BOFH: HR plays checkers, IT plays 5D chess
(2025/08/22)
- Reference: 1755851410
- News link: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2025/08/22/bofh_2025_episode_16/
- Source link:
Episode 16 "HR pawn to PFY's Window 4," the PFY murmurs as one of the greener members of HR wanders into Mission Control.
Again.
For the third time this week.
[1]
"There's something wrong with our wireless," the HR junior says.
[2]
[3]
"Really?" the PFY responds. "Is it the same thing that was wrong with it yesterday – nothing – or the day before, nothing?"
"No, it's definitely not working."
[4]
"Yes, but is it 'definitely not working' because you're still connected to the meeting room wireless at the other end of the building, instead of to your office wireless?"
"Uuuuuuuh..."
"Like yesterday. And the day before. Look — I'll show you," the PFY says, gesturing towards our large – and open – window.
[5]
"Uuuuuhhh..." HR says, backing towards the door.
...
"You need to play a longer game," I explain to the PFY when the HR guy's gone.
"What longer game?"
"You need to be thinking several moves ahead."
"In what way?"
"Well, it's like the dodgy floor tile over by the window," I say.
"The floor tile over by the window isn't dodgy."
"I know it's not, but every month or two I report it as being dodgy, so the building maintenance guy comes in, lifts the tile up and examines both the tile and the subframe, tells me there's nothing wrong, and then goes."
"And?"
"And at some time in the future I'll replace the subframe with the section of subframe I've had rusting on the roof for a couple of years, and after the 'terrible workplace accident' they'll find a lengthy history of me all but BEGGING the building people to fix the problem."
"So how does this help me at the moment?"
"You have this problem HR guy. You know he's an idiot, and he's not going to stop being an idiot no matter how much you explain things to him. HOWEVER, he's not enough of an idiot to wander too close to a full-height window that opens out to free fall experience that's only interrupted by a parked car, two stories below."
"And?"
"You need to think of your end game. What is it that you're attempting to achieve?"
"I want him to stop coming to our office to ask for an upgrade to their office wireless."
"Yes. And has it occurred to you that there may already be a long game in play?" I ask.
"In what way?"
"Say, for argument's sake, you wanted faster wireless so that you could stream 4K videos to your phone without the occasional buffering lag. The first step might be to socialize the idea within your department that the wireless is unreliable. It's not unreliable, but it is several years old, and you have your heart set on 8K streaming because you think that your eyes can distinguish the difference between 4K and 8K on your tiny phone screen."
"Uh-huh," the PFY says, dubiously.
"So you ask a few people if they're having problems with wireless – and they say no, so you say it must be just you. Then then next morning you lift the ceiling tile and remove the network cable to just one of the access points in your department. Then maybe a few people in the department notice that the wireless is a bit choppy when they're down one end of the office – but overall it's still pretty good. The next day you put that cable back and unplug a different wireless access point. The day after that you unplug two wireless access points..."
"Yes, yes, and the day after that you unplug three, I get it," the PFY snaps.
"NO! The day after that you plug everything back in and leave it for a week. THEN you unplug three. The day after that, you plug everything back in, but come in early and stick tinfoil to the back of every poster, whiteboard, cupboard, and picture in the office, then, in the middle of work time, start hammering the wireless with network speed tests."
[6]BOFH : Deepfake or just an idiot? We'll need an audit to confirm
[7]BOFH : If you can't beat the AI, let it live inside you
[8]BOFH : The auditor is asking too many questions. We have just the laptop for that
[9]BOFH : Peeling back the layers of the magic banana industrial complex
"So... he's just toying with us?" the PFY asks, glaringly.
"Nah, he's just an idiot who's connected to the wrong access point," I sigh. "But I do wonder about these things on really slow weeks like this one."
"Actually it has been a little slow," the PFY admits, grudgingly.
"And, even though you wouldn't like admit it, the occasional visit from a harmless idiot does help to pass the time, does it not?"
