Dude, where's my laser?
- Reference: 1590390907
- News link: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2020/05/25/who_me/
- Source link:
Today's tale, from a reader the Regomiser has elected to call "Ron", takes us back to the 1970s, and Ron's carefree days at university.
His studies had led him to an internship at the US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), "the weather guys," he said by way of explanation.
"My particular project," he told us, "was, for lack of a better term, an atmospheric sonar system for determining wind speed and direction through the first 500 meters or so of air above the ground."
Alas, it suffered from a few problems.
"The system was sensitive to noise, particularly of airplanes," he recalled, "and so didn't see much use." It was, however, fun to work on.
Curious as to the origins of the project, Ron asked his superiors and received the following story.
At this point, our tale takes a lurch into the slightly unbelievable and, due to the time that has passed, we've not been able to completely confirm what Ron was told. Indeed, even Ron advised a healthy pinch of salt. However, where the US military and lasers are concerned, anything was, and continues to be, plausible.
After all, let's not forget the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency's (DARPA) antics with its [2]High Energy Laser (HEL) system .
"The military," Ron went on, "had always been very interested in very big lasers, long before Reagan came up with the Strategic Defense Initiative ['Star Wars']."
A real loch mess: Navy larks sunk by a truculent torpedo [3]READ MORE
A demonstration was set up at the White Sands Missile Test Range, featuring just such a big laser, and a very thick steel plate a mile or two downrange. The purpose of the test was to use the laser to do damage to the metal, thus showing the awesome pew-pew-pew power of the technology before blowing up a Death Star became a thing.
With the shiniest of military brass in attendance, the countdown began: "Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Fire!"
All eyes were on the plate. "The plate was singularly unimpressed," said Ron. "No hole. No melting. No scars. Not even warm."
Boffins hurriedly checked the laser; had it even fired?
Yes, it had indeed activated. But where had the beam gone?
Ron explained: "This was White Sands, a desert. It was a hot day, but was still early enough for a nice temperature inversion to have formed.
"The best guess was that the atmosphere ducted the beam away and it went who-knows-where. The powers-that-be learned of a problem that astronomers struggled with for decades and have only recently solved. Of course, in the '70s, active correction of the beam was not an option."
And so it was that the US government searched for a solution to the atmospheric distortion, one of which was Ron's sonar project.
"It never saw time at White Sands while I was there," he sighed, "but it did end up spending a winter at the South Pole.
"But that's another story."
Ever pondered the meaning of a project, only to find the truth was stranger then fiction? Or solved a problem with some surprising origins? Share your confession with an email to the vultures staffing the [4]Who, Me? desk. ®
[1] https://www.theregister.co.uk/Tag/who-me
[2] https://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/08/26/airborne_laser_weapon/
[3] https://www.theregister.co.uk/2020/05/18/who_me/
[4] mailto:whome@theregister.co.uk
It's always aliens!
ACME Corporation
Where DARPA try to flog off inventions the military don't buy
Not unbelievable
Having worked a little with this kind of stuff, the explanation makes a lot of sense.
Laser rangefinders exist, but the beam divergence is big enough to deal with things like wavy air over deserts. However,to make holes in metal you require almost zero beam divergence. It's entirely believable that someone used to working with long range lasers would forget this important point and the difference it makes.
Re: Not unbelievable
You mean, an expert scientist in optics would forget about a basic physics law?
Sorry, this story is completely unbelievable.
The 70s were still early stage development for lasers. It would not be dumb army grunts working on it, it would be a swarm of the best minds of the time. And doing damage to a steel plate miles away? That kind of power was barely SF stuff at the time.
Chuckle-inducing, just like the one with a Navy ship ordering a lighthouse to change course.
Re: Not unbelievable
Where was it implied that it was 'dumb grunts' working on the project?
Re: Not unbelievable
As soon as someone suggested "maybe they didn't think about it" as a plausible explanation.
Re: Not unbelievable
Oh not so unbelievable, I've known some very intelligent people, that could do amazing things in the lab, but who had a bit of a blind spot for what we would call real world conditions.
"The design works perfectly! Of course we can do the test out in the field outside. What do you mean we should test it before the boss comes down to have a look. It works perfectly i tell you!"
Re: Not unbelievable
At a semiconductor company I was employed as a characterisation engineer and ended up sorting out the more unusual/people issues.
Re: Not unbelievable
A good friend of mine has a brain the size of a planet and does some very sciency stuff for a government, he often misses the mundane in pursuit of the arcane.
I think it is because the bleedin' obvious is so obvious its ignored right to the point where it buggers something up.
Re: Not unbelievable
"The 70s were still early stage development for lasers."
I'm sorry but James Bond (and his manly bits) nearly copped it in 1964 at the hand of Auric Goldfinger and his laser...and in 1971 when Blofeld used a space laser to blackmail governments...and in 1974 Scaramanger had a working laser that could destroy small planes...
The above "historical documentaries" are available to view on the BBC at various times, so they must be TRUE.
So, it's clear that US of A had some working lasers before the "70s" that (obviously) some foreign powers hacked into the computers storing the designs and the plans were then sold off to the likes of SPECTRE and SMERSH !!
Re: Not unbelievable
"I'm sorry but James Bond (and his manly bits) nearly copped it in 1964 at the hand of Auric Goldfinger and his laser"
At the time a friend's physics lecturer described that laser as "Wouldn't even tickle Pussy Galore".
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acoustic_Kitty
The rabbit hole is deep when it comes to these crazy government projects.
I think the best explanation of this is the episode of Citation Needed ;)
Darth Vader deflected the laser to destroy Alderaan...
Ahh so Alderaan shot first. You all saw it, right? Right?
A problem that astronomers … have only recently solved
The military too, [1]it appears . The story says it's a 150kW laser, but there's nothing about the range. Judging by the haziness of the very short video of the illuminated target drone, it's quite a long way from the ship.
[1] https://www.businessinsider.com/us-navy-ship-destroys-drone-with-laser-weapon-2020-5
Well, they made some progress, eventually....
Beware, drone owners!
https://news.usni.org/2020/05/22/video-uss-portland-fires-laser-weapon-downs-drone-in-first-at-sea-test
"Of course, in the '70s, active correction of the beam was not an option."
I'm not convinced it's an option today either. Adaptive optics work to improve the definitiion of incoming signals but signal power is still lost. They don't "unscatter" the original signal, they correct what remains of the signal at the receiver.
And if a laser beam has been bent up into the sky by the atmospheric conditions, there's not much you can do at the source to counteract that. You could aim it downwards but the earth is probably there...
Re: "Of course, in the '70s, active correction of the beam was not an option."
"You could aim it downwards but the earth is probably there..."
Not if you've got a big enough laser!!!
"Ever pondered the meaning of a project, only to find the truth was stranger then fiction?"
No, but I have worked forlornly on projects that we thought was for the greater good only to find that the real reason was the bonuses in one or two pockets.
Working hypothesis: aliens.