Captain Caveman rides to the rescue, solves a prickly PowerPoint problem with a magical solution
- Reference: 1584692108
- News link: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2020/03/20/on_call/
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Today's story takes us back nearly 30 years, to the early 1990s and the unalloyed delight that was the Windows 3 era and its interpretation of multitasking.
Our reader, who we will call "Captain Caveman" for reasons that will be become clear, was working in Wales in the happy days before companies issued mobile phones to junior IT staff and when laptops were a luxury item, handed out only to the biggest of cheeses.
While the Captain was well used to Windows and its occasional wonkery, the company he had joined was not. In fact, green or orange screen terminals were still the order of the day. "Most computer users," he added, "were unused to multi-tasking environments."
Windows 3.0 was the first iteration of Microsoft's whizzo windowing platform to feature more than a simple task switcher for multi-tasking, assuming one was running in one of more exciting modes requiring an 80286 or a mighty 80386 CPU and a little extra RAM. Windows 3.0 on an 8086 or 8088 was at best a bit of a curiosity. Thankfully, 1992's Windows 3.1 dropped support for the venerable Real Mode and was a tad less prone to fall over into a heap when provoked.
The Call came in while The Captain was at home - mobile phones were not welded to every hand back then: "I got a call on our house phone from a senior manager who was very stressed," he explained. "He had been working on a presentation he had to give at 9am the next morning and had come back to the laptop (luggable) after some time doing something else and was no longer able to access the file he had been working on."
The Captain remembered that the manager had been issued with one of HP's finest. Or maybe IBM's. Certainly, the beast was not to be messed with, but somehow the presentation had been lost. Could the Captain, a pal from when the pair had gone caving together, help?
After apologising for calling him at home (ah, the days when management didn't expect to be able to get hold of staff at all hours of the day or night) "he said he had 'tried everything' and the computer kept stating that the file was in-use and therefore he had lost all of his work."
There was no time to rewrite the whole thing before morning, and the PowerPoint of that era was quite a different beast to today's. Being a thoroughly decent chap, the Captain agreed to make the 15-minute car journey to perform a house call and have a crack at getting the file back.
"Arriving, I was greeted by the sight of someone close to panic."
The Captain was shown into the Laptop Room and sent the manager off to prepare a restorative cup of tea. "I thought he needed one and anyway, making it would distract him whilst I took a look at the computer."
"When he returned to the room, I was able to say with confidence: 'Sorted it.'"
He should have kept quiet to preserve the secrets of IT wizardry, but instead explained the magic: "Being unused to a multi-tasking system, he had managed to open PowerPoint more than once, and the file he wanted was still open in another instance of the program (hence the 'file is locked' message).
"With a simple Alt-Tab, I had 'recovered' the file... In fact, I saved a couple of copies to be sure and then left him to it."
The Captain's magic keypress was richly rewarded the following day "with a very nice bottle of red wine which my wife and I thoroughly enjoyed."
Ever solved a seemingly intractable problem with what, to a panicked user, was something akin to magic? Or had a reward that was way out of proportion to what you actually did? Tell all to [1]On Call . ®
[1] mailto:oncall@theregister.co.uk
I once 'cured' a friends computer of a nasty virus that neither he nor anyone else he had contacted before resorting to asking me (oh, the shame!) to help.
Turns out some joker had changed his background image to include a pop-up box that couldn't be clicked on to get rid of (unsurprisingly). Found the original file and restored his background. When my 'mate' came back to the computer he was amazed and asked how I had done it.
Foolishly I told him. My reward? A disparagement of my skills, claiming I hadn't 'fixed' anything and was treated as if I had cheated him somehow, even though I didn't charge and it cost me petrol and time to sort out.
His reward? Never to see my face at his house ever again. After all, I wouldn't want him to feel cheated again would I?
I had a similar thing about 18 years ago. Neighbour desperately wanted their internet back. I called round after work to be met with (I shit you not!) "Oh can you come back another time? I've got friends here and I'd be embarrassed having a nerd come in!"
