The Devil's in the details: Church of Satan forced to clarify that no unholy rituals taking place in SoCal forest
- Reference: 1594816204
- News link: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2020/07/15/no_satanic_rituals_san_bernardino_forest/
- Source link:
Which they aren't, according to the US Forest Service.
The Department of Agriculture agency [1]took to Twitter to debunk notices found in the region that warn: "Due to increased Satanic Cult activity in the area, camping is not advised until further notice."
The sign then screams:
SEVERAL PETS HAVE BEEN REPORTEDLY SACRIFICED IN SATANIC RITUALS
SEVERAL MISSING PERSONS REPORTS HAVE BEEN FILED WITH LOCAL AUTHORITIES.
People regularly go missing in US national parks without the need for a nefarious explanation. North America is vast and full of treacherous remote terrain and dangerous animals like bears and mountain lions.
The flyer listed areas affected by the satanic scourge and implores visitors to call 911 "IF SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY IS OBSERVED".
But forest rangers were having none of it. Under a post titled "RUMOR CONTROL", they said: "This sign has been posted around the forest and is spreading on social media. [This] is not an official Forest Service sign, and there is no known threats of this type to visitors. Anyone with information about who is posting this sign should call 909-383-5651."
To which the Church of Satan, the Bible basher-baiting org founded in 1966 by one Anton Szandor LaVey, chimed in:
Satanism forbids harming animals and as an atheistic religion, we don’t believe there is anything to make a sacrifice to. This is the kind of Satanic Panic era nonsense that ruined countless innocent people’s lives, we appreciate your efforts to help debunk it. — The Church Of Satan (@ChurchofSatan) [2]July 12, 2020
Which is a bit of a shame really. Satanic rituals can be fun for all the family. In the pandemic era, it's the perfect excuse to get your kid off the fondleslab to experience the wonders of nature, which, as we know, [3]is Satan's church .
No ghosts but the Holy one as vicar exorcises spooky tour from UK's most haunted village [4]READ MORE
Chanting your invocation of choice around blood-daubed sigils on the forest floor in a beautiful clearing can be easily done while observing social distancing, and a quality oversized robe will catch the majority of any nasties that may happen to splutter out of your grand magus's mouth.
Though we might be getting a bit too "orthodox" here for the Church of Satan, which is irreligious if anything, instead spouting an individualistic philosophy and guidelines for living a bit "satanically".
Folk speculated on the purpose of the hoax, ranging from someone getting overexcited about 2019 Swedish pagan slasher flick [5]Midsommar or wanting to dissuade hikers from stumbling on an illegitimate pot-growing operation.
On the other hand, some people just want to watch the world burn, and you can't get much more "satanic" than that. ®
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[1] https://twitter.com/SanBernardinoNF/status/1281327702247534592
[2] https://twitter.com/ChurchofSatan/status/1282423376418451456?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
[3] https://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/13/movies/13kehr.html
[4] https://www.theregister.com/2019/10/11/prestbury_ghost_tour_cancelled/
[5] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Vnghdsjmd0
[6] https://whitepapers.theregister.com/
Re: Church of Satan?
But you can revere someone, or something, without believing they are a deity.
Don't confuse worship with admiration of an ideal.
To quote Wikipedia:
"LaVey was an atheist, rejecting the existence of all gods. LaVey and his Church do not espouse a belief in Satan as an entity who literally exists, and LaVey did not encourage the worship of Satan as a deity. Instead, the use of Satan as a central figure is intentionally symbolic."
Re: Church of Satan?
I stand corrected by you and WikiPedia. I thought that LaVey initially worshipped Satan as a deity and only much later moved to atheist religion.
Re: Church of Satan?
Oh, he might well have, people do change their stance sometimes, the quote comes from the page on "LaVeyan Satanism", rather than his personal life.
And, who knows, some of the splinter groups that apparently came about might have decided to commit to worship.