"Well, I suppose when you put it that way, actually checking the wireless access points, the configs etc. is something we need to do. Occasionally."
"So really, a visit from an idiot is sometimes a good thing?"
"I suppose you're right," the PFY nods.
Our conversation is interrupted by the Boss who's come to Mission Control to complain about his headphones not working again – no doubt because he's plugged the cable into the charging port of his laptop again.
"How about you bring your laptop and headphones into our office and we'll take a look at it in about five minutes?" I suggest. "I've just got to nip up onto the roof to get something."
[10]BOFH: Previous episodes on The Register
[11]The Compleat BOFH Archives 95-99
Get our [12]Tech Resources
[1] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/bofh&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=2&c=2aKg_u9EybkErEIMKXX69TwAAAQY&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D2%26raptor%3Dcondor%26pos%3Dtop%26test%3D0
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[6] https://www.theregister.com/2025/06/13/bofh_2025_episode_15/
[7] https://www.theregister.com/2025/05/23/bofh_2025_episode_14/
[8] https://www.theregister.com/2025/07/11/bofh_2025_episode_13/
[9] https://www.theregister.com/2025/06/27/bofh_2025_episode_12/
[10] https://www.theregister.com/data_centre/bofh/
[11] http://www.bofharchive.com/
[12] https://whitepapers.theregister.com/
Again.
For the third time this week.
[1]
"There's something wrong with our wireless," the HR junior says.
[2]
[3]
"Really?" the PFY responds. "Is it the same thing that was wrong with it yesterday – nothing – or the day before, nothing?"
"No, it's definitely not working."
[4]
"Yes, but is it 'definitely not working' because you're still connected to the meeting room wireless at the other end of the building, instead of to your office wireless?"
"Uuuuuuuh..."
"Like yesterday. And the day before. Look — I'll show you," the PFY says, gesturing towards our large – and open – window.
[5]
"Uuuuuhhh..." HR says, backing towards the door.
...
"You need to play a longer game," I explain to the PFY when the HR guy's gone.
"What longer game?"
"You need to be thinking several moves ahead."
"In what way?"
"Well, it's like the dodgy floor tile over by the window," I say.
"The floor tile over by the window isn't dodgy."
"I know it's not, but every month or two I report it as being dodgy, so the building maintenance guy comes in, lifts the tile up and examines both the tile and the subframe, tells me there's nothing wrong, and then goes."
"And?"
"And at some time in the future I'll replace the subframe with the section of subframe I've had rusting on the roof for a couple of years, and after the 'terrible workplace accident' they'll find a lengthy history of me all but BEGGING the building people to fix the problem."
"So how does this help me at the moment?"
"You have this problem HR guy. You know he's an idiot, and he's not going to stop being an idiot no matter how much you explain things to him. HOWEVER, he's not enough of an idiot to wander too close to a full-height window that opens out to free fall experience that's only interrupted by a parked car, two stories below."
"And?"
"You need to think of your end game. What is it that you're attempting to achieve?"
"I want him to stop coming to our office to ask for an upgrade to their office wireless."
"Yes. And has it occurred to you that there may already be a long game in play?" I ask.
"In what way?"
"Say, for argument's sake, you wanted faster wireless so that you could stream 4K videos to your phone without the occasional buffering lag. The first step might be to socialize the idea within your department that the wireless is unreliable. It's not unreliable, but it is several years old, and you have your heart set on 8K streaming because you think that your eyes can distinguish the difference between 4K and 8K on your tiny phone screen."
"Uh-huh," the PFY says, dubiously.
"So you ask a few people if they're having problems with wireless – and they say no, so you say it must be just you. Then then next morning you lift the ceiling tile and remove the network cable to just one of the access points in your department. Then maybe a few people in the department notice that the wireless is a bit choppy when they're down one end of the office – but overall it's still pretty good. The next day you put that cable back and unplug a different wireless access point. The day after that you unplug two wireless access points..."