When he collared me the following morning when I was walking to school to ask if I'd come round later, I made it very clear he could expect no help from me ever again. He was quite miffed "Can't you take a joke"?
My answer..."Apparently not, but I do know how to fix my internet connection"
I once had the pleasure of being sent to a rather famous Stadium in Cardiff while it was being constructed.
Big Cheese was having trouble with His CD drive.
Oddly, optical drives struggle with dusty environments.
A swift blast of air duster and a brief tour of the work in progress was my reward.
Understated..
"Well, that was quite the week wasn't it?"
shouldn't that be followed by..
"You ain't seen nothin' yet"?
I'll get my coat - I won't be going far, just to the loo-roll tree I've got growing in the greenhouse.
Re: Understated..
Almost any tree can be a loo-roll tree, assuming you have your own portable paper mill :)
Re: Understated..
....paper mill....no wonder the wife was complaining about splinters*!
*There's a joke about little pricks in there somewhere, but I'm too shy to find it.
Re: Understated..
Depending on the tree / bush you might be able to simply harvest some leaves?
Laurel seems a bit tough, Nettles seem a bit... spicy... too early for the grape vine... perhaps some judicious (and external only) application of rhubarb leaves?
Re: paper mill
I wonder did Nokia sell ALL of them?
Re: Understated..
Greenhouse on boggy ground I assume?
Everyone is working - Except the boss
A little later in the 90s, when PowerPC was the flavour of the month in the world of Anything-But-Windows, and MacOS 7.6 was considered pretty decent (well, when compared with the monstrosity that was 7.5), I got a call from a graphic design business which was in some difficulty. Everyone was able to work - except the boss.
This graphic design company was in a small town, just off the A44, and at the bottom of the car park ran a tributary of the River Avon. The business itself was in a single story shed or nissen hut - and when I arrived there I saw that the car park was flooded (so I parked on the road). I grabbed my wellies from the boot and sploshed over to the building to discover that, whilst the power was on, the building too was more than slightly damp inside. The computers, PowerMac 8600s, were sitting on the floor in a few inches of water whilst the designers (also wearing wellies) were beavering away at their work. No, I don't know why they didn't just turn around and go home again.
The boss, being the boss, had splashed out on the more prestigious and powerful PowerMac 9600 - which, at first glance, looked identical to its inferior sibling. His computer, also sitting in water, would do nothing more than impudently flicker its power light when the power button was pressed.
The problem was plain to see when opening the case. The 8600 had a little logic board and the bottom of its case was filled with nothing more fragile than air. The 9600 was chock full of now rather soggy electronics. I took his computer away, cleaned the board with Iso, left it to dry - and it was right as rain. And the boss received a valuable education in why water and electronics really don't mix.
Re: Everyone is working - Except the boss
"splashed out" - was that deliberate? :D
Reminds me of when I came home from work to find my wife in the kitchen cooking using various electric utensils all of which were plugged into a 4-way extension that was sitting on the work surface. However, the aforementioned work surface was, for some totally unknown (to me) reason, flooded with 1/4" of water which, due to it neither exactly being level but sealed against the wall behind, wasn't resulting in the water running off onto the floor. She was somewhat surprised when I screamed and immediately shut off the power. A bit of necessary education followed.
Re: grabbed my wellies from the boot
When did Nokia sell the wellie boot division?
Yesterday
I got a call from my cousin that needed help with setting up a "home office" yesterday.
The company she works for have told all their staff to work from home due to the coronavirus.
Their IT Dept. just dropped off the equipment at her house and left her to set it up.
Got the computer up and running and connecting to their VPN but not the VOIP telephone. It required configuring and there were no instructions. At least she can email the IT Dept and vent at them.
Re: Yesterday
Their IT Dept. just dropped off the equipment at her house and left her to set it up.
Does she work for that well known Swedish company?
Re: Yesterday
Nope, a local company that does work for the council.
Re: Yesterday
That explains a lot, like a lot of other things, incompetence flows downhill.
Re: Yesterday
Gotta say in the current chaos I've had the exact opposite experience.
