture is definitely unpowered, remove old fixture, attach new light structurally and electrically and add lightbulbs.
Go to consumer unit and flick the breaker back on, only for "pop, no" - the breaker has thrown open again. Try again, same thing (surprise!).
Bugger!
Go and detach new light fitting from ceiling and check wiring - all looks okay, breaker still trips.
Completely detach new fitting and separate and wrap wires, breaker still trips.
"You must have put a mounting screw through a wire in the ceiling!" Cue cutting a 18" square of plasterboard out of the ceiling near the new light fitting so a head will fit and wires can be checked. All fine, no damage can be found. Breaker still trips.
Parents call actual (friendly) electrician as it's starting to get dark and no lights available downstairs.
Sparky comes and has a quick inspect of wires through gaping ceiling hole - all good. He goes and tries the breaker which still trips, but at which point I hear the fizz and see a spark in the light fitting over my head, standing in the hallway. Sparky dismantles the hall light (fitted by the house builders) to find a loose connection is shorting to the metal edge of that fitting. Wiring has no obvious connection between two lights so it looks like total coincidence in timing.
Sparky reattaches the light fittings checks it all works and leaves with appropriate payment. Father now has the joy of replacing the patch in the ceiling and making it good, whilst mother looks on with frustration.
Re: This is a common problem for electricians
However...
Whoever installed the new light actually fixed a wiring problem (broken earth circuit).
Rudest, Dumbest - same thing no?
I once had the misfortune of supporting the library of a medical school, at a time when PCs, email and the internet were all new.
The 2 i/c of the library was known for being the rudest of the staff. She also turned out to be the dumbest.
Example: I got an email one morning, and I kid you not, it simply said "I can't send email. Please fix?"
Rather than visit I rang her, and pointed out that she had just sent email. This she denied. So after a lot of to-and-fro I simply ignored her. Naturally she complained. To the Dean. Who arrived in my office yelling that I should work harder and fix her problem and what did I get paid for anyway.
Upshot: I showed him her email, he called her a very rude name, and he took me for what turned out to be very liquid lunch.
Re: Rudest, Dumbest - same thing no?
I love a story with a happy ending :)
Re: Rudest, Dumbest - same thing no?
I too have had the "I can't send email" email. I responded with a simple "it looks fine to me" and hit send. Never heard back from them on the issue.
Re: Rudest, Dumbest - same thing no?
My favourite variation on that one was when one of the drones on the helldesk I had the misfortune of managing sent an email to a user to let them know he'd fixed their email.
Re: Rudest, Dumbest - same thing no?
I used to do that
send an email saying "Your email is now fixed"
than went and fixed their email
The ``you're email is now fixed'' would automagically appear to indicate the email was indeed fixed
(and if it didn't I hadn't fixed it properly)
Side benefit.
This worked even better if what I was fixing was something like a sendmail.cf , which when fixed meant I could go and have a coffee while the user would get the email saying things were fine again :)
Re: Rudest, Dumbest - same thing no?
P&T in Luxembourg once sent me an email to tell me my phone line had been cut off. Which it had - a fortnight before they deactivated the email service.
Re: Rudest, Dumbest - same thing no?
I had a stand up fight with the Service Desk Manager whilst trying to manage an email outage as he was sending out the Major Incident updates to managers and users by email!
His response was 'thats what the process says'
I was Tech Support Manager and our phones were ringing off the hook as several thousand users were trying to find out what was going on.
Irritatingly we did have an alternative approach using a telephone tree to contact all departments, it just wasn't in the process so he wasn't going to do it.
It actually ended up with me dragging him to the IT Director to be instructed to start making calls
Re: Rudest, Dumbest - same thing no?
My favourite variation on that one was when one of the drones on the helldesk I had the misfortune of managing sent an email to a user to let them know he'd fixed their email.
It could be worse - they could have been sending it to inform everyone that the mail system was down...
Re: Rudest, Dumbest - same thing no?
Seen similar things here.
User logs call that their PC isn't working and gives them their mobile number. Helldesk try a couple of things then send call to remote support.
Remote support tries to call user on landline (but they have VOIP client on PC). Strike 1.
Then they try to contact via IM - user showing as offline. So they email user asking them to contact them (don't have company smart phone so can't see email either). Strike 2.
Call put on hold for a day then they try to phone again on landline - for some reason they still don't answer. Strike 3.
