'Trained monkey' from tech support saved know-it-all manager's mistake with a single keypress
- Reference: 1751614213
- News link: https://www.theregister.co.uk/2025/07/04/on_call/
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This week, meet a reader we'll Regomize as "Mark" who can’t forget a former manager who claimed to be an IT expert and disdainfully referred to colleagues in his IT department as “trained monkeys” because he felt computers were so simple even a simian could make them sing.
"As you can imagine, I didn't particularly like him," Mark told On Call.
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Mark's opinion mattered little because senior execs thought the manager was hot stuff who deserved an expensive new laptop.
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This tale took place at a time when laptops were not the norm. The manager's ability to create PowerPoint presentations and show them off during meetings was therefore leading edge.
To help the hotshot dazzle the world with PowerPoint, Mark picked a laptop that sported a VGA connector that allowed it to connect to projectors.
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Both lappies and projectors were somewhat primitive at the time, and video output would not change from a laptop's screen to the projector until a user pressed a combination of keys – Mark thinks the combo was FN+F3. Once a user set the laptop to display video on an external display, its screen would not work until another FN+F3 – even after a reboot.
One day, Mark was monkeying about at work when his phone rang and the manager blurted a torrent of panicked expletives and abuse.
Mark managed to figure out that the manager was attending an offsite meeting and his attempt to impress some higher-ups with PowerPoint was going very badly.
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"I tried to calm him down and asked him to explain exactly what was happening but he told me, in no uncertain terms, that I must drop everything and rush to his aid," Mark told On Call.
So Mark did.
[6]Don't shoot me, I'm only the system administrator!
[7]Techie traveled 4 hours to fix software that worked perfectly until a new hire used it
[8]User demanded a ‘wireless’ computer and was outraged when its battery died
[9]Techie traced cables from basement to maternity ward and onto a roof, before a car crash revealed the problem
On arrival, he found the manager "anxiously dancing from one foot to the other outside the conference room, clutching the laptop." After making polite inquiries about the problem, Mark learned the manager tried to prepare for the meeting by getting his PowerPoint ready to roll – but nothing appeared on its screen. The manager had no backup, so the only way he could show his slides was on this laptop.
The manager told Mark to fix the problem instantly, shoved the laptop into his hands, and allowed him to enter the meeting room.
Once in the room, Mark asked the manager to share his extensive IT knowledge and detail his troubleshooting efforts.
"He practically screamed at me that I shouldn't be in the room at all and that he had done everything to fix the problem but, clearly, I was somehow responsible for this failure as the Tech Support guy," Mark told On Call.
Mark apologized to the meeting attendees for the delay, connected the laptop to the VGA cable that reached the projector, and watched as the slides immediately appeared.
He then explained the FN+F3 thing, pressed that key combo a couple of times to show how it worked, and watched the manager's face turn a lovely shade of embarrassed red.
And then Mark left the meeting.
"Some time later, back at my desk, the still livid manager presented himself and complained loudly about how I had deliberately shown him up in front of his colleagues," Mark told On Call.
As the tirade continued, Mark learned that the audience for the PowerPoint didn't spend much time admiring the slides and instead conducted a whispered discussion about the hotshot manager's meltdown.
"The gist of the rant was that I hadn't paid him due respect," Mark said.
"I replied that I gave him all the respect he deserved."
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[6] https://www.theregister.com/2025/06/27/on_call/
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Re: All the respect he deserved indeed
barely able to bang some rocks together
No, they have others to bang the rocks together for them. That is why things go so wrong excellent. Others don't know how to bang rocks together properly .
Fn + F3? That strikes a distant cord - I had a Compaq laptop that used that combination, if I remember correctly.
There is only one thing to be said to such manglers .....
..... Oook!
Re: There is only one thing to be said to such manglers .....
Unless they use the M-word...
In that case a mere "Oook!" will not suffice.
Managers
Had a manager once who was really nice and I liked working with him
He often went to meetings saying he wouldnl need to ask me. Was then told to bring me into them to save time
Another non techy manager was also great. He knew he could not question us but used all of us to our strengths and if we said "we need this" or " we can do that" he'd battle with those above to get it
Not like this dickhead
Re: Managers
I've had a manager I really liked working for, he was hard working, severe and challenging, and would give us the worst bollocking if we fucked up, but never, ever, in front of anyone else. And, when facing customers, we were a team and the only head on the chopping block would be his.
I appreciate how lucky I was and today I try to act toward my teams like he did.
Monkey
I was once in a room while a director was having a rant at a manager in which he included the term "40k a year technical monkey". I spotted the moment when he realised I was there and was quite impressed when he didn't mis a beat but completed his tirade before turning to me and saying "No offense intended", I struggled to keep a straight face.
Re: Monkey
Would have been more impressed if he had turned to you without missing a beat and said "unlike this 40K a year technical genius"
A nasty piece of work.
I would bet that the manager in question was what is euphemistically called a "middle manager". You know the ones, like a fifth wheel on a car, there, but of no conceivable use and just taking up space.
I always found that when dealing with the workers or the top brass I had no problems. With the workers they were anxious to get on with the job so put no obstacle in my way. With the top managers provided you dealt with their PA or secretary and arranged for a time and place to do the job, again no problems. It was those characters in the middle that gave me trouble, pushy, insecure and always looking to impress. My heart sank when I got a call to one of them.
Middle Manager
Reminds me of an old joke: A man in the careers centre says "I'd love a job where you can just sit around all day doing nothing." The careers advisor replies "I'm sorry but all the middle management roles are taken."
Re: A nasty piece of work.
Middle management: N. A form of ablative coating for senior management.
Agression and shouting
Many years ago, we had a new department manager at a place where I was managing a project. He seemed friendly enough, but had little idea about what the company actually did.
I had been working on the project plan for the project and had earlier that morning distributed the draft plan to the rest of the team to get some feedback. A few hours later, said manager bursts into my office and proceeds to start literally screaming at me about "how dare I show the project plan to the team without discussing it with him first?", along with various choice insults and threats. It wasn't even possible to penetrate the explosion of rage to explain to him that if he read the company's project management manual, he would see that I was acting exactly how our procedures stated I should.
After he left my office, I sat for a while to regain my composure and then headed straight for the managing director's office. There, I explained to the MD what had transpired, along with the fact that he'd previously had a similar, unmotivated, explosion at one of the team the previous week. I explained to the MD quite clearly that his behaviour was beyond acceptable and that I was not prepared to tolerate being threatened and abused at work.
Shocked, the MD said "Let me deal with this." Within the hour, the manager had been relieved of his employment and escorted from the building.
The funny thing was that when I was cleaning up after his departure, I found a document in his home directory on the file server. The document was a self-appraisal that said manager had written at his previous job. Under "strengths and weaknesses" he had listed one of his weaknesses as "having trouble controlling his temper".
I personally find terms like 'keyboard monkey' a compliment. Without the monley the organ grinder would starve.
Fortunate
I've been quite fortunate that, for a lot of years as the senior IT person in SMEs, most of my managers have recognised and accepted that I know a lot more about IT than they do and have let me get on with things, with a bit if guidance where needed.
In some cases I think they've actually been scared to interfere, which isn't necessarily a good thing.
All the respect he deserved indeed
The manager seems to be a semi-evolved simian barely able to bang some rocks together, and simply begging for a [1]database normalization warning .
[1] https://www.theregister.com/2017/11/24/bofh_2017_episode_16/