News: 1585749665

Each time you use "the facilities" at work, take an extra portion of paper for home in your pocket. Your home reserves will suffer less.

Think most of our lot do that every time they get anything out of stores cupboard - either that or most of them must spend all day washing their hands, the number of bottles of hand cleaner that have vanished is asrounding.

Some bugger even nicked the top and the tail of the t in astounding.

It's a breakdown in law and order when even the typefaces are being assaulted. Support Your Local Serif!

It was that comic, sans, who dunnit!

Surely that's just bad keming on the font you're using.

Used to work with a guy that regularly stole bog roll, pens, blank disks and teabags.

We called him "Baron von Bogroll", "Count Crapula", "The Count of Monte Arse Wipe", "The Great Shatsby", "Bog Beard", "The Bog Goblin", "The Skidmark Pimpernel" or shorthand "The Baron", "The Count", "The Goblin", "The Skid" etc.

We couldn't prove it was him, but we knew it was him. A true legend.

"We couldn't prove it was him, but we knew it was him."

Be careful ... at one place I worked in the late 70s we had a guy like that. Or so we thought. Until we placed my lovingly hand-made CROMEMCO Cyclops in a spot to capture the perp red-handed. It turned out to be the guy who was spreading the rumo(u)rs that it was the first guy.

The second guy was fired forthwith, and we had a rather hilarious beer-bust the following friday where we all took turns coming up with the biggest whopper about the first guy ... with the first guy sitting on a hastily constructed "throne" on a man-lift, looking down at all of us groveling in apology beneath him.

40 years on, most of us are still in touch. It's funny what will unite people.

"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so." —Samuel Langhorne Clemens

So take a spare portion of paper from my home loo to my living room??? What?

But I've worked from home for decades, and I'm hardly likely to steal from myself. Am I supposed to steal from my clients when I go on-site instead?

I went to my local Morrisons last night and can only have four of any one alcohol product, so am limited to four bottles per brand. They stock a lot of stuff I don't like, so only left with 6 bottles. Yet if I'm a Corona/Stella/Carling/Guinness etc. drinker I can buy four cases. Discrimination against real ale drinkers I say!

It's not the end of the world, and the staff there are coping remarkably well.

You'll need to wear PPE to handle Corona.

Or better yet, don't bother. Any beer that is advertised as needing citrus to mask it's flavo(u)r must have something inherently wrong with it ... life's too short to drink nasty beer.

It's bizarre that one bottle of beer is the same as one bottle of wine or whisky, in this rationing scheme, but it is a bit of a first world problem.

Plus the wine retailers are back delivering to existing customers now. And as the weather warms it's turning into lager weather anyway.

"as the weather warms"

Not much sign of that here.

It is individual items and not collections (such as packs or boxes of wine) in our supermarket.....

Just sayin'.

"only have four of any one alcohol product"

That explains it. Daughter is doing the shopping for us and some of her neighbours. She left the entire till-roll with our shopping this morning & it started off with 4 bottles of Chardonay.

I went to my local Morrisons last night and can only have four of any one alcohol product

I'm not a panic buyer, I wish to make that clear, but I have been hoarding Whiskey for the past 30 years and most likely have enough to see me out of this life at around 70ish. Or a week on Tuesday if I go for gold.

My beer & lager stores are depleting fast, but I'm a long way from being unable to shave the mutt the morning after a heavy night.

remember to use both sides.

With a simple fold thats easy to achive. (weapons grade curry or mexican dishes are not your friend at this point)

WARNING: Actual intelligent reasoning must be applied to the viability of performing the fold prior to any attempt!

Then all hope is lost!

So not rare at all then?

That's what I thought!

Would have made more sense to me if it had been "rare as a real tan in a Trump hotel.".

Or as real as a genuine white person.

I would need to see a definition of 'genuine white' there.....

I will, however, settle with a well-rewarded worker though - that would be rare.

Haven't they closed shop to protect the unwashed covidiots from themselves and the rest of us from them? According to its [1]site , "Trump International Hotel Washington, D.C. remains open for our guests due to its designation as an essential business. The safety of our guests and employees remains our top priority... By order of the Mayor of Washington, D.C., Trump International Hotel Washington, D.C. has temporarily closed our restaurants, spa, and fitness center. In-Room Dining will remain open during this time."

To be fair, hotels are essentially dual use in that they can be used for purely recreational purposes but also are important for people caught out of pocket by this pandemic and for those who have a legitimate and essential role to play and are forced to travel because of it. There are a varied classifications of hotels by different governments; it's a bit confusing for all involved, I think.

[1] https://www.trumphotels.com/washington-dc/guest-notice

I'm most upset. My local Co-Op has run out of Frazzles.

I'm not sure about my life turning into version of The Road (shame about the movie eh?) but my Daughter and I are still hoping for a real life playthrough of The Last of Us.

She's immune to COVID-19? GET HER!

Yes, I can see rednecks herding groups of people with their 'I've had COVID29' stickers and forcing them in to buy beer. A similar situation was alluded to in Wyndhams "Day of the Triffids"" - with sighted survivors, although they did ration the sighted, both for those trying to help the blinded and those trying to profit from the situation.

Surely, the titular calculation can only be performed by each person, with due regard to all available factors?

If your food stash includes a lot of lentils, or curry sauce, that could seriously skew the graphs, I'm sure...

Or if you are a lady - when even walking past the bathroom seems to involve using half a roll.

Seriously what do they do with the stuff? It takes a couple of sheets for anything other than a major discount curry mistake.

I appreciate that the other team need to wipe up after a pee but the rate the roll goes round sounds like an aircraft carrier dropping anchor.