Call closed as unable to contact user.
Have also seen users on nightshifts raise calls and say what shift they are on, but helldesk (24/7) only call during office hours to get more info on call. 3 strikes and call closed.
Re: Rudest, Dumbest - same thing no?
hahaha that's how to run a helpdesk!
It sometimes works the other way
Many years ago (>30) I was working for a large oil company. My role was to coordinate inspection of material heading offshore and, since operations ran 24/7, I was on call 24/7 to arrange inspections, respond to queries (or even go to inspect if nobody else was available). This was in the days before mobile phones, so I had a pager and would regularly be seeking out a public phone to call in when it beeped (we hadn't even got to the tech of message pagers - just a beep to tell me to call in). We used a form of email within the organisation (an RS232 serial network around the offices) that, for me, allowed direct use of the telex service (and most suppliers were required to have a telex service). I also had dial-in access from home, though only used when necessary.
One Saturday morning, dial-in was necessary to read a message regarding an urgent offshore shipment, but access failed. Are several attempts (and resets of my PC/modem) I phoned to speak to the IT desk. "We've changed the dial-in protocol" was the response, followed by "We did it yesterday and sent a message to your inbox. You'll get the new protocol there." It took a few minutes for him to appreciate that a message in my inbox was of little help when my problem was the lack of access to said inbox. It turned out (when he read the message to me) that it was a simple change to the model initiation string - it was a long time ago and, whilst the event is imprinted in my memory, the fine print is getting a bit blurry :-)
Re: It sometimes works the other way
A frequent variant of this is trying to communicate with a company whose online "Contact us" is a very limited number of FAQs with no message link, an online chat service which is currently or invariably offline and phone. On phoning before even dropping the customers into an ACD system as limited as the FAQs, they're played a long recording to the effect that they could get in touch via the website.
Re: It sometimes works the other way
@Doctor Syntax
That has become the standard for the majority of customer service departments the World over.
I think bean counters have realised the cost of actually serving a customer after a sale and have devised the cheapest way of appearing to care without actually having to do much. Most customers lose the will to live fairly rapidly with these systems and just go and buy a new thing.
Success for consumerism!
Small offices, big binders
One user had a small office, and had to transcribe lots of "minutes" that were hand written notes kept in big binders. The computer types all kinds of weird shit when one is resting on the control key!!
I thought this would be a story of dual 5¼" floppies. Occasionally I had to retrieve one inserted between the two drives.
The PC Filled up
I used to support a Library network. The only PC's allowed to connect were the stupidly expensive one provided by the vendor whilst these were very pretty they were 2 1/2 times more expensive than an IBM PC.
We kept getting calls asking for new boot disks from remote branch library. At it was 40 miles away we just kept sending replacements until eventually we got a call saying the PC was broken. When the engineer attended site he found the PC chassis contained a stack of disks that had been inserted in the gap between the drives. This became such a common problem (libraries tend to have lots of part time staff) We ended up 'modifying' all the beautifully sculpted PC's by sellotaping over the gap
Computer science lecturer
I was _very_ new to my first desktop support role and someone called with a problem. I visited their office in the Computer Science department and he said "The internet isn't working!" I knew that there were no problems so started learning my people diagnostic skills. I asked him what he was trying to access - web, email, gopher (yes, it was that long ago). He persisted that the internet wasn't working. Eventually he pointed at the IE3 icon. Needless to say the University approved browser was Netscape Navigator.
The intervening years mean I have forgotten if I managed to persuade him to use the approved browser. I also wonder if he has migrated to Edge yet.
Re: Computer science lecturer
Internet Explorer 3 is all the browser anyone will ever need! It's right there in the bloody name! You use it to explore the internet. Netscape Navigator was OK in it's day, but Chrome is something that goes on the fins of your car and my Firefox stopped working when Clint Eastwood stole it.
OK, maybe IE5 if you're feeling all modern like...
Ahh yes the
dreaded walk to whatever machine is throwing a hissy fit today.....
And it can take nearly an hour to walk from the office at one end of factory to the problem (and its only 6 units )
Still.... cant beat "Computer doesn't want to send programs to the robots" call
"bet hes using the wrong setup for that robot as usual" comes my thought
Get to the location ... eventually
Well the screen is showing the correct setup(for a change) however the fact that its only hanging onto the laptop body by 1 very bent hinge is a clear hint that something is amiss
Further inspection shows further damage consistant with said laptop being dropped onto the concrete floor... and the cable is inserted in the usb slot... however the usb connector inside is nowhere near the slot... to be honest I'm surprised said laptop is actually working... and yes you guessed it
"I never dropped it.. was like that when I got it..."
