News: 1586420107

Would that be length or width?

Assume a spherical retriever, then it won't matter.

Isn't spherical the natural state of retrievers? (AKA self-mobile permanently hungry stomachs)

Your two retrievers probably won't keep in perfect straight line nose to tail tip formation. At which point you are relying on the other person's dogs to provide a proper exclusion measurement.

Unfortunately, dogs being dogs, the tail length becomes irrelevant as the distance contracts to mutual nose to butthole.

Does that include the tongue?

Please remember to keep at least 1 large alligator between you and everyone else at all times.

But where can I get a large alligator, if the shops are closed?

If you can get a large alligator and are keeping it between you, I suppose it had shared pet status and you can take it walkies together (provided you stay either side of the alligator.

Out of curiosity, how wide is an alligator?

I assume they are restricting this rule to American alligators as the only other extant species is ... Chinese.

Are you sure? I thought the species question was always African or European?

Those big snappy things in African rivers are crocodiles, no alligators in Africa.

I think there may be numerous other snappy things in African rivers but none of them are naturally occurring alligators.

That's a lot of alligators. Are there that many to spare?

You'll struggle to get an Osman, too. I expect he/it is in high demand, being carried round by plods to measure inter-person spacing up and down the length* and breadth* of the country.

* also measured in Osmans?

The article talks about Florida! You don't need any effin pet shop for an alligator in Florida!

Destructive GRM, i.e. inclusive of tail at maximum wag length which can clear a table of all glassware in 2 seconds: the length is 52”

Non-Destructive GRM with tail down: 43.5”

You mean 9.434 (7.8919) linguine.

C'mon - we have standards for a reason, lets stick to them.

Speaking of - why is the Reg Standards Soviet not working on an improvement to the mundane chronological standards still clinging on despite their irrelevancy to the modern world?

We all know about the NewYorkSecond, or, more relevantly, the SupportCallNanoMoment (The time taken between a simple mistake inadvertently going live and the phone call about it from Head Office), but there must be more?

Also the OhNoSecond - the length of time between hitting "Return" and realising what you've just done.

Could there be a standard term to describe the indeterminate part of your life spent waiting while a musak recording is interspersed with ' please wait, your call will be answered as soon as an operator/human/chatbot is available'.

Perhaps a 'Limbo' or a 'Purgatory'.

Northern Line minutes are almost infinitely variable if you are a denizen of the big smoke (London to non Brits). Of course no sane person will be putting this to the test at the moment.

Florida reports a sudden increase in alligator attacks, with around 50% of everyone leaving the house for any reason, reportedly being bitten by one!

.. and the other 50% getting slapped by the tail?

Always keep at least one Osman between you and the alligator.

"Anyone know the length of two average family hounds?"

Retrievers aren't hounds ... but I just happen to have some actual hounds here. So in the interests of Science, and cross-pond relations, I picked up a tape measure and set to work. The Greyhound curled up into a tighter ball and told me in no uncertain terms that he's sleeping, and go away. The Velcro Whippet decided that my movement at this hour (01:45 left-coast time) meant we were going on our late-night inspection tour of the barn, and he's already downstairs, waiting by the door.

The only logical conclusion is that while you can see a hound, they aren't measurable. One wonders if one can measure them when you can't see them ... but the whippet is waiting, so I'll have to revisit this anon.

There's an easy way to measure the length of any dog. Simply climb a ladder, hold up a piece of bacon, & get someone else to measure the pooch while it's stretched out trying to snag the yummy. Just make sure to let go of the treat before the dog decides to maul you for taunting it.

*Wanders off to go find some bandages with which to staunch the blood from my mangled hands*

=-)P

You are referring to the Canine Uncertainty Principle which states that if you know the momentum of a dog you do not know its length. As momentum tends to zero, dogs tend to curl up into extra dimensions.

This is not to be confused with the Schroedinger's Dog Principle which states that the probability amplitude of where a dog wants to be is always highest on the other side of the door.

Schroedinger's hounds.

Or 27 feet... That's a big alligator!!

How far can a droplet of water travel? That's how far the virus can travel.

Given that it rains 1,000s of miles inland, a very long way indeed. :o)

I don't have an alligator with me, but I definitely want to stand at the tail end, not the head end, when I'm queueing up!

I don't think the Kangaroo would be much better, have you seen the damage they can cause with their feet if they are forced to stand in line?

Mine's the one with an Osman piece of string in the pocket.

Apparently the maximum length of a cricket bat is 38". So simply imagine 2 cricket bats laid end-to-end, with a ball in between. It's so clear now.

Please! A cricket bat is 6.894 linguine in length (0.481 Osmans). Enough of the fangled antiquated imperial measurements, they're just not, erm, cricket.

Simplifies "measurement"...

If I can hit you with my bat then you're too close.

I keep 1 TrumpEgo away from everyone else to limit the ability of anyone to infect me.

*Saturday Night Live "Church Lady" amused smirk*

"I keep 1 TrumpEgo away from everyone else to limit the ability of anyone to infect me."

How many Beeblebroxes[1] is that?

[1] - because, as any fule kno, Zaphod Beeblebrox's ego is the largest thing in the universe.

Isn't 3 miles a bit excessive?!?

It is there as a mechanism for social distancing. A wolf, large bear or tiger are all perfectly legitimate substitutes. If more people followed this rule with a large wild carnivor deaths from corona virus will quickly become rare events.

If I was one Osman from someone else, and there was an alligator between us, I would be increasing the number of Osmans at a very rapid pace. Although, as I suspect the alligator would be quicker than me so I wouldn't get many Osmans away before my time was up.

Although, as I suspect the alligator would be quicker than me

Apparently they give up chasing on land very quickly so a few Osmans away is quite adequate.

Personally, if you have an Osman between you and an alligator, let him have the Osman.

Plenty for him to chew on, while you are legging it.

https://xkcd.com/2290/

"I'm going to change the sign so the pole is horizontal and the sign is mounted on the front like a plunger, so I can carry it around like a lance to gently push people back if they try to approach."

Is that a red or grey adult kangaroo, and male or female... they are sexually dimorphic.

icon - I'm leaving before anyone mentions swallows.

you mean eastern grey or red kangaroo? A big Red is about 2 meters tall and you need to be 2 meters away to avoid disembowling. Greys not as bad. About 1.5 meters tall and not as aggressive. At least the entagled one I let loose last month did not get excited while being freed from cord tangle. Perhaps NSW mountain wombats. Full grown the local ones hit a meter long, 0.5 meter wide and high. Usually not as wide, but local ones must go to pub more than others. There is one under part of my vege patch. And yes, they have been known to bite.

Roos: a high percentage are hermaphroditic. In Oz even the wildlife walks/hops on the wild side

If I see someone walking an alligator, I'm going to keep way more than one alligator's distance between me and the both of them !

Coat because I'm getting the hell out of there.

Or, more properly, 8.1 Wales (avoiding the unnecessary downscaling of units and upscaling of number). But I believe that an American Wales is confusingly only 17/23 of a British Wales, due to their own bloody minded need to be different to everybody else. Never mind, it's a warm sunny day here isolated indoors so everybody have 1000 milliPints on me.