Iran military manages to keep a straight face while waggling miracle widget that 'can detect coronavirus from 100m away'
- Reference: 1587135551
- News link: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2020/04/17/iran_coronavirus_detector/
- Source link:
State-controlled media [1]PressTV this week gushed that the "new technology" was unveiled by the military org on Wednesday.
Here's 2018 in a nutshell for you... Russian super robot turns out to be man in robot suit [2]READ MORE
The stony-faced mouthpiece continued: "The technology can detect infected surfaces and diagnose individuals who carry the pathogen within five seconds." It said the contraption had been "developed by the scientists serving the country's Basij volunteer force".
Deliciously named IRGC commander Major General Hossein Salami was said to have described the doodad as a "novel and singular scientific advancement".
Footage from the widget's grand reveal shows a gaggle of gleeful military-looking fellows huddled around a table holding two very important black boxes and the supposed miracle contraption.
[3]Youtube Video
Behold the collapsible radio aerial! A masked official also idly waves about what appears to be an unobtanium shield. Clearly some sciencing has been done this day.
Heaping praise on the innovation, Salami, present at the event, sliced into how it works. He said it "generates a magnetic field that screens its surroundings, and is fitted with an antenna that points in the direction of infected targets upon detecting them".
He added: "This is an amazing scientific technique that has been tested across various hospitals" – with, er, accuracy rates above "80 per cent".
We'd get Prez Trump on the phone to help scale this absolute game-changer – he loves wildly unproven COVID-19 cures – but he's still on the line with the WHO. Meanwhile, some upstart from the BBC [4]noted it looked quite like some key British inventions .
Their "smart Covid-19 detector" bears an uncanny resemblance to three fake bomb detector tools, sold by four British fraudsters more than a decade ago, which ended up in conflict zones and were used by a number of governments around the world [5]pic.twitter.com/moE0F3gaEU — Shayan Sardarizadeh (@Shayan86) [6]April 15, 2020
It also looks a heck of a lot like the [7]advanced "electronic fuel detector" that had already been rolled out by the Iranian government only a few years earlier.
The country was an early victim of the globe-trotting virus so its people will be glad to know the regime is making incredible multi-purpose advancements for their benefit and not merely doling out the kind of propaganda that a toddler could see through. ®
Sponsored: [8]Legacy Modernization: Finding Your Way With Low-Code
[1] https://www.presstv.com/Detail/2020/04/15/623068/Iran-IRGC-Coronavirus-Technology
[2] https://www.theregister.co.uk/2018/12/12/russian_super_robots/
[3] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPTfIoBhRCI&feature=emb_logo
[4] https://twitter.com/Shayan86/status/1250454456342364161
[5] https://t.co/moE0F3gaEU
[6] https://twitter.com/Shayan86/status/1250453535600381952?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
[7] https://twitter.com/Shayan86/status/1250455846187945985
[8] https://go.theregister.co.uk/tl/1936/-8553/legacy-modernization-finding-your-way-with-low-code?td=wptl1936
This the one you're thinking of?: [1]The story of the fake bomb detectors
They were all bogus. But despite this, some are still in use today - in Iraq at checkpoints, to guard sites in Pakistan, and at hotels in the Middle East.
[...]
The fake "detectors" were little more than empty cases with an aerial which swings according to the user's unconscious hand movements, "the ideomotor effect".
[1] https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-29459896
re. Was it the Iranians who were caught out by the mine detector a few years back
if I remember, it was quite a few UK-based, and other agencies and organizations, who were caught. And the catcher was, if I remember vaguely, a business-minded UK businessman, wasn't it? But it never became wildly known to the Western public, cause so many "top" orgs were caught, including, if I remember correctly, UN, and some parts of UK military, non?
Re: re. Was it the Iranians who were caught out by the mine detector a few years back
You can't a down vote, from I presume a former member of the royal engineers.
From the linked article above.
"...even charged the Royal Engineers thousands of pounds for useless cards that went missing from a trade fair at which uniformed members of the corps had been paid to help promote the bogus devices.
Bolton's device, the GT200, was also backed by British embassies in Mexico City and Manila, through the then Department of Trade and Industry.
"The involvement of UK government agencies in promoting this is very embarrassing and awkward," says Mr Sheldon, who was shocked to learn of the involvement of the Royal Engineers Exports Support Team. "
Fools
There's one born every day!
Re: Fools
And one kills thousands in the same period.
you may laugh
but until an independent scientific review proves this device to be a fake, the verdict is out there (alongside, I dunno, trumpian claims that a certain virus might have not originated in a market, but in a military lab, pretty convenient narrative, but how do you disapprove it, especially when the Greatest Scientist and Intelligence Sourcerer says so). And, given that all scientists in the world are (directly or indirectly) sponsored by the Great Satan (bar a couple of folks in Iran), it PROVES any such review of this fabulous, Iranian device would not be "independent" anyway.
p.s. actually, I'm disappointed, I thought this device would actually be a long-range microscope, able to detect virus(es) from up to 100 m away :(
Re: you may laugh
to clarify, I think their claim is as clownish and just as out of their hairy arse, as the text makes it look. That said, it would be great fun if it turned out in the end that such a device actually works (as advertised), if only to shake our firm belief they're stupid bearded men in funny turbans running around a desert scenery on a bunch of camels and waving, what else but the good old ak47s. OK.
going back to a more serious level, what would be the point of such tv farce, I wonder? Presumably, addressed at their own population? But then, I had an impression, their population has already grown pretty immune and cynical to whatever their authorities proclaim so... who else might be the target audience? Or is it just a cheap and cheerful propaganda shot at those in the region who look up to Iran as their ultimate saviour?
Re: you may laugh
going back to a more serious level, what would be the point of such tv farce, I wonder? Presumably, addressed at their own population?
Power? Control? Much like the super warplanes they've shown of late.Gotta' keep the masses under control somehow.
Perhaps it detects 5G signals
Heh ;)
Re: Perhaps it detects 5G signals
Careful this will only fuel their craziness however it would be a wise time to point out to them that Iran doesn't have a 5G network as with many other countries that have Corona.
I need a pile of these
I'll be straight onto the conspiracy theory/anti-vaxxer sites selling these for a fortune. It's a ready-made target market of gullible people, after all.
Re: I need a pile of these
I'll be straight onto the conspiracy theory/anti-vaxxer sites selling these for a fortune. It's a ready-made target market of gullible people, after all.
In my more misanthropic moments(*) I've considered selling kits to suppress 99% of electromagnetic radiation from computer monitors. I reckon paying £100 for a black bin liner and some double sided tape would be good value for the priceless education.
(*) People who know me go " more misanthropic???"
ride time
I can't help wondering who is fooling who.
Is somebody taking the Revolutionary Guards for a ride or are they fully aware they are talking bollocks?
Why was the guy on the left wearing his face mask half way down his face? I'm sure I could see his top lip over the top of the mask!
Why were any of them wearing masks? Surely if the device can detect Coronavirus at 100m they've got prior warning of any potentially infectious person or surface.
Or don't they trust their own technology?
"a gaggle of gleeful military-looking fellows huddled around a table"
Let's hope they keep ignoring social distancing and take out most of the military.
Anon - they've got guns.
Oh ye of such little faith
This can be proven to work so very easily:
Walk into a hospital with lots of Covid-19 patients in beds.
Point the device at the patients and any suspect looking staff.
Done, proven.
I may have been hoping a long range temperature sensor - point it at someone's forehead and measure their temperature, but this so much better! :)
Reminds me of Chemical Ali...
infrared thermometer without laser...
Lasers are prohibited form being exported there. So the antenna is used as 'pointing stick'....
Lirpa Loof
When is April the 1st in Iran? They do have a different calendar.
I'm just trying to work out at what point reality and satire are going to meet and become indistinguishable. I know this is satire because it's fucking crazy but how many news sites are going to pick this up a possible? How many conspiracy websites are going to start saying look we told it was 5G?
If one day we colonise another planet can we leave the idiots behind? That's not to say I'm not an idiot or better than anyone else. There just needs to be some sort of test like the Darwin awards. Questions like would you or did you vaccinate your children? Are you going to vote Trump 2020/1? (I didn't say did you vote Trump because some people were genuinely fooled however if you are planning to vote for him this time then you are a brain washed hick who protests about the lock down with others). Do you believe chemicals in the water are turning you gay? Does Don McClean's American pie predict a satanic communist takeover? If they answer yes to any of these questions then they don't go.
Hmmmm...prior art?
A masked official also idly waves about what appears to be an unobtanium shield.
Looks like the pot lid from my kitchen.
As for the antenna part... looks like a dowsing rod.
They look so serious like maybe they're afraid to giggle which could get them shot.
Was it the Iranians who were caught out by the mine detector a few years back which was just an empty plastic box with a metal coat hanger (or something like that)?