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'cos when it's scone, it's scone...

..it's the black hoodie, and you never saw me here..

But how do you pronounce "scone" - to rhyme with "shone" or "stone"?

...is a 2Litre bottle of caffeinated soda, a bag of PixieStix, and the taught tummy of a nubile hooker off which to snort them.

But what do I know? I'm just an insane Yank with a t-shirt that reads "I am free of the tyranny of pants!"

What was she (or even her tummy) taught?

(Enquiring minds REALLY want to know.... in detail!)

Paris, obviously

Presumably, the correct way to apply jam and cream to scones. And I am somewhat disappointed, I must say, that I am none the wiser as to the aforesaid nubile hooker's preferences in this matter.

As a hooker, I'm assuming she's not a fan of having her cream in 'pie' form due to the extra risks involved.

What was she (or even her tummy) taught?

This got me thinking of belly dancers for only the 732nd time today.. and whether the motion could be utilised to propel sweet morsels towards a waiting mouth, nestled in a handy chin rest.

(But jam first. And if scone has the consistency of stone, then it rhymes with it and may be shot from a catapult. Also indicates the use of the wrong flour or not enough raising agent.)

If hookers are nubile, how do you describe a prop or fly half?

Brian Moore nubile WTF!

Personally I take the Somerset view - arguing about it is a waste of good eating time.

Due to the rotational symmetry of the scone, the whole discussion of ordering is pointless, unless ordering means to get it delivered asap for immediate consumption. So, yes, stop arguing for one side and get my order delivered so I can eat.

omg, you mean you eat your like a sandwich!? You filthy, filthy beast.

Only purists have the burden of frustration. I just enjoy the result, regardless.

Next we'll be debating the Devon vs Somerset Cider Wars as fought out by yokels over centuries. I'll nail my colours to the mast as Devonian, having married a Somerset lass, and this is still the subject of much debate at home (over a glass or three, of course)....

How do you feel about Sandleford's cider with ginger? After a 20L box, I'm still not sure - I'll just have to get another to see how it works out.

Sounds like an experiment that needs repeating.

Science!

I prefer mine from Suffolk...Aspalls is yummy.

Noting could beat addlestones cider fresh from the pump

Or addlebrains as we engineers called it... ahhh the stories... the bodges.... the outright disasters all caused by an innocent fermented liquid served to a bunch of government employed hammer wielders

"err professor... your device appears to be sinking"

"Its supposed to"

"But we havent opened the valve to flood it yet"

oggle goggle oggle goggle

"Best we ajourn back to the pub for more cider before anyone notices ..."

Try Chucklehead. Dry of course.

Leave the jam out of it. Personally, I consider jam to be a savoury thing that has no place in anything remotely cake-like. *

No, wait – hear me out. Think about it – jam goes in sandwiches , which aren't generally considered a dessert. I like to have apricot jam with bacon and/or sausages. The Americans (bless them) seem to like it with peanut butter. Just because it has sugar in it, that doesn't mean it can be used in a dessert-like context. I believe the acidity of it spoils the taste of a perfectly good sponge cake, messes with the sensations derived from cream (in whatever order), and generally just gets in the way of whatever sweet thing it is that I really want to eat.

In summary: scone first, then cream, then other half of scone.

* Including doughnuts. I'm not with Bob Marley on this one.

Jam with sausages - YUK!

I want mine between a scone and clotted cream.

Being perverse, I do wonder how well a black pudding in a scone would go down.

Of course as a vegetarian, I can't try this for myself, but inquiring minds must know.

Hubert Cumberdale> I like to have apricot jam with bacon and/or sausages

That is just savagery.

Obviously you spread the jam on first - it's easier to spread a thick layer of cream on jam than a thin layer of jam on cream.

And just dumping it all in a pile in the middle doesn't count!

I'm from Devon but I think the Cornish have got it right. As you say, it's easier to put more cream on top of the jam than trying to spread jam on cream.

