ATM maintenance tech broke the bank by forgetting to return a key
- Reference: 1768807813
- News link: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2026/01/19/who_me/
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This week, meet a reader we’ll Regomize as “Phil” who once had a job maintaining automatic teller machines (ATMs).
This story starts with routine maintenance of an ATM at a bank branch. “I solved the issue quite easily and quickly,” Phil told us.
[1]
Banks are very serious operations so even though this job was simple, Phil had a lot of paperwork to do before his work was formally done.
[2]
[3]
“First I had to call my dispatcher, who gave me a code to list on paperwork,” he explained. Next, he had to find a bank clerk to sign off a form. In case the clerk wanted to inspect his work, Phil usually kept the keys to the branch’s ATM at hand, alongside the big bunch of master keys he used to gain access to the various models he maintained.
On this occasion, the clerk was satisfied, signed the form, so Phil completed the requisite forms, scooped up his tools and keys, and headed to his next job.
[4]
At his next job, Phil pulled out some keys, tried them in the resident ATM, and was surprised when none of them worked. He therefore looked in his toolbox, and saw more keys.
“Then it hit me,” he told Who, Me? “I kept the keys from the bank branch I just visited.”
[5]Techie banned from client site for outage he didn’t cause
[6]Techie turned the tables on office bullies with remote access rumble
[7]New boss was bad, his attitude was ugly, so the tech team pranked him good
[8]Techie 'forgot' to tell boss their cost-saving idea meant a day of gaming
Phil immediately called his dispatcher and confessed.
“A couple of minutes later both my personal phone and the company phone start ringing,” Phil said. “The boss wanted to know where I was, if I had stopped anywhere, if anyone else had seen the keys. And could I send a photo of the keys?”
Phil tried to comply but was swiftly told to just stop work and return to the branch he visited earlier.
[9]
“I arrived to see locksmiths changing locks, and security guards waiting to see me,” he told Who, Me?
He happily handed over the keys and - fearing the worst - tried to explain the incident was an innocent mistake.
The security guard absolved him instantly and blamed the bank staff.
“Weeks later, I learned that all the branch staff were disciplined for breaking rules regarding safekeeping of keys,” Phil said. That failure was considered so significant, all were re-assigned to work at other branches!
Have you taken home the wrong key, or PC, and caused T-R-O-U-B-L-E? If so, please consider [10]clicking here to share your story so The Register can turn it into another instalment of Who, Me? ®
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Re: "all were re-assigned to work at other branches!"
> If only Trump's croonies could face the same backlash !
Don't bank on it...
Re: "all were re-assigned to work at other branches!"
Is that advice from your personal account...?
Re: "all were re-assigned to work at other branches!"
That money was just resting in my account
Re: "all were re-assigned to work at other branches!"
All will be forgiven, apparently. You can seal the deal by saving some colleagues from an embarrassing "lingerie department" scenario :)
[Now how did that bra get in there, Father? -->]
Re: "all were re-assigned to work at other branches!"
It's like all the current accounts: no interest
Re: "all were re-assigned to work at other branches!"
So it wasn't his vault?
Re: "all were re-assigned to work at other branches!"
Ha! Safe! -->
Re: "all were re-assigned to work at other branches!"
Did you lear to say that at a quality learing center ?
Re: "all were re-assigned to work at other branches!"
Now, now, don't get leary [sic]...
Weeks later, I learned that all the branch staff were disciplined for breaking rules regarding safekeeping
Sounds like it was a key part of their jobs
I hope they didn't Phil their pockets with cash
He could've paid security to lock another way.
One might say a primary, key part of their jobs, in the grand schema of things...
Key, what key?
I'm based in the East Midlands of the UK.
We have a cabinet in a popular Docklands-based colocation facility which is secured by a key held by the on site security team.
Once, driving home after visiting said facility, I'd got as far as the M11/M25 junction before realising the key was still in my jeans pocket :(
Cue an extra 1.5 hours of driving a big loop back to Docklands to return it to security. Bugger.
Fired
Relative of the mother of one of my friends worked printing stamps in my city. Took public transport home, and found the police waiting for him when he got home. That was it: released from duties.
On a lighter note, I applied for a tech job in a juvenile prison, and was told that employees could lose the keys -once-. That would be a warning, because not an 'at will' employment state. First time would be 'counseling'. Second time would indicate that you were not suitable for further employment.
My wife was a keyholder at a bank branch
back in the eighties. If there was an alarm, she got called in at all speed to sort stuff out.
One occasion, the call came about three a.m. I drove her to the bank, on the other side of the city, paying not a great deal of attention to speed limits at that hour in the morning. Till a flashing blue light in the mirror, and a policeman who asked the immortal 'ok sonny, where's the bank robbery?'.
His face when I told him 'Basingstoke Road' was a picture, and even more so when he called in and the control told him, yes, really.
Re: My wife was a keyholder at a bank branch
Cool story, but methinks what your wife was supposed to do, pull a gun on robbers ? ?
Re: My wife was a keyholder at a bank branch
I say, steady on, this is Blighty! A gun? One simply insists the ne'er-do-wells "Stop!" - they know their place, and woe betide them should they ever disobey one of their betters!
Re: My wife was a keyholder at a bank branch
A relative was a headmaster of a school in a run-down area so they got lots of "kids" roaming the area. The cops would call him if they couldn't get hold of the caretaker and he'd have to go and check it all out by themselves. I have no idea what would have happened to caretaker or headmaster if some miscreants were still there and up to no good.
Re: My wife was a keyholder at a bank branch
Depends on their "traffic" lights and if certain colours they can go in, otherwise need to wait for police
Re: My wife was a keyholder at a bank branch
My late father was a keyholder at a bank and on the few occasions he was called out the police insisted he opened the door and went inside ahead of the officers.
On one occasion he and group of friends were on a night out and at about midnight they were on their way home and one one the group decided he needed the loo. "No problem said Dad, I'll open the bank and you can use the toilet there" Unfortunately they were spotted by the local bobby (it was in the 1960s) and there were questions to answer.
Re: My wife was a keyholder at a bank branch
> ...there were questions to answer.
"How will you be donating to the Policeman's Ball?"
Top story :)
Re: My wife was a keyholder at a bank branch
" ... Policeman's Ball ...
Its a raffle, not a dance.
Could be worse
You could have shown a copy of the key on Nation television
https://www.factnest.net/on-air-security-failure-how-prison-keys-cost-a-tv-channel-300000/
Re: Could be worse
I think there have been several instances of this over the years.
Re: Could be worse
One of my uncles was a vicar, and spent some time as a prison chaplain in the 1970s. First thing they told him was "never take your keys out". They had inmates who could cut a copy from memory based on simply seeing them.
My place isn't a bank or anything special, but any keys to store & machine rooms have huge key fobs on them so you can't even put the key in a pocket. (We often use blanking plates from switches/routers)
A more high-tech solution is to have fancy tags on the keys with sensors at the building entrance so you can't take them out without an alarm going off.
I worked on a site where the switch room key had a 20kg collection of steel plates as the "tag". The key was attached by a metre of equally impressive chain, so you could put the tag on the floor while working the lock.
Apparently they added another 1kg to the tag every time somebody took it off site.
The Key to Everything
Our Sales Director used to go everywhere with his bunch of keys, carrying every key: House (front, back, garage, shed, gate), car (his & hers) (and car keys are not small), work (gates, two offices, workshop, test area) plus several smaller keys for luggage, padlocks, bicycles, etc. all culminating in a fist-sized melee. This conglomeration was far too big to fit in a pocket so he carried them around as a sort of symbol-of-office. You could hear him moving about the building clanking like the ghostly gaoler.
He's never likely to lose this mess but if he did, it would have deep consequences.
On the other hand, we never gave an off-site key to him because he would lose it. His 'work keys' were mostly out of date because we changed entry/exit processes but as he was always late in, and never locked-up, it didn't matter......
Re: The Key to Everything
Misses does nearly the same (except for the car - mine). I now have all hers on quick release clips as the amount of times I got "can I have your front door keys?" as she does not want to take all of hers.
I don't get why she wants all the keys - boggles my brain.
I also worked with someone years ago who had quite a big bunch of keys too. He stopped when his car (merc) had ignition problems and it was blamed on the weight of the keys inside the ingition fob wesring it down (sounds iffy to me). cost him a fair packet to get that sorted. He stopped after that
Re: The Key to Everything
Get one of [1]these!
They're the best quick release key system I've ever found.
I'm on my second one now, as two decades of use wore the first one out!
[1] https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=troika+keyring&crid=1RROP35W4WAEP&sprefix=troika+keyring
"all were re-assigned to work at other branches!"
Wow.
If only Trump's croonies could face the same backlash !