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  ARM Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life (Terry Pratchett, Jingo)

Hooray! It's IT Day! Let's hear it for the lukewarm mugs of dirty water that everyone seems to like so much

(2020/05/21)


"It's International Tea Day!" I joyously proclaimed as I bounded into the kitchen, trying my best to sound like I had been counting the days rather than learning of it a couple of hours ago.

"Is it?" My better half raised her eyebrows while hunched over the kettle. "It's International Tea Day every day. There's a coffee for you there."

You see, I'm a coffee guy, but the exchange speaks volumes about Great Britain's strange fixation on the beverage.

I'm no expert, but I've watched baffled as friends and family have let out a bestial groan as the dirty water passes their lips. I might deign to have two or three cups a month – when the coffee's run out – which is still probably more than the people picking the leaves drink. But humour me while I attempt to unpick the enigma.

Tea is old. The United Nations, which has designated 21 May [1]International Tea Day , says there's evidence of its consumption in China as far back as 5,000 years. So for most of history the treat has been unknown to Brits despite its perception as something quintessentially British.

The earliest known reference to an Englishman's interaction with a cuppa is in 1615, when an East India Company agent stationed in Japan wrote to a colleague in China asking for "a pot of the best sort of chaw" – a phonetic attempt at the Cantonese word for tea.

As it was taken locally for medicinal purposes, the company must have seen its potential as a money spinner and started shipping it back home, a journey that in those days took over a year. And money spinner it was – in the 1690s, the Countess of Argyll paid more than £10 for six ounces of tea, which is [2]£26 per pound . Put into context, her estate's lawyer was paid £20 a year.

So brews quickly gained traction with aristocratic society, becoming the height of fashion while being labelled with various incredible health benefits. Thomas Garway, the first person to sell tea in Britain, [3]declared the drink to be "most wholesome, preserving in perfect health untill extreme Old Age". Of course he would say that.

It's notably the first overseas commodity to find a mass market in Britain. Although tea started as a highly exclusive ritual, by the end of the 18th century it could be found brewing over the fireplaces of the poorest cottages. But what Brits were quaffing 300 years ago – loose-leaf green tea, oolong tea – doesn't much resemble the heavily oxidised, tanninated, black stuff in bags we plough through now (allegedly almost 2kg per capita a year and the second most popular drink after tap water), which is a legacy of the commercial operations in colonial India.

Which is a lot of words to say people are batshit crazy about it and I'm honestly none the wiser. To me, you may as well suck some cardboard. Sure, coffee tastes like shit too but I personally need something with more kick, though I rarely feel anything on account of being perma-tired.

It's a good job many tea addicts out there never mess with heroin because the body count would be catastrophic, such is the ferocity of some people's habit. While tea contains caffeine too, it's about half as much as coffee, and there seems to be evidence that several cups a day does indeed bring [4]health benefits – but I've seen fiends go through three cups an hour.

When I ask the missus what it is about tea that makes her and her entire family tear through the stuff like peak oil, she tends to say something like: "It's just... nice." Admittedly, I have had one tea in my life that gave me a pleasant, warming buzz but I've forever been chasing that dragon since, and it might have something to do with not really knowing how to make a proper cuppa.

Milk IN the teapot: Innovation or abomination? [5]READ MORE

People are weirdly precious about the method. The rite and ritual of teapots and saucers no longer fits in with our hectic modern lives so tea is more often than not made with the bag in the cup, a splash of milk, a spoonful of sugar. However, veteran readers may remember [6]Teagate – a 270-comment scandal sparked by a Reg staffer (not me, I'm not a total savage) putting milk in the teapot "to save time". The fallout was horrendous. How can a simple drink have such a hold on people?

Anyway, here's to tea, I guess. Is its popularity the result of some vestigial perception that by drinking it you were posh? Are we all just so used to it that making a cup has become an autonomous reflex? Or is it genuinely "nice"? Enlighten me. ®



[1] https://www.un.org/en/observances/tea-day

[2] https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=7O02DwAAQBAJ&pg=PT134&lpg=PT134&dq=countess+of+argyll+%C2%A326+tea&source=bl&ots=CK75ZFao21&sig=ACfU3U3xxFNSa9Drr4yQEInm_uKnUBxVNw&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjMvevs5sTpAhWQasAKHToRBwsQ6AEwAHoECAcQAQ#v=onepage&q=countess%20of%20argyll%20%C2%A326%20tea&f=false

