Episode 9 HR has outdone itself. They've looked at the Company as a whole and realized we need to add AI to our products.

If only I'd thought of it myself.

I mean, the Company has a fair amount of A already, so all we really need to do is account for the staggering lack of I. The cherry on the cake would be if someone were to suggest...

[1]

"What we need now is a brainstorming session," the Boss suggests.

[2]

[3]

Jinxed it.

"I'd just like to highlight that there are no stupid suggestions," the Boss says, seizing the mediator role.

[4]

"Just stupid people," the PFY adds, to nip any ambiguity in the bud.

"And to be sure that everyone's on board with this session," the Boss says, "I'd ask that you'd set your phones to silent and then put them in the tray at the back of the room."

That particular request has rocked the boat, as I'm fairly sure half the assembled IT/beancounter crowd were looking forward to completing their Wordles.

[5]

"We should have an app," one of the HR minions says, before anyone's had a chance to settle into phonelessness.

"For our phones," another adds, in case there's someone who doesn't know what an app is.

"Great idea!" I gasp, pretending to take notes. "What would the app do?"

"Oh, just stuff for the Company."

"Who would use the app?" I ask, pen poised for the next pearl from the string of wisdom.

"All the staff."

"What about contractors?" I ask, feigning further enthusiasm.

"Sure."

"And couriers?" I continue.

"Why would couriers need the app?"

"It depends on what the app does. If it just tells the user that they're late for work, then it's no use to couriers, but if it could tell whether a recipient were in the building or not, maybe it would be useful."

"Not for couriers," the HR guy decides.

"Fair enough. So, we have an app that does something, and staff and contractors can use it. Would all staff use it?"

"They could."

"Would they have to use it?" one of the support staff – who moonlights as a civil liberties enthusiast – asks.

"I shouldn't think so?"

"We want the app to be nice to use," another of the HR crowd says. "We thought it would help if we gamified it."

"Gamified it?" I ask in gushy, pseudo-enthusiastic tones.

"Yes. Like, say the app could talk to your rubbish bin. And when you threw something in the bin you got a point for getting it in the bin, and you could collect points into a 'streak' for how many things you consecutively got in the bin without missing. That way, the office would be tidier and putting things in the bin would be fun."

"And what would you call the bin?" I ask.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you couldn't just call it a bin – you'd need to give it a fancy name to indicate it was smart."

"You mean like an eBin, or an iBin?" he asks.

"eBin," I reply, "as the Mac TV is prior art for iBin. So, we have our eBin, but wouldn't this just encourage people to leave their desks to be nearer to the bin – and thereby lower productivity?"

"No, because the app could tell how far you were away."

"Right. So would I get more points if I left the office and threw it into my bin from a nearby office?"

[6]BOFH : The Prints of Darkness pays a visit

[7]BOFH : There's a fatal error in the blinkenlights

[8]BOFH : Have you tried forcing an unexpected reboot?

[9]BOFH : HR's AI hiring tool is perfectly unbiased – as long as you're us

"Why would there be more points?"

"Because it would require more skill to get it in from further away. It would be more enjoyable to reward skill."

"No, you'd have to be in your office," the HR guy says firmly.

"What about rebounds? Would there be points if, say, I bounced it off an office mate's head into the bin."

"No."

"It's not much of a game," I observe.

"The bin idea was just an example. We could do other things. We could gamify other things."

"Well, on that thought," the Boss says, "why don't we split into small groups and each group come up with, say, five things that we could use an app for in the Company? And, if you like, maybe ways of gamifying the app to make the experience enjoyable for users."

Small groups form almost immediately, but for some reason no group seems to be enthusiastic about inviting the PFY and myself to join them. Not only that, but the groups quickly become circles of inward-facing chairs to protect the emerging ideas from prying ears.

Not disheartened by this, the PFY and I form our own small group away from all the others as the discussions go on.

...

"And how did we go?" the Boss asks, ten minutes later, after calling the groups back together.

A torrent of app suggestions surges forth from each group – some to do with integrating the cafeteria menu so that people can choose their future lunches, some to do with parking, and others just about office cleanliness and supply levels.

"Well, they all sound great!" the Boss burbles happily. "Simon, Stephen – what did you come up with?"

"Ah, we didn't actually get around to thinking of any new apps," I admit. "And I think we'd like to roll back our lack of enthusiasm for the eBin idea – as it turns out to be quite addictive."

"So, you like the idea now?" the original proponent asks smugly.

"We do. And you're right, a streak is a lot of fun – even without extra skill requirements."

"And how did you figure that out?" the Boss asks.

"Well, we spent the last ten minutes tossing mobile phones into the skip across the road," I say. "SO much fun."

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[6] https://www.theregister.com/2025/04/25/bofh_2025_episode_8/

[7] https://www.theregister.com/2025/04/11/bofh_2025_episode_7/

[8] https://www.theregister.com/2025/03/21/bofh_2025_episode_6/

[9] https://www.theregister.com/2025/03/14/bofh_2025_episode_5/

[10] https://www.theregister.com/data_centre/bofh/

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