News: 1589361309

Like the stuff cow farmers spread on fields?

I'm not even sure I would want to spread Windows 10 across a field of manure....

... "and out came a substance that was almost, but not entirely, completely unlike tea"

got one of those at work

All Windows error messages have been reduced to "Oops we're sorry but something's gone wrong there. Please try again later or talk to your administrator who's somehow supposed to know what the fuck this vague message means."

Yes they have. However, in theory, each time you get a vague error message like that, the offending app/system component is supposed to write the technical details into one of the logs accessible through event viewer.

Unfortunately, finding the relevant entry in that morass can be challenging if you don't have the exact number to search for, and far too often you end up with something just as meaningless when you do find the entry.

This also means that your service desk people need to learn how to use Event Viewer in order to perform many diagnostic tasks, rather than just reading an error message. And for embedded systems (like this) it's only really any use if you have working remote management on the thing, otherwise getting to event viewer locally can be challenging.

It's just the WIndows way of trying to emulate and integrate with its common user base, as most of them would simply report "It's broken, so fix it. It's urgent!" or something similarly nondescript and useless.

I guess someone in Redmond took the decision that as users never read, note or report the details of error messages, they're obviously not worth including in them in the first place?

Then with no failure reports it mush mean that Windows is perfectly error free...

That's the assumption that MS has been working on for the past 20 years. (sic)

And then there's the classic MPW C error message:

"Huh ?"

Although the one I invoked that had me ROFLing was:

"a typedef name was a complete surprise to me at this point in your program"

It's not the message but the way that it is delivered that counts. MSFT now has a design team working on making errors beautiful and harmonious, such as Light Azure Screen of Bereavement which gently reminds you not to strain your hands when reaching for the Ctrl Alt Delete keys.

about this sort of error message is that it offers no clue as to what might be wrong.

Far too much software does this and it can take a long time to suss a simple problem due clueless messages like this.

Just as bad are the intensely precise messages that require deep understanding of some protocol & access to the source code to learn what is wrong.

I know that writing good error messages is hard & takes time; unfortunately the programmer will only be complained at if s/he does take the time, the cost of understanding is paid by the user, not the developer.

Maybe it displays a more helpful message when the operator comes and opens up the machine to perform whatever action is required to fix the problem. Or maybe there is some sort of screen inside the machine, even if it's just a simple one or two line LCD display..

Admittedly, I am probably being a little naive in thinking that, after all, extra screens add cost to the product, and even if the produce costs tens of thousands of pounds, they try and save all the costs they can, even if a small LCD screen (and associated support software/hardware) would add a pound or two to the cost.

"it offers no clue as to what might be wrong."

An IBM classic was:

ABEND (code) ERROPT=ACC OR NO SYNAD EXIT SPECIFIED

No, me neither.

I'm sorry but nothing can beat the PC Startup error

Keyboard not found, Press F1 to continue

Keyboard not found, Press F1 to continue

I kind of approve of that, a little bit of Zen in everyday life.

The latest user facing errors just annoy - first to do so was the 'aw snap' from chrom(ium) - thinks it's a clumsy anime chara with moe potential, does it?

> Speaking in the first person, the computer is pleading for an operator to assist with whatever malaise had befallen the thing.

Maybe all it needs is a nice hot cup of tea-flavoured beverage.

(I wonder if anyone has switched it off and back on?)

.jpg, but webp image? Like sipping tea and discovering it's coffee.

Ah so you've tasted the output of these machines when they are working...

Have you come across those pesky little info boxes that contain, for example, really long path names. The box can display only four rows at a time and cannot be resized!

... and it won't let you select and copy the text either.

I don't really have a problem with first person error messages, as they avoid annoying passives or reflexives like "This machine".

"Hard disk could not be found" - by what?

"This machine cannot find its hard disk"

"I can't find my hard disk"

"Human... Please turn me off. Wait for 30 seconds. Turn me back on again. Thank you for your compliance. Two sugars was it?"

I hate stupid cute error messages 'Sorry the hamsters powering our servers are exhausted and need a break!" fuck off with your quirky millenial bullshit

I hate useless error messages "The download failed with error code 0x1820938091" fuck off how am I meant to troubleshoot that? Out of disk space? Connection closed? Remote server unavailable? File failed checksum/signature check?

at least, I think it's still there...haven't been in for two months.

It grinds the beans and brews a passably good cup of java, so long as you do not select powdered milk...

It appears to be made by a Canadian company.

Being friendly with the company admin whose responsibility it was to clean and un-bork it got me a look inside. They're quite clever, with a bog-roll style filter paper that advances after each cup and a large container for the grounds. Clever design, it's about a 1/2 cu meter and sits on the countertop.

Now, here's the good part: the manual is online, and the default access codes are in it (and are seldom changed). The bad part, is that the owners can talk with it over a cellular modem (or so the labels claim). So we haven't messed with it. But the temptation (and the password) is there, all right.

First task is to change the default video that plays while it's brewing to something more...inappropriate.

The machine is simply begging to be put out of its misery. "Here I am with a brain the size of a planet and they ask me to dispense coffee. Call that job satisfaction? I don't." (Sorry Marvin)