Cue dragging the laptop bits to the office , managing to get a USB stick to connect, and downloading the drives data to it.. all done while swearing very loudly, then raising a ticket to replace it... to which the PHB said "well it still works" arrgrgh I need to retire
To the pub
Re: Ahh yes the
You need a bike. Or, at a pinch, a Segway. And a very large drink of course - but that goes without saying.
Re: Ahh yes the
Its 350 yards....
With constant interuptions all the way......
Why dont we have head banging against a wall icon and why are'nt I in the pub yet... stupid working hours
Re: Ahh yes the
"Cue dragging the laptop bits to the office , managing to get a USB stick to connect, and downloading the drives data to it.."
in the olden days i'd just swap the hdd / sdd into a non broken spare and be up and running in no time.
If you have kit that needs to be operational its always wise to have spares as keeping offline spares is cheaper than an expensive machine not working for however long it takes to procure a spare.
We have 4 hour maintenance contracts on key primary kit & next day on secondary. Depending on where the kit is it can take 4 hours to get an engineer there anyway so its as good as having our own cold spares.
Re: Ahh yes the
"And it can take nearly an hour to walk from the office at one end of factory to the problem"
You need one of these:
https://vandijkbikes.nl/product/fabrieksfiets/
Fabrieksfiets = bicycle for use in a factory.
And here's one for the weekend (best not combined with cycling across the factory) -->
I know dumb computer users are funny but it's amazing the amount of places I've worked where the IT support are seen as unhelpful or people are scared of asking for help incase they are looked down on and feel stupid. This creates a vvicious circle of not engaging with IT and therefore people not learning and stupid things still happening.
In that case the end result would be a smug IT support with management and everyone else in the company thinking IT are being awkward, regardless of what they think of the end user.
Far better to have just turned up and explained that the disk removal was not likel yto be the cause of the keyboard issue and it looks like the keyboard has been pushed forward too far and needs to be pulled back. User learns a quick lesson (in keyboard use and humility), thinks a bit more highly of IT support, and the interdepartmental realtionship is slightly improved. After time, people might get to love rather than lathe IT - win for everyone surely?
level 1 skills
To be honest as a manager I would be irritated if a keyboard issue like that required a visit.
I agree to a point, and indeed have on occasion found that by being patient and not drawing attention to their ignorance, initially hostile people became my most emphatic supporters. However there are some who regard anyone who understands something they don't as an existential threat. You will never get anything but hostility from them.
Quite right. It's what users do* that rakes in the money that pays IT salaries.
*Well, some of the users. We all know the ones who are counter-productive.
but wheres the fun in that!!!
Reminds me of my mum
She drops her laptop and is amazed when it stops charging, then is shocked when I tell her because she used it till the battery is dead I am going to have to take it a part to get her data on to her new one. New one arrives, is connected to the wireless and checked as working with her printer etc. Then she gets a new router as she finally upgrades from ADSL to Fibre (saving about £20 a month on her bill in the process) which my sister fits to save me a headache and a day later Mum calls me as she now cant print which she cant remember doing with the new laptop so that must be my fault...
Re: Reminds me of my mum
every summer i'd have to do a 14 hour door to door multi continent trip to fix my parents computers.
obviously i'd stay for a few weeks too.
Re: Reminds me of my mum
I'm perfectly happy to fix Mum's technology for her. I've left a radiator key in her kitchen drawer, so I can bleed the things whenever I'm up there. I change the central heating timer for her - though I think she could do that herself if only she was 6' tall and had a head that could swivel round 90° both vertically and horizontally. Some wanker installed it inside one of the kitchen cupboards, but not at the back where you can see it - no that would be too easy! It's on the side, at the bottom for maximum inaccessiblity.
I can even fix her Mac, after my bastard of a brother gave her his old Macbook Air. I'm sure it's lovely, it's just I don't use them, and so my only experience of them is fixing Mum's when (let's be honest) she's done something to it.