Our IT department have been absolute heroes, sorting out everyone with what they need for remote working (including soft phone via Avaya) and making what kit they can available such as extra monitors and cabling. I already had softphone installed, but it hadn't been configured. One quick email to the helldesk and within 5 minutes a document appeared with all I needed in it to set it up (30s work).
So I'd like to take a moment to raise a virtual pint to all the unsung backroom heroes helping to get all we enforced working from homers (d'oh!) up and running.
This is for you guys and gals ---------------------->
Key workers
Interesting that gov.uk has issued its list of key workers, and it doesn't seem to include telco/data/internet services.
Wonder how long before they amend that next time O2's certificate server goes down, or similar?
Re: Key workers
Version I read seemed to include comms infrastructure.
It wasn't that specific, though.
Re: Key workers
The problem is that most IT people can work from home perfectly well already. So they're key but don't need to get to the office etc.
There's also a larger than average proportion who are well practised at self isolation/social distancing, and probably also a larger than average proportion who are single/have no distracting kids. Yes, I include myself in that assessment.
Re: Key workers
But that is the 'unsung hero' part a lot of us techies play on a daily basis. We *try* and keep things running despite the best efforts of senior management to under-invest and kick us to the kerb 'because we don't seem to do much and we're a financial burden'. Right up until the point the shit hits the fan.....
A pint, to all my fellow techies out there. You deserve it.
Re: Key workers
A pint, to all my fellow techies out there. You We deserve it.
FTFY or were you excluding yourself as undeserving?
Re: Yesterday
Thank you for the virtual beer!
That's exactly what we're doing here. Trying to sort people out as quickly as we can.
Re: Yesterday
We told our users to take their laptop with them when they left, and if they needed a better keyboard and an external monitor, take the stuff on their own desk.
I'm not effing going to hand out a truckload of monitors or keyboards and mice. Or be the unfortunate guy who has to recover all that crap again when the hysteria is over. Just the thought of cleaning all that kit before storing it away...
I have been reimaging spare laptops, though, and have nearly 3 dozen ready and waiting for breakages...
(So far, just a couple of completely knackered batteries... )
VOIP phones?
Nah...
Skype for business works well enough for most.
Now I'm working on the junk pile, sorting what can still be used, what should be recycled, and removing the evidence.(user data, 'cleverly hidden' notes about passowrds in the DVD drive, the usual stuff)
I may even take the time to clear out the tangles in one or two of the comms closets now that there's no users about...
It's an ill wind that brings no good...
This brought me peace and quiet to get things done!
Re: Yesterday
Graduate from the BOFH school of IT i see! :)
Re: Yesterday
No, a true BOFH would have issued the users with their own shovels, cement, quick lime and full printed instructions to carry out their own DIY burials. Possibly, to help them on their way, the company-issued keyboards would have come pre-fitted with (mostly) concealed cattle prods whose only visible sign is a tiny but sharp metal spike stcking out betwen the R and T keys ready to catch an unwary finger for an unexpected surprise >kzzzt!<.
A bit of kindness
I've been involved in several emergency deployments over the years where we have had to get kit out to sites disrupted by fires/ lightning strikes/floods. When the brown stuff hits the fan the guys delivering kit to site are unlikely to be technical specialists and probably have a van full of stuff to drop off. A this point anyone who can image a machine is doing so, network specialists are probably working to increase external network capacity and anyone who can help out with user support is attached to the help desk pool. Some people will be able to put the kit together them selves, some will be lucky enough to have friends/ relatives who can help them out and those both pressure off the help desk to support the people who really can't manage it. You can either take the time to ensure everything is fully configured and tested (my usual approach) or you can get kit out to as many people and possible then mop-up the issues over the next few days. When a team sized to deploy 10-20 machines a day are suddenly asked to deploy several hundred some corners do need to be cut
I once got a call-out on Boxing Day to "fix" an installation of some Christmas software on a Windows machine.
After a few unsuccessful attempts, I removed the CD and wiped a fat, greasy thumb print off it (probably turkey-flavoured). Everything then worked fine.
"Twenty-five quid??? For wiping off a thumb print!!!", he shrieked.
"No. Twenty-five quid for knowing how to", I answered.