The aliens did it
There are surely signs of this being an alien invasion. All those missing people must have been taken against their will in round flying devices with blinkenlights. The animals are, of course, probed by said aliens and probably remotely cooked, mostly and probably inadvertently, by said round flying devices with blinkenlights.
Warning signs for alien invasions should be considered a Good Thing(tm), especially in places where you may encounter aliens without any possibility of having evidence of said aliens after any such encounter.
/s
Chanting your invocation of choice
Gabba-Gabba-Hey - Coo-coo-kachoo - goo goo goo joob
Re: Chanting your invocation of choice
And of course there's the ever popular:
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn
Re: Chanting your invocation of choice
Surely not Satanic at all. Damn these Weakly God Like beings.
Re: Chanting your invocation of choice
Not to mention...
Anal nadrak, Uthas bethad, dochyl dyenvey
Re: Chanting your invocation of choice
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GVZXvBvd-w
Black Widow '70s
Its in California where..........
everything is satanic
It has to be, that's why the film studios went there
Re: Its in California where..........
This can't be an official sign, there's no mention of anything that is known to cause cancer in California...
Satanism
“Satanism ....is atheistic....”
Forgive my ignorance and simplistic analysis but I thought Satan was (essentially) the anti-Christ. As such, doesn’t believing in Satan also imply a belief in God?
Re: Satanism
Church of Satan is not Satanism. The name comes from Christian mythology - God's favourite angel who rebelled against the god's rule. Church of Satan is a collection of atheists disliking rule by a Christian church. They identify with a character in a story without believing the character is real. If you like truth justice and the American Way you could start the Church of Superman without requiring members of your club to believe Superman is real. You can also donate to the [1]Church of Perpetual Exemption without believing John Oliver exists.
[1] https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7y1xJAVZxXg
Oy, less dissing of Mountain Lions, they're lovely...
... check out the videos of the lovely Messi on that Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvph04Sh9CFKAw-gA6y-brQ
Best behaved Mountain Lion in Siberia!
Re: Oy, less dissing of Mountain Lions, they're lovely...
Messi is not exactly what I would call a typical Cougar/Puma.
He's not even what I would call a typical cat. It is fairly obvious that the disease that left his body stunted & somewhat twisted when he was a kitten also affected his brain. He and his humans are very lucky to have run across each other at the exact right time and place.
Long live Messi!
Then there was ...
The dyslexic satanist who, during the Winter solstice ritual ended up selling his soul to Santa
Re: Then there was ...
Santa and Satan are the same being, everybody knows that.
As proof, one is an anagram of the other.
Secondly, Oct 31 and Dec 25 are the same number.
Thirdly, have you ever seen Saint Nick and Old Nick in the same room together?
This makes even more sense when you think about it further ... For example, who would YOU pick as the patron saint for a holiday best known for hedonism, libertinism, decadence and debauchery?
I'll stay with the real deal if you please..
The real deal is of course the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster,
Re: I'll stay with the real deal if you please..
The nice thing about the FSM, unlike all other deities, is that we have actual proof of his existence. You can see the video for yourself [1]here , praise His Noodly Appendage.
[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yREFw0ZZVPk
Not How Satanism Works
There's an actual name for people who worship Satan: Christian heretics. Satan-worshippers are by their natur Christian because they need to acknowledge the existence of the trinity in order to be properly worshipping the opposite on the spectrum.
By definition, heresy is, generally, a doctrine held by a member of a religion at variance with established religious beliefs; more specifically, the veneration and supplication of a/the maleficent deity within a religious framework, while simultaneously acknowledge the deit(y’s)/(ies’) maleficence.
All of that is very vague and generalized, but it is fundamentally correct. Satanists rarely portray themselves as heretics outright from my knowledge and interactions with them.
Church of Satan?
Is that LaVeyan Satanism then? If so then they did revere Satan as a figurehead, which makes their claim, "as an atheistic religion, we don’t believe there is anything to make a sacrifice to" about as serious as the Flat Earth Society's claim that they are indeed a global community.