The thing that I find difficult is when I tell her what the problem is and she says, "well it can't be that." To which I don't answer, "well if you know so much why the fuck did you ask me for help?" Or the other one which is asking me for help on a program I've barely ever seen, and as I'm talking her through which buttons to press - she'll suddenly say, "Oh I can't see that button anymore, I clicked on something else." So then I'm reduced to asking what she can see on the screen, so I can work out what bizarre sub menu we've got into now. Then it's hard to keep the exasperation out of my voice.
The only thing that's consistently worked without support, after I set it up, was her Windows Phone. Which had a great UI. Although I've only ever had to do minimal tech support with the iPad. Sadly now she's on Android and I'm starting to get problems to solve again.
Re: Reminds me of my mum
ever tried taking an 82 year old through a SkyQ issue over the phone!? Kill me now
Wibbly
My first IT job out of Uni was being the general IT Guy at a book seller ("Amazon? PAH!" they said...) One of the staff there did desktop publishing on Quark. New version day came along and up rocks me with my selection of CDs and shuffle in the new version, all is well and rosy in the garden. Few hours later I get an irate call from the user saying her monitor (some beast of an Iiyama CRT) has gone all "Wibbly Wobbly" and that its my fault as its the only thing that's changed and that I'm terrible and she's got deadlines and that this is completely unacceptable etc, ad nauseum. Interesting side note here is she phoned me... yet her desk was not 20m from mine, in an open plan office... I digress - I go visit said irate lady, and indeed, her monitor has a proper shimmy on, and the only thing on her computer that had changed was that new version of Quark... the thing that had changed under her desk however was the small fan space heater she'd brought in from home and doing unspeakable things at the Hz rating the monitor was set to. Suggesting her fan was causing the issue did not seem to improve the situation, so I play with the Hz until its stable. As I slink off back to my lair I hear the unmistakable sound of the self righteous "Huh! I TOLD him it was the computer!"
Ever done a good deed, only to have it thrown back at you by an angry user
Every single bloody friend-of-a-friend who I have been roped into fixing some aspect of their computer. So I plug the network cable back in, job done. Two weeks later I'm being slagged off because I broke their DVD writer, or something utterly unrelated. And they expect it fixed. For free. Immediately. And while I'm there...
I've not touched another person's computer in years. I just tell everybody that when I "know something about computers" that means embedded systems and I know nothing about nor do I use Windows/Mac/whatever it is they use. If they push it, I simply recount some of the fun I had debugging an interrupt handler on a 6502. Okay, it was a BBC Micro and it was thirty five years ago, but their eyes glaze over and it makes the point that their concept of "computer" is very different to mine.
I didn't mind doing favours. I do mind when it becomes abusive. I especially mind being slagged off to others because of their own stupidity. So fuck 'em, they can go find a local professional, and good luck finding one that speaks English (I live in France) and/or won't charge "foreigner rates". NMFP.
Re: Ever done a good deed, only to have it thrown back at you by an angry user
This. Doing "favours" for friends and family only leads to regret.
You "fixed" their computer. Therefore ANYTHING that goes wrong in the next 18 months must be because of something YOU did.
Re: Ever done a good deed, only to have it thrown back at you by an angry user
couldn't agree more! And my hourly rate is slightly more than a 4 can pack of cheap larger or 1 bottle of shite wine, for spending 4h of an evening (2 of which is spent waiting for the fecking shite ridden PC to restart) Like you I stopped doing jobs for "friends" years ago, unless they really are good mates!
When working ina school I was yelled at down the phone that a printer wasn't working (urgent, life threatening blah blah usual shite from a teacher). It was a 10min walk across the campus. I got there, was berated again in front of a class of 6yr olds. Went to printer, it was out of paper.
No apology, no acknowledgement of inappropriate attitude for such a basic fuckup.
I was using a dating site a few years back, I was not suprised to see a large proportion of the 'ladies' on the site were divorced teachers. And not with yours would I go near a single teacher.
I know *exactly* where the user should stuff their keyboard.
had quite a few users over the years trying to plug their RJ45 network cable in to the adjacent phone socket
Correlation does not equal cause
It's the standard mistake for the ignorant that just because X was fixing their PC/printer/washing machine/car/drains etc, that the next thing to go wrong whether related in any way or not, is X's fault because they 'did something'.
I bet there isn't an engineer, mechanic or other tradesperson who hasn't at some time been blamed by an idiot for the consequences of their own idiocy.