I still put cream on first though.

Based on my own exhaustive investigations over many years, the correct temperature to enjoy a scone is 'straight from the oven'. However the heat is liable to melt the cream and it's not called "melted cream", right? Thankfully the jam has a high thermal coefficient thanks to it's sugar content and so spreading that on first helps delay the situation where cream is too runny to stay on the scone. I rest my case m'lud.

Butter first then cream then jam, if you're going for the clotted arteries do it proper like.

Jam on one side.

Cream on the other.

Slap them together.

Both are wrong. All good fresh scone needs is butter. If it's not a good fresh scone, feel free to put lipstick on the pig!

I'm very much on your side here. Of course, it has to be proper butter. None of this lo-fat spread stuff!

And the pronunciation has to be with a short 'o' otherwise it's no longer the fastest cake in the world (in the same vein... What's the fastest drink in the world? Milk, because it's pasteurised before you can see it!) Coat, the one with crumbs in the pockets.

Nearly right. Apply butter - so far so good. The jam and then cream. Why is this option not in the survery?

How do I eat mine?

Well, I open me gob and smash it in there. Within 2 seconds of chomping it doesn't really matter *how* it was made!

Nothing tops clotted cream.

Icon just because.

Usually a thick layer of unsalted french butter, then jam, which of course doesn't comply with any approved recipe.

If I do have cream to hand, and usually I don't, then it goes on top of the jam.

Cornish Clotted Cream now.

They do indeed. But I usually don't have it in my fridge.

Usually a thick layer of unsalted french butter

Which is basically cream, solidified.

So cream, jam, cream?

I could get behind that

Scone - plain no dead flies.

Then Jam - strawberry of course

Then Cream - on top MUST be Cornish Clotted Cream.

Cider, any west country should be nice, I tend to get mine from Herefordshire and Cornish producers.

If you're going to add cider to the mix, I'd keep away from cream. Dipping the scone with cream is going to get messy with cream in the cider; and that just won't do.

I definitely prefer a scone with sultanas and even a little dried peel, the cream can go in there any time it likes. I'm in Spain so decent Asturian or Galician cider is OK, unfortunately no clotted cream here in the shops but a friend was a farmer in the UK many years ago and she makes us clotted cream ( not that easy) that looks and tastes as good as I remember.

Herefordshire isn't the West Country. It's more like the Midlands. Or at a push Wales.

Thanks to you lot I am going to have to go and buy some clotted cream now.

You have made me realise I need some proper stuff with a nice crust on the top, and I have some raspberrys I picked this afternoon..... along with a few strawberries.

Right off to the shops

I must say ever since I stopped for a cream tea (Cornish implementation) on a bike ride in the Forest of Dean and was violently sick afterwards after giving it some welly up the hills, I haven't been able to eat one since. This was about ten years ago. So I'll just have the chocolate cake please.

* I know this wasn't the fault of the scone-rhymes-with-stone, but still.

...because she's well known for eating the cream first.

She tends to suck it straight out of the tube. So I'm told...

This how I do mine

Cut a scone in half, on one half I put clotted cream and then jam, and on the other half I put jam and then clotted cream... Why you may ask... because I'm not a fan of putting the top half back on the scone... it just squirts out the sides when you bite into it. My way you get to honour both methods whilst getting twice as much jam and clotted cream.

I'm a frickin genius. :)

If I've been good then I get jam with a thick dollop of clotted cream in the middle.

If I've let things slide a bit (and after 3 months of lockdown who hasn't) I get a thin scraping of cream with a smidge of jam on top.

As for scones, Mary Berry has a foolproof recipe and method that my wife swears by. Same for her yorkshire puds.

Well I'm glad that's cleared that one up. I feel much better now the pronunciation schism which has blighted this fair land for many a year, has been well and truly put to rest once and for all.

If it wasn't supposed to have the O pronounced like Oh, it wouldn't have an E on the end!

Have I mispronounced "done" all my life?