"Yes, yes, and the day after that you unplug three, I get it," the PFY snaps.
"NO! The day after that you plug everything back in and leave it for a week. THEN you unplug three. The day after that, you plug everything back in, but come in early and stick tinfoil to the back of every poster, whiteboard, cupboard, and picture in the office, then, in the middle of work time, start hammering the wireless with network speed tests."
[6]BOFH : Deepfake or just an idiot? We'll need an audit to confirm
[7]BOFH : If you can't beat the AI, let it live inside you
[8]BOFH : The auditor is asking too many questions. We have just the laptop for that
[9]BOFH : Peeling back the layers of the magic banana industrial complex
"So... he's just toying with us?" the PFY asks, glaringly.
"Nah, he's just an idiot who's connected to the wrong access point," I sigh. "But I do wonder about these things on really slow weeks like this one."
"Actually it has been a little slow," the PFY admits, grudgingly.
"And, even though you wouldn't like admit it, the occasional visit from a harmless idiot does help to pass the time, does it not?"
"Well, I suppose when you put it that way, actually checking the wireless access points, the configs etc. is something we need to do. Occasionally."
"So really, a visit from an idiot is sometimes a good thing?"
"I suppose you're right," the PFY nods.
Our conversation is interrupted by the Boss who's come to Mission Control to complain about his headphones not working again – no doubt because he's plugged the cable into the charging port of his laptop again.
"How about you bring your laptop and headphones into our office and we'll take a look at it in about five minutes?" I suggest. "I've just got to nip up onto the roof to get something."
[10]BOFH: Previous episodes on The Register
[11]The Compleat BOFH Archives 95-99
Get our [12]Tech Resources
[1] https://pubads.g.doubleclick.net/gampad/jump?co=1&iu=/6978/reg_offbeat/bofh&sz=300x50%7C300x100%7C300x250%7C300x251%7C300x252%7C300x600%7C300x601&tile=2&c=2aKg_u9EybkErEIMKXX69TwAAAQY&t=ct%3Dns%26unitnum%3D2%26raptor%3Dcondor%26pos%3Dtop%26test%3D0
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[6] https://www.theregister.com/2025/06/13/bofh_2025_episode_15/
[7] https://www.theregister.com/2025/05/23/bofh_2025_episode_14/
[8] https://www.theregister.com/2025/07/11/bofh_2025_episode_13/
[9] https://www.theregister.com/2025/06/27/bofh_2025_episode_12/
[10] https://www.theregister.com/data_centre/bofh/
[11] http://www.bofharchive.com/
[12] https://whitepapers.theregister.com/
Re: The PFY still has a lot to learn
KittenHuffer
'I do wonder what the words "I've just got to nip up onto the roof to get something." suggest is in store for the boss'
I could (sub)frame an answer to your question .... but I'd much rather just observe the impact the Boss makes on arrival at his final destination.
Re: The PFY still has a lot to learn
Michael H.F. Wilkinson
Ah, indeed. Rust is involved, and not the programming language
he's not enough of an idiot to wander too close to a full-height window that opens out ...
Anonymous Coward
Natural selection at work in the HR gene pool.
The very existence of HR (and PR) departments are extremely cogent arguments against intelligent design.
Doctor Syntax
"free fall experience that's only interrupted by a parked car, two stories below."
Only two?
Anonymous Coward
They're lucky - where I've worked, IT has usually been in the basement.
Re: basement
Flocke Kroes
Is one corner prone to flooding? How often do you need to feed pirianhas?
The PFY still has a lot to learn
It doesn't do to have a [1]database normalisation warning all too often.
I do wonder what the words "I've just got to nip up onto the roof to get something." suggest is in store for the boss. Those words do not bode well, in the long run.
[1] https://www.theregister.com/2017/11/24/bofh_2017_episode_16/