Only people who can provide definitive prove of zero technical and IT knowledge need apply. It is a plus if you know how to be bribed within the rules by (y)our rich buddies.

How else can we afford to give away contracts of beeeelions for completely inadequate designs, even worse implementations and guaranteed failures?

Oh, and did we mention the Golden parachute when you inevitably will be let go after the next failed project?

Oh, and did we mention the Golden parachute when you inevitably will be let go after the next failed project?

I just realised that a parachute actually made of 24K gold if deployed would be lethal. I think all C suite and direct reports ought to be obliged to make a 2000m jump using these golden parachutes to complete their off-boarding. ;)

Well, 'Mythbusters managed to get a lead balloon to fly, so maybe they will take on the 'golden parachute' challenge?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h70kbIzPgig

Let’s be blunt: if they want someone remotely competent to walk into this disaster zone, they’ll need to add at least one zero to the end. £1.6 million might tempt a battle-hardened CTO to give it a go. £16 million might even get someone good. Otherwise, they’ll just end up with another joker polishing the CV while the projects keep burning.

Musk is paid billions and I wouldn't put him in charge of my microwave...

I'm not sure it's possible to resolve, honestly.

The procurement requirements basically say that you've got to use the usual suspects, who are the problem. Resolving the problem would require not using the usual suspects and doing something else.

Therefore as you don't have the power to alter the procurement laws without an act of parliament then doing anything useful that would address the root cause of the problem would result in breaking a law, which would result in the usual suspects suing the government to force them to waste expend money upon their services without requiring delivery of a finished and usable product.

The system is corrupt and SFO and NCA sit on their hands, basically.

I thankfully have not got the experience at the required level of seniority for this and I am in another contract. I have worked in public and private sector organisations with similar procurement issues. Turning this around is about positive proactive vendor management and aligning silly things like processes and personalities in small steps day by day. It is not easy but even when stuck with not the best vendor in a space it can be done. I wouldn't volunteer to do this one for all the tea in china or all the drones in Russia though.

P.S. If I did have this experience that salary would not be enough, not even close.

What's wrong with being a joker polishing his CV while watching the projects burn... from afar, such as from Miami Beach?

Dido Harding!

Or Amber Rudd.

Liz Truss is 'available' at the moment, I believe.

if you can forfill 2 out of the 3 qualifications

1. Went to university with government members.

2. Are best friends with various government members or their wives.

3. Have no knowledge of IT whatso ever

It's a politics job rather than an operational job.

You forgot

4. You (or your company or family) have made substantial donations to the party in government

5. Your dad was a toolmaker.

Kier Starmer Jnr: My Dad was a Tool.

Kier Starmer: My Dad was a Toolmaker.

reasonable compensation to oversee the IT of an organisation that turns over a billion pounds? I would not have thought so. Especially in light of the whole shemozzle is clearly a complete shit show and probably always was.

To actually try and achieve something useful would be comparable to attempting to aircon Hell with a couple of container ship loads of cheap Chinese window rattlers; namely a snowball's...

Doubtless some establishment's gormless nincompoop offspring will be parachuted in to run amok wreaking as much havoc as possible. Might be worse—Dominic Cummings could get the gig.

It's reasonable if Russia or China pays the other £160k.

All this sarcasm and derogatory wit is making me rethink my plan to apply.

You're putting me off!

Perfect, we don't want you focused on the job now!

I'll take the job. If, and only if, I can do it remotely while sitting on the beach here in Deepest South Flori-duh. And if the salary is direct-deposited into the account of my choice in the Caymans. We just won't tell The Orange Guy, so that he isn't tempted to slap a tariff on it.

The first thing that I'll do is to rip out all Microsoft software. All of it. Down to OS and networking. Unless, of course, Redmond sends a nice brown envelope containing three years' pay to my Cayman account. Then I'll wait six months and then rip out all Microsoft software.

Adobe, Oracle, and Broadcom get the same treatment. I figure that the staff will have lots of work for the next few years, and by that time, there'll be an election and the new guys will want their own guy in my seat.

And certain 'think of the children' regulations will softly, silently, vanish away as there won't be any enforcement, all the staff will be too busy with the reorg. Nothing will move at the Home Office until the reorg is done, but that's business as usual at the HO, so no one will notice.

If you need me, I'll be on the third beach chair to the right on Miami Beach, sipping a rum and Coke and reading El Reg. (Real Rum, too, none of that gay Puerto Rican spiced rum.)