[3] https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=aoX1uMN5ZfgC&pg=PA59&lpg=PA59&dq=the+drink+is+declared+to+be+the+most+wholesome,+preserving+in+perfect+health+until+extreme+old+age&source=bl&ots=lFLNGpBU2s&sig=ACfU3U0PP89i0UecNQUPcAMbzuxaPAHZBg&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj2qLyJ5sTpAhWUEMAKHckYDioQ6AEwAHoECAQQAQ#v=onepage&q=the%20drink%20is%20declared%20to%20be%20the%20most%20wholesome%2C%20preserving%20in%20perfect%20health%20until%20extreme%20old%20age&f=false

[4] https://www.nhs.uk/news/food-and-diet/a-hearty-cup-of-tea/

[5] https://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/07/29/milk_in_teapot_debate/

[6] https://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/07/29/milk_in_teapot_debate/

EvilDrSmith

Three cups an hour?

A little atypical for me, I reckon about one an hour, maybe rising to 1 every 30 minutes, but 3 an hour? Entirely within sensible consumption limits.

Tea addicts

Giles C

Now I don’t drink tea or coffee personally.

But a good few years ago I went on a trip to Le Mans with some friends, there were 3 of them who drank tea, we were there for 4 days, they took a brand new bag of 1000 tea bags and brought back maybe 100 , so basically 300 tea bags each over 4 days or 75 a day, they were brewing up at least 3 or 4 times an hour all day.

How?

Re: Tea addicts

Peter2

Chronic caffeine addiction?

Peter2

Tea is nicer than coffee, but that's not really saying much to be fair.

Properly speaking the love affair with tea has a lot to do with the Victorians temperance movement. Back in the "good old days" there was no water filtering, so if you didn't boil it then you'd get lots of nasties from drinking it. Boiling the water dealt with this problem, and the standard beverage of choice was in Georgian times "small beer" which had something like a 0.5% alcohol content, much like most modern canned beers.

The Termperance movement then made it socially unacceptable to drink small beer by screeching about the evils of the devil water loudly, and to appease the screechers small beer was largely replaced with a mania for drinking tea. These days things have progressed and the descendants of the same people are screaming about putting a lump of sugar in the tea. Thanks to effective filtered water on tap we can all drink squashes and cordials instead without worrying about dying from horrible diseases.

Right, i've insulted tea drinkers, coffee drinkers, anybody who's drinks modern canned piss and the politically correct brigade. Who have I missed?

Martin Gregorie

Boiling the water dealt with this problem,

Upvoted. I came here to say that.

Tea probably was a health drink in 1690, simply because it was the only common drink to be boiled immediately before consumption, and hence largely microbe-free.

Peter2

It would certainly have been a healthier drink than drinking unboiled water pumped from the pump next to your outside toilet and getting Cholera from the process! I'm pretty sure that small beer was boiled, bottled and consumed quickly enough to be relatively healthy though.

Phil S

I remember reading something a few (15+) years ago about tea being a driver for the expansion of cities, but they cited the tea, rather than just the boiling, as the factor.

Wish I could find the thing I read, but from memory it talked about towns/cities couldn't grow beyond a certain size because of disease, with the exception of Britain and Japan (logically, it might have said China too, but I don't remember that).

Other places also boiled water for drinks but didn't grow so much, so the article was linking it to the properties of tea.

They then linked that to the rise of industrialisation (larger workforces in smaller spaces) in Britain first as opposed to Japan because we liked using iron, whereas they'd settled on using other raw materials.

Vague recollections aside, I still like to think the tea was the initial lubricant of the industrial revolution.

juice

> Properly speaking the love affair with tea has a lot to do with the Victorians temperance movement

There's also the British Army's love of tea, which dates back a few centuries - Bernard Cornwall's Sharpe was set during the Napoleonic wars, and the soldiers in that are constantly brewing up.

It'd be interesting to find out the history behind this. After all, it makes sense for the army to push tea as a drink; you have to boil water to make it (sterilising the water and the utensils used to make the brew), and it's a mild stimulant. It's also light and compact, doesn't require any special equipment or tools (unlike coffee) and isn't alcoholic, so something of a win all round if you're trying to keep a large group of men in fighting shape.

Not that it always worked, as happened in Gallipoli during WW1.

Either way, I guess this would have helped to spread it across the country, as the men would come home from t'war with their new habit/addition, and introduce it to their families.

And it's a bit odd that other countries didn't pick up on it to the same degree, though I guess this might have been at least partly due to the fact that the British Empire was consuming as much as could be produced. After all, we literally bought all the tea in the world during WW2...

https://blog.teabox.com/year-britain-bought-tea-world

I'm with you

Throatwarbler Mangrove

Tea is for people who can't handle the intensity of coffee and/or who have a moral objection to things which are enjoyable. You know, the English.

Re: I'm with you

juice

> Tea is for people who can't handle the intensity of coffee and/or who have a moral objection to things which are enjoyable.

Ooo. Someone needs to settle down with a nice cuppa!

The East India Company?

Martin an gof

No, everyone knows that tea was introduced to Britain in Roman times by [1]Asterix .

M.

[1] https://www.asterix.com/en/the-collection/albums/asterix-in-britain/

It's cheap and easy!

Chris Gray 1

I was fed tea (mostly milk of course) as a young 'un, and have stuck with it. I find coffee too bitter, though I imagine I could get used to it. Tea gives me the caffeine boost that I'm now used to. All you need is a kettle (which will last for years) and a teapot (which will last for decades). Far simpler than some coffee rigs. And, I believe it is a lot cheaper than coffee.

The one downside for me is stained teeth (not nearly as bad as smokers, and I imagine coffee does it too). And perhaps a few more bathroom breaks...

Tom 38

Coffee is too bitter, and cannot be consumed in the quantities required for refreshment. I like a coffee occasionally, a shot of espresso or even a lungo in the morning. But to sip that swill that is filter coffee all day long like the Americans? No thanks. Similarly, I'm fat enough without adding the filth that is a Starbucks venti latte. I've always found it strange that Starbucks, a coffee company, have so many drinks that are designed to hide the flavour of the coffee.

For me, tea is a total cure-all. Hangover, queasy stomach? Nice cup of tea will make you feel better. Dehydrated? Nice big cup of tea. Cold? Big cup of tea. If you have too many coffees, you can get the jitters and not sleep all night. Too many teas, you're just flushing the loo slightly more frequently. I start each day with 3 or 4 20oz cups of tea (SportsDirect mug size, although mine is a Chewbacca mug).

Negative Charlie

> Coffee ... cannot be consumed in the quantities required for refreshment.

It certainly can, but you might need to alternate coffee with water to prevent the "drink a pint and pee a quart" phenomenon from leaving your body entirely without moisture. (A pint is, of course, a perfectly reasonable size for a coffee mug.)

And there are things you can do with coffee to make it more palatable - Irish coffee is a lot nicer than Irish tea.

cornetman

> ....putting milk in the teapot "to save time"

WTF?

Graham Lockley

To all those who laud tea I have but one word...

Gin (its not just for breakfast)

Tim99

Wot, instead of adding milk? Sounds good...

No opinion...

User McUser

I just drink whatever comes out of the Nutri-Matic machine...

I drink both and I speak for me

Gringo99

So, I am Italian, which of course means I can have the final word on coffee ().

I started drinking tea in my mid-20 as I found that it settled my stomach better after a heavy night out. Coffee was just giving me heartburn.

Since I was young and foolish, this meant tea every w-end for breakfast, and sometimes also during the week (I regret nothing, up until the second ulcer).

The habit stuck, and tea is still my favourite drink for breakfast IF I can't get hold of proper cappuccino. I leave in UK now, so to be honest chances are slim.

I avoid Starbucks like the plague. I had coffee there 3 times (3 different branches in different years), and were all awful. They burn the shit out of it. Or maybe it's just their particular type of roast. Anyway, that explains why they "have so many drinks that are designed to hide the flavour of the coffee".

I drink tea without milk, as it's not the norm in Italy (and AFAIK outside UK). Tried a couple of times, it's ok but literally not my cup of tea.

But even green tea doesn't have the kick of coffee. Now that I stuck at home I do my after lunch one with this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moka_pot

To me it's the only way to make it, outside of a bar where they have a proper espresso machine. I am considering one.

So for anybody that made it that far in my rambling:

Tea is because it's easier on my stomach, I can dip biscuits in it (McVites rich tea or scottish shortbread) and I have to do something while I read The Reg in the morning and afternoon (I am 2 cups a day, a lightweight, I know).

Coffee is because I need to stay awake, and part of the italian "after lunch" tradition. Back in Italy I was easy on 5 espresso a day, and I wasn't the heaviest drinker between my friends.

Re: I drink both and I speak for me

Andraž 'ruskie' Levstik

Green tea definitely won't have anywhere near the kick of coffee because it has the least amount of caffinee. You want black tea for that.

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