My guess is makeup, nose blowing, two distinct places to clean if doing a #3 combo, and the fact that wet stuff soaks through most bog roll.

I noticed that switching to 3-ply really reduced my bog roll requirements, in part because there was less "Getting in touch with the inner self" potential, and it's just that itty bitty little more adsorbent for when it's needed.

If I need more than an arms length in a loo session, it's probably going to require a shower and a blacklist of what I ate/drank before.

"the rate the roll goes round sounds like an aircraft carrier dropping anchor."

You owe me a new keyboard ... one without coffee spilled all over it.

Well maybe, but I've know some "alpha male preeners" who could put an entire teenage cohort (of both sexes) to shame on the "Aircraft carrier dropping anchor" front.

YMMV however...

Almost as smooth skinned>

Note to self: do not read el reg while eating.....

Ok I can't speak for all supermarkets but I can for the one I'm currently working at though I can't see the process being much different.

Lorry Arrives > Unload > Split pallets into cages > Work cages onto shop floor. Overs (stuff that won't go on the shelf) are put either above the shelves or in the back.

A lot of supermarkets are now holding some stock back for the morning to help key workers and pensioners so the earlier you go the better chance you have.

If something you want is on the shelf above and do check the whole aisle on both sides ask someone that works there and they will get it down for you. Don't get it down yourself.

Stock that is put out from a delivery requires timing. An afternoon delivery will mostly be put out by the night shift however on some occasions some stock will go out same day. Ask someone that works there when they roughly get deliveries then add 1-2 hours. If it's toilet roll you're after that comes on a pallet on it's own so you try and time it for just after the delivery has arrived and ask someone to check the back, same for nappies and the big multi can cases of alcohol. Also worth noting is that the time they give may now be wrong, deliveries where I am now arrive 1-2 hours earlier due to reduced traffic on the road.

When asking staff to have a look in the back try not to pick a member of staff with a cage or omni (metal truck with steps to reach the shelves above). There are rules that state you can't leave a cage or omni on the shop floor unattended. Sometimes people will but you have more chance if you ask someone without one.

If you really are desperate for yourself or a family member ask a member of staff if they could possibly put whatever it is back for you so you can collect in the future. Some will some won't.

Also try to get a member of staff from the section you want. They are split at least where I am by frozen/chilled/produce(fruit and veg)/home and leisure/bread and ambient for everything else.

Be polite, I can't stress this enough. I'm sure you are very pissed off at having to stand outside for up to an hour and we do understand but if you aren't polite the staff aren't going to go out of their way for you.

Last but not least we have stock, you really don't need extra. In the last two days we've had deliveries that shame the Christmas surge. 33 pallets yesterday + the night delivery I don't see and 43 + night delivery today. Those numbers don't include frozen/chilled/produce.

My sympathy for supermarkets is mixed. They did little to help initially; particularly failing to ration when everyone could see the empty shelf crisis looming.

Once panic buying was de rigour many supermarkets would rush stock out and the vultures would have it off the pallets before it made it to the shelves. A classic When it's Gone It's Gone scrapfest.

That merely created a 'when you see it grab it, because you never know when you'll ever see it again' mentality which made things even worse. It also led to huge crowds as people tried to hit shelf stacking times.

Since it's been 'one in, one out' and rationing it's been a lot better with shelves stocked for longer which compensates for the queuing. Sure; it's our national sport but a big part is whining about having to and that's been taken from us.

At least I'm no longer having to put on the Naughty Nurse outfit in an effort to get in before stock runs out.

> Sainsbury's last night and can confirm that pasta, bog roll and tinned beans among other unperishables are still as rare as fake tan in a Trump hotel

Rarety of tans in hotels aside, you went to the wrong shop.

My local shops all have plenty of bog roll and tinned beans. Not sure I would buy pasta from them (it would probably have gone out of date in 2018) but they have all the basics. The Co-Op even had freshly baked rolls after 5pm the other day, which is unheard of at that hour.

Don't you have a shower head? Get an extension. It doesn't get cleaner than that!

How do you get the shit off the shower head afterwards?

Rinse it off in the toilet bowl

There's where the extension comes in: cut off a piece and clean the head. ;-)

Big Bidet out in force right now.

So in the words of the song:

"Aha bidets are here again"...

Wire brush and Dettol cleans even better (from a very old joke)

No, not Danny Devito in a singles bar but my part of Spain. We still have some shortages to a small degree but in general even in the small supermarket in the tiny village I live closest to, there are supplies of most things including bog roll. The oddest thingbis 95% of folk are wearing masks and gloves in the shop but there is this odd small percentage who are walking around as if nothing is different. They don't bget away with it Scot free though, there are plenty who tell them to mask and glove up.

The 16th century writer François Rabelais suggested "the neck of a goose, that is well downed" is far preferable to paper.

If you decide to try this method, it is absolutely essential to remove the neck from the goose first.

But have you tried getting goose necks in Tesco lately? None on the shelves anywhere. Some bugger must've already purloined the lot.

The elderly are rightfully being allowed in to some shops an hour earlier...

Well they might be in some places but not at my local Tesco. There they open at 08:00 but the reserved time for the elderly is from 09:00 to 10:00. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. When I went there on Monday the place was full of younger people who had got in before 09:00 and a lot of the shelves were empty.

It seems silly that Tesco have a reserved hour but it is an hour after opening time.

Covidiots: they may lose their jobs in the current crisis. But surely they lay ground for opening a toilet paper dealership.

I keep my reserves as low as ever. Some years ago I had a discussion with a mild form of prepper. He truly couldn't understand why I didn't have a stockpile of tinned food and other essential supplies. Getting bored of the discussion I simply replied: I don't need to